Do you want to be alone when you die?

[Tiffany23]

Last night a group of friends and I were sitting at our local discussing life and how each culture view things a bit differently, it was a very diverse crowd: British, Irish, Auzzies and of course NZ reps.

We got to talking about death, and almost everyone of us had a story to share about being by a close family member or friend when they pass on. For me, it was my Grandfather.

It seemed that in almost every case, one or two things happened. Either a caretaker was present with the dying family member, at their bedside, and as soon as they left to maybe go to the bathroom or get something from the kitchen, the person was gone when they returned.

In the other scenario, it seemed that the person hung on, until everyone they cared about or was expecting to arrive, did so, and only then, did they pass on.

I heard from one medical person that many people actually prefer to die alone...they don't want their loved ones to see them in pain and that be that the last memory they have of them.

I'd like to get your thoughts on what you have experience in this area and what you would personally want.

Thoughts?

[BrokeNoMore]

I don't want to be alone and I won't be alone.

This happened to me 18 years ago:

I had what some people would call a near-death experience. It wasn't the result of an accident, but rather an extended illness for which my husband at the time would not help me get medical attention. By the time I knew I needed help, I was too ill to get it myself. This rotten bastard was going to let me die with my young children watching.

I was lying on my bed, and I was in so much pain that I could not endure the texture of the sheets. I could not tolerate touch, and I had been ill for so long that I was welcoming death.

I had what some would call a dream, others a vision. Jesus came into the room and sat down at the edge of my bed. We had a long talk. About life, about purpose, about my children. I was ready to go. When He got up to leave, I sat up out of my body and proceeded to follow Him. After a few steps, he turned to me, and said "it is not your time." I said, "that's okay, I'm coming with you now." He said, "you can't leave your children now." He took me by the hand, and led me back to my body, and gestured for me to get back in it. I started to cry, but I did it. I didn't want to be in pain anymore.

I woke up feeling a little better, and dramatically started to improve in spite of being nearly starved to death in my illness. I started to be able to take care of myself, and within a day I was able to drive myself to the hospital. Obviously I recovered.

I know that I will not die alone. I know this more surely than I believe my existence is not a figment of someone else's imagination. And there is nothing that anyone can say that would change my view on this. And I'm not afraid of death anymore. In those moments, I knew more peace than I imagined possible.

[AoK]

Good thread Tiffany! Good story BNM! It reminds me of this man's story:

Shalom..

[BradyBear]

I would like to have my sweet wife with me, but even if she was not even for a few moments, I would not be alone the sweet Angels of death would be there to escort me home to Paradise!

[moose 57]

I have been there in a very peaceful passing & very violent passings. After holding their hands & reassuring them that everything will be allright,that God was with them. I did feel a squeeze from them. So I would not want to be alone in the end.

[bamagirl]

If I was to have the choice I would want my husband and children with me. I would want my last words to be for them to know how much I love them. I was present when my mother passed and I am glad I was there, I felt like she knew me and my sister were with her, she went very peacefully. It was our last experience together and I know some won't understand but I truly cherish that time.

[learning all i can]

wow Tiff, this is pretty deep, a little deeper than I want to sink on this sunny Saturday afternoon..Excellent subject and would love to hear others thought...I'll come back later

[bamagirl]

I don't want to be alone and I won't be alone.

This happened to me 18 years ago:

I had what some people would call a near-death experience. It wasn't the result of an accident, but rather an extended illness for which my husband at the time would not help me get medical attention. By the time I knew I needed help, I was too ill to get it myself. This rotten bastard was going to let me die with my young children watching.

I was lying on my bed, and I was in so much pain that I could not endure the texture of the sheets. I could not tolerate touch, and I had been ill for so long that I was welcoming death.

I had what some would call a dream, others a vision. Jesus came into the room and sat down at the edge of my bed. We had a long talk. About life, about purpose, about my children. I was ready to go. When He got up to leave, I sat up out of my body and proceeded to follow Him. After a few steps, he turned to me, and said "it is not your time." I said, "that's okay, I'm coming with you now." He said, "you can't leave your children now." He took me by the hand, and led me back to my body, and gestured for me to get back in it. I started to cry, but I did it. I didn't want to be in pain anymore.

I woke up feeling a little better, and dramatically started to improve in spite of being nearly starved to death in my illness. I started to be able to take care of myself, and within a day I was able to drive myself to the hospital. Obviously I recovered.

I know that I will not die alone. I know this more surely than I believe my existence is not a figment of someone else's imagination. And there is nothing that anyone can say that would change my view on this. And I'm not afraid of death anymore. In those moments, I knew more peace than I imagined possible.

Wonderful story.

[Caye98]

I have been around a fair bit of death and the dying process. While all are somewhat unique, there is often some commonality (baring traumas).

