Silly Smiles

[SnowGlobe7]

[moose 57]

h.a.n.d.

[Muleslayer]

10 hours ago, SnowGlobe7 said:

we had a kitchen worker cutting Jalapenos and then HE went to pee in the bathroom....we did not see him for the rest of his shift. we totally understood...lol!

I was trying to improve my hot sauce recipe a few years ago and had the "brite" idea to fry the jalapeño's.

smoke from frying jalapeño's is as bad or worse than tear gas!

you simply cannot breath!

i could finally get back in the house an hour later to open doors and windows.

i stopped trying to improve my salsa after that.

[Muleslayer]

Damn computers.

Edited April 28, 2017 by Muleslayer
Apple

[Muleslayer]

Damn Ipad

Edited April 28, 2017 by Muleslayer
Apple

[moose 57]

h.a.n.d.     love how they spell meant

Edited April 28, 2017 by moose 57

[moose 57]

8 hours ago, Muleslayer said:

Damn computers.

So it's not just me!!!

[nstoolman1]

4 minutes ago, moose 57 said:

 

 

 

 

 

[nstoolman1]

 

How low can you go??

 

 

Nice stick handling.

 

 

Is that Snow?? 

 

 

New fishing technique.

 

                                            

 

No comment,

 

 

 

United Airlines training film.   How to deal with an unruly passenger

 

 

[pokerplayer]

3 minutes ago, nstoolman1 said:

 

How low can you go??

 

 

Nice stick handling.

 

 

Is that Snow?? 

 

 

New fishing technique.

 

                                            

 

No comment,

 

 

 

United Airlines training film.   How to deal with an unruly passenger

 

 

 

Looks like we have an Oooppsie nstoolman. +1 for the effort. Lets do it for the gipper !!! 

 

pp

[nstoolman1]

1 hour ago, pokerplayer said:

 

Looks like we have an Oooppsie nstoolman. +1 for the effort. Lets do it for the gipper !!! 

 

pp

 

I am slow this morning.  

[nstoolman1]

Signs

 

 

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

“CASE DISMISSED!!”

[nstoolman1]

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska . He was driving along near a campground when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Hillarious' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearingGo Trump shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.
Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes....that this is not true.
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who was that guy? "Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom. "Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know squat about bear hunting.
By the way, .....is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?

[nstoolman1]

During a recent Trump stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Trump,
where are you hiding your tax returns?

The Donald politely responded, "I've found a very secure place that I'm
certain they won't be found."

The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that, sir .?

The Donald smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his
passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources
to pay for college, and his Selective Service registration

[moose 57]

h.a.n.d.

[nannab]

12 hours ago, nstoolman1 said:

During a recent Trump stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Trump,
where are you hiding your tax returns?

The Donald politely responded, "I've found a very secure place that I'm
certain they won't be found."

The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that, sir .?

The Donald smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his
passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources
to pay for college, and his Selective Service registration

 

Priceless !  

[Sage449]

Omgoodness nstoolman, I've tears running down my cheeks. Loved the pope/AK one and Prez Trump's response to tax heckler. Great way to begin the day,  good laugh!

[Markinsa]

Did anyone notice this cat is wearing a red cape?  All that is missing is the blue leotards, with a big "S" on the front.

[Markinsa]

http://www.msnewsnow.com/story/34202353/la-sheriffs-deputy-saves-cat-trapped-in-garage-door?utm_content=bufferf1a3a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

 

 

[moose 57]

3 hours ago, Markinsa said:

http://www.msnewsnow.com/story/34202353/la-sheriffs-deputy-saves-cat-trapped-in-garage-door?utm_content=bufferf1a3a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

 

 

This reminds me of when i took care of the neighbors dog. They went on vacation and left me in charge (their first mistake)!

They left their garage door open @ a foot or so, that way their dog could go do it's business- it was tied.

I went there one day and pushed the garage door opener to check on him- well the garage door went down and he

came running out- he was pinned and i panicked. His legs were thrashing about. He was a little Pug dog. Thought i killed him but

he was fine. Still funny to this day when i think about it. Not when it happened though! I did tell them about it. Never asked me again?

Edited April 30, 2017 by moose 57

[BJinMontreal]

This is my kind of guy.

 

                    

MY ONLY DAY OF EMPLOYMENT AFTER RETIREMENT...

I RETIRED FROM MY LONG SUCCESSFUL CAREER, BUT BECAME BORED. 

I DECIDED TO ACCEPT A LOW-PAID BUT STRESS-FREE JOB AS A GREETER AT THE LOCAL HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE. 

 

AFTER LANDING MY NEW JOB AS A GREETER, A GOOD FIND FOR MANY RETIREES, I LASTED LESS THAN A DAY.

HERE IS MY STORY…

ABOUT TWO HOURS INTO MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB A VERY LOUD, DECIDEDLY UNATTRACTIVE, AND INAPPROPRIATELY DRESSED WOMAN WALKED INTO THE STORE ALONG WITH HER TWO KIDS,

YELLING OBSCENITIES AT THEM ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE ENTRANCE. 

 

HERE IS HER PICTURE.

 

AS I HAD BEEN INSTRUCTED, I SAID PLEASANTLY, "GOOD MORNING AND WELCOME." 

 

I THEN SAID, "NICE CHILDREN YOU HAVE THERE. ARE THEY TWINS?"

THE UGLY WOMAN STOPPED YELLING AT THE CHILDREN JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SAY TO ME, "OF COURSE THEY AREN'T TWINS.

THE OLDEST ONE'S 9, AND THE OTHER ONE' S ONLY 5.

 

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK THEY'RE TWINS?

ARE YOU BLIND, OR JUST STUPID?"

I REPLIED, "I'M NEITHER BLIND NOR STUPID, MADAM..

I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD SLEEP WITH YOU TWICE. 

HAVE A GOOD DAY AND THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING WITH US".

MY SUPERVISOR SAID I PROBABLY WASN'T CUT OUT FOR THIS LINE OF WORK.

 

[BJinMontreal]

Damn the pics didn't post ...

[DinarDavo]

This reminds me of another retired gentleman that also thought that a part time position at Wal-Mart would be a positive past time. When being interviewed by the manager he was asked several self awareness questions,  one being “What do you consider your greatest weakness?” After contemplating  for a moment he said, “ My greatest weakest is probably that I always try to be completely honest.” The manager smiled and said, “Well I don’t think that a weakness at all, that’s a great character trait” to which the old gentleman replied, “I don’t give a crap what you think.” End of story.

[moose 57]

h.a.n.d.

[nstoolman1]

Ghosts

 

 

 

 

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raised their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hamad replied, "Ghost! From way back there I thought you said Goats!"