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Bumper64

Blonde Joke!!

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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her
husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not
all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

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Good One Bumper !

 

Ok, my turn, it's a quickie !

 

 

 

One blonde says to the other,  what's closer ,the moon or Miami ?  The other blonde says, duh.....can you see Miami from here ?

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And another.........

 

What is the difference in a blonde and a mosquito?

 

when you slap a mosquito on the head, it quits sucking.

 

WHOA !

 

Shut the front door ! :eyebrows:

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So a blind cowboy from Montana (since I live here think I'm safe doing this) is visiting San Francisco.  He gets a taxi, and asks the driver to take him someplace to get a cold beer.  The driver, being a bit of a smart a$$, takes him to a lesbian biker bar (stay with me on this one.)

 

Not knowing any better, he walks in, makes his way to the bar, and orders a beer.  The ladies kind of realize his plight, and decide to let him go.

 

As he is sipping on his beer, he leans back and says "Anyone want to hear a blond joke?"

 

The bartender steps up and say "Sir, just to let you know, your taxi driver dropped you off at a lesbian biker bar. I'm the bartender, I'm blond, and I have a baseball bat here behind the bar.  The lady bouncer at the door is blonde, and is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.  The lady 2 seats down from you is blonde and carries the drive chain from a Harley in her purse.  We don't mind you sitting here and having a beer - understanding what happened. Are your sure you want to tell a blond joke?"

 

The cowboy thinks about it for a bit, then says "Your right, it's not worth it. Not if I'm going to have to explain it 3 times..."

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Biker Saves A Life

Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the
road dust from their throats.  They stand at the
bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new
model Harleys.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is
eating a sandwich, begins to cough.  After a
minute or so,  it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress.

One of the bikers looks at her and says, "kin ya
swaller?"  The woman shakes her head, no.  
"Kin ya breathe?"  The woman begins to turn
blue and shakes her head.

The biker walks over to the woman,  lifts up the
back of her dress,  yanks down her panties, and
slowly runs his tongue from the back of her
thigh up to the small of her back.  The woman is
so shocked  that she has a violent spasm and
the obstruction flies out of her mouth.  As she
begins to breathe again, the biker walks slowly
back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.

His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there
Hind Lick Maneuver,  but 'til today,  I ain't never
seen nobody do it.
:lol:

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OK, You started it

 

 

 

An old cowboy

 

An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
and he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his

cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells

the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the

cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had

swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days

like everyone else does".

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Bumper,

 

Thanks for the good laugh... I need it today.. very funny... you wake me up.. glad my hair is different color lol

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A blonde and her boyfriend were out on a leisurely Sunday drive

 

when she noticed another blonde out in the middle of a farm field in a row boat.

 

She was just rowing and rowing and rowing.

 

The girl told her boyfriend to stop the car and she got out.

 

She walked to the edge of the road and screamed angrily at the girl in the boat.

 

"IT'S BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE THE REST OF US A BAD NAME.......AND IF I COULD SWIM, I WOULD COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS"

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Q .. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A .. The back of her head.

Q .. What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A .. Artificial intelligence.

Q .. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A .. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q .. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A .. They're both empty from the neck up.

Q .. What does a blonde owl say?
A .. What, what?

Q .. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A .. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q .. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A .. To see what was on the other side.

Q .. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A .. From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

Q .. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A .. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q .. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A .. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

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Q: A blonde, a readhead and a brunette jumped off of a tall building. Who took the longest to hit the ground?
A: The blonde because she had to stop and ask directions!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill herself?
A: She jumped out a basement window.

Q: Did you hear about the two blondes that walked into a building?
A: You think one of them would have noticed it!

Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: If she can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: How can you tell a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is all wet.

Q: How did the dumb blond break her legs raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree!!

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Q: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after having sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How many blonds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3, One to screw in the light bulb, and 2 to get another one.

Q: Standing in a circle, is a clever blonde, dumb blonde, a dumb brunette, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. In the middle there's a $50 note. Who'll pick it up?
A: The dumb blonde. The others don't exist!
Q: What did the mom say to her blonde daughter before a date?
A: If your not in bed by 12 come home.

Q: What did the blonde's left leg say to the blonde's right leg?
A: Nothing, they've never met
 

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Why does a blond prefer BMW over Chevrolet?


She can spell BMW!


 


 


A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"


The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."


The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.


 


One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!"


The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?"


They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

Edited by jaman
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I told this one here quite a while back, but I still like it, so here goes again--

 

A chicken and an egg were lying in bed one lazy Sunday morning. The chicken held a cigarette in the feathers of one wing,and the other was folded behind his head. Blowing out a puff of smoke, he got a silly grin on his beak and said, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

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a

Q .. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A .. The back of her head.

Q .. What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A .. Artificial intelligence.

Q .. What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A .. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q .. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A .. They're both empty from the neck up.

Q .. What does a blonde owl say?
A .. What, what?

Q .. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A .. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q .. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A .. To see what was on the other side.

Q .. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A .. From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

Q .. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A .. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q .. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A .. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Hi Jaman !

Can I add one more ?

 

What do you call a Burnett between Blondes...............An Interpreter !

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   How do you amuse a blonde for hours? 

   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

 

   Did you hear about the two blondes that walked into a building? 

   You think one of them would have noticed it!

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Ok, I'm going to get beaten for these since the wife is a blonde but oh well...

 

How do blondes like their eggs in the morning?  Unfertilized.

 

What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?  Full.

 

Whats the difference between a blonde man and a blonde woman?  The woman usually has a higher sperm count.

 

What did the blonde say after waking up after a party under a milk cow?  Oh you guys are still here!

 

What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?  A brunette with bad breath!

 

Alright time to back off before I get into the dirty ones!   Thanks for all the laughs gang!!  :twothumbs: 

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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.[/size]

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her[/size]

husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.[/size]

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not

all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.[/size]

Good one Bumper
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We've all heard about blonde jokes, but what about brunette jokes...?

I know a few one-liners:

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What goes screech-vroom, screech-vroom ?
A brunette driving through a flashing red light.




Too Much Sugar
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.

"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette


************************************************************************

 

The brunette had been married about a year. One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. He didn't know how to react, so he started jumping up and down along with her.

"Why are we so happy?" he asked.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while. He grabbed her, and kissed her
"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier!"

Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more."

"What do you mean more?", he asked.

"Well we are not having just one baby
, we are going to have TWINS!"

He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant "How do you that," he asked.

"It was easy," she said."I went to the pharmacy
and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit."
"Both tests came out positive!"



*******************************

Dumb brunette jokes?

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.

"woof woof"

Why does a brunette have curtains on her PC?
To open windows

Is it true blondes have more fun?
No, they have ALL the fun.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible

Why do brunettes put ice in their nose before they go to work?
So their lunch won't spoil.

Why does a brunette have a see-through lunch box?
To know whether she's coming from or going to the office.

How do you recognize a brunette at the airport?
She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it. :lol:

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I must admit, I was a little down today, but after reading this thread, I've had a few chuckles and a few laugh out loud moments... thanks to everyone who contributed jokes to this thread! I think I'll bookmark it for the next time I need a lift!

 

KK

MADD for Heather

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So a blonde finds out that she is pregnant and goes to the doctor to find out the sex of the baby.  Upon returning home she is completely distraught and crying.  Her husband asks her what's wrong so she explains, The doctor said it's easy to figure out the sex of the baby, when we were making love if you were on top the man was dominant so we will have a boy, if I was on top the female was dominate so we will have a girl.  The husband a bit confused said, yes honey so what's the problem?  To which the blonde responded crying, "I think we are going to have puppies!"  :lmao:  :lmao:

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