I have performed hundreds of past-life regressions with clients, and ALL, without exception, look back upon a life and in spite of whatever they faced in life, and however they died, all report that "It was a good life."

Personally I believe we all die alone, regardless of who is physically present. It is a natural and unavoidable progression. I believe that a person's personal beliefs provide their comfort at the time of passing, and that can often include the presence of others who have passed on before. I also believe that much is based upon their cultural beliefs and expectations.

The Kahuna Taneo Sands Kumalae taught that a person's thoughts bind them to another, and as such, at the time of death approaches you ought to lovingly turn your thoughts to things other than the dying person, as that keeps them here as though they were bound in a concrete web or net.

I have had the "Near Death" experience myself, and it was extremely personal as well as confirming, comforting, and motivating. I have also shared experiences of contact with those who have passed on (very positive).

I have no fear of death, and I am in no hurry either. The time we spend here circling around the sun, and experiencing all of the wonderful sensations and emotions available to us are like the Disney World of the universe! (We'll be back...you don't have to believe in reincarnation...it will happen anyway)

For me, I hope that I am found on the balcony outside of my stateroom with my lover, both of our lifeless bodies found with ridiculous smiles on our faces! God (or whatever you care to refer to Him/Her/It/They by) Loves us, and will take us home in His time. Then you can just drop us over the side and let the circle of life continue. (By the way, I am in no hurry to go).

[smee2]

At first, Tiff, I thought you were just caught in a morbid mood. But then I got thinking about it ... you do have a way of making people think.

Given the ideal scenario I would want one person to be there, holding my hand. But, unfortunately, he died almost two years ago. He used some of his last minutes to call me and tell me what had happened. But search and rescue wanted him back on his cel to them so they could keep trying to find him. They were too late and he is gone. which ticks me off a lot because we had an agreement: he would let me go first so I would nt be the one to suffer all the grief that follows. Little sqirt beat me to it and now I am the one in counselling.

So, being realistic now, since I don't have him to be with me, I prefer to be alone, but comfortable, and have my memories to help guide me past whatever fears there might be. Even as I sit here typing this I am missing Neil so much the tears are just dripping down my face. I don't want to live without him. I would go this minute if it were possible. For the first few months afterwards I wanted to die ... seriously. But I didn't know what to do about my cats. I now have that problem solved and would go gladly. But I cannot do it myself. And for those who think that suicide is the easy way out, let me tell you it isn't It takes a lot of guts ... and I just don't have the strength to actually do it. I might have right afterwards but not now.

So if you are keeping a chart, Tiff, put me on the alone side.

smee2

[Tiffany23]

Wow...and I mean WOW....incredible feedback, thanks all! I'll be anxious to read more...

[aliciadogz]

Most of my life I've lived alone.My family and I aren't very close.I have no childern,I figtured this is what, God wanted for me in life. This is my life battle and my life lessons.So I have me,myself and I.also my dogz. I'm not aione . I always, feel somebody is there.Who knows,Maybe my Angel on my shouilders.Great post thanks!

[carolinadukegirl]

I've been a Hospice nurse for years, and have been present with many people as they've passed from this life to the next. It's quite often that I saw patients who waited until their family or loved ones left the room for a moment to take their final breath. They all felt it would spare their families the grief of watching them go. I've also watched as patients held on day after day fighting for every moment and breath until they finally "finished" something they felt was undone or unsaid.

There is such a difference between the death of Christian believers who know they are going to be with God and those who believe in nothingness. The latter are frightened or they may be stoic, but they are never really at peace. And it's so sad to watch and wait for.

To answer your question, I will not be alone when I die because even if there is no other person in the room, I will be in the arms of my Savior. I KNOW this as I also know I bore three children, although they are not present physically as I write this. That does not mean I question whether they really exist. It's a given and an absolute.

[Nelg]

Good thread, Tiff. I hope it will be alright, but when it looks as if everyone has commented who wants to comment, I will copy it all and use what I can in my book on "What Happens After Death." If some of you do not want me to use your story, then just let me know and I will delete yours. (Of course everyone uses a false identification. )

In my line of ministry I am with a lot of people who die, or with their family. Most of the time it is an experience where they are prepared and ready to pass. Some are not. With those prepared the families go through a brief period of mourning their loss. There are tears, prayers, smiles and sometimes even laughter. I know that sounds disrespectful, but in those cases, it's not. The family and friends love the person and remembering the life and joys they shared together, joy sometimes overflows with the victory the person who passed now enjoys. To be with Christ and to experience His presence is completeness. Life's journey is over and our eternal life begins.

There has been only a couple of times I have been called by the funeral home to bury a person who had no family, no friends, no acquaintances to mourn them. One time in Colorado I was called to assist in such a burial. It was cloudy, cold, and snow was beginning to fall. But it wasn't the coldness of the day, but the coldness of the situation that made it nearly unbearable. I ask if anyone was at the hospital when this man passed. The mortician said as far as he knew, no one was there either. I ask how many times an event like this took place. He said, "Too often." I couldn't help but shed a tear as I read the Scripture and prayed. I knew nothing about the man and whether he had any hope of eternal life or not. That was the saddest part to me.

Recently, a mother and friend passed into eternity. I was at the bedside with the family. She spoke to each family member and friend in the room, including me. They all sang a song of victory together. She sighed her last with a smiled and said, "Oh, how beautiful!" What a joy to be in that room and to experience the love of each person, and of God. He is the God of all comfort!

I pray that at my death I will have a room full of family and friends that sing songs of victory and joy. But if I die in an accident or on a jungle road in a foreign country, I am still not alone, for God and the ministering spirits (angels) will be there with me. I guess we will sing those victory songs together as I go to meet my Lord!

Thanks Tiffany.

[easyrider]

No one is ever alone when they die if they believe in our savior jesus christ. Death does welcome everyone with open arms. So i believe we ALL will never die alone but as for having a companion by my side of course i want to i think everyone wants that and someone to grow old with but it doesnt always work out the way we planned tis is life i suppose.

[Caye98]

Smee, thanks for sharing...I expect we may talk after RV and off this site. Until then one of my favorite sayings is "Better to be Alone, than wish you were!"

Aloha Nui Loa,

Makani-ke-oe

(Hawai'ian name)

[yota691]

Good thread, Tiff. I hope it will be alright, but when it looks as if everyone has commented who wants to comment, I will copy it all and use what I can in my book on "What Happens After Death." If some of you do not want me to use your story, then just let me know and I will delete yours. (Of course everyone uses a false identification. )

In my line of ministry I am with a lot of people who die, or with their family. Most of the time it is an experience where they are prepared and ready to pass. Some are not. With those prepared the families go through a brief period of mourning their loss. There are tears, prayers, smiles and sometimes even laughter. I know that sounds disrespectful, but in those cases, it's not. The family and friends love the person and remembering the life and joys they shared together, joy sometimes overflows with the victory the person who passed now enjoys. To be with Christ and to experience His presence is completeness. Life's journey is over and our eternal life begins.

There has been only a couple of times I have been called by the funeral home to bury a person who had no family, no friends, no acquaintances to mourn them. One time in Colorado I was called to assist in such a burial. It was cloudy, cold, and snow was beginning to fall. But it wasn't the coldness of the day, but the coldness of the situation that made it nearly unbearable. I ask if anyone was at the hospital when this man passed. The mortician said as far as he knew, no one was there either. I ask how many times an event like this took place. He said, "Too often." I couldn't help but shed a tear as I read the Scripture and prayed. I knew nothing about the man and whether he had any hope of eternal life or not. That was the saddest part to me.

Recently, a mother and friend passed into eternity. I was at the bedside with the family. She spoke to each family member and friend in the room, including me. They all sang a song of victory together. She sighed her last with a smiled and said, "Oh, how beautiful!" What a joy to be in that room and to experience the love of each person, and of God. He is the God of all comfort!

I pray that at my death I will have a room full of family and friends that sing songs of victory and joy. But if I die in an accident or on a jungle road in a foreign country, I am still not alone, for God and the ministering spirits (angels) will be there with me. I guess we will sing those victory songs together as I go to meet my Lord!

Thanks Tiffany.

I heard an old, old story,

How a Savior came from glory,

How He gave His life on Calvary

To save a wretch like me;

I heard about His groaning,

Of His precious blood's atoning,

Then I repented of my sins

And won the victory.

Chorus

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about His healing,

Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.

How He made the lame to walk again

And caused the blind to see;

And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,

Come and heal my broken spirit,"

And somehow Jesus came and bro't

To me the victory.

Chorus

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about a mansion

He has built for me in glory.

And I heard about the streets of gold

Beyond the crystal sea;

About the angels singing,

And the old redemption story,

And some sweet day I'll sing up there

The song of victory.

Chorus

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

[littlefeet]

The things you do for yourself will die with you; the things you do for others will live forever. I don' think I'll be alone.

[Nelg]

I heard an old, old story,

How a Savior came from glory,

How He gave His life on Calvary

To save a wretch like me;

I heard about His groaning,

Of His precious blood's atoning,

Then I repented of my sins

And won the victory.

Chorus

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about His healing,

Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.

How He made the lame to walk again

And caused the blind to see;

And then I cried, "Dear Jesus,

Come and heal my broken spirit,"

And somehow Jesus came and bro't

To me the victory.

Chorus

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about a mansion

He has built for me in glory.

And I heard about the streets of gold

Beyond the crystal sea;

About the angels singing,

And the old redemption story,

And some sweet day I'll sing up there

The song of victory.

Chorus

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

Amen!

[pattyangel]

I want my husband and family to be with me. This will be my last time to let them know that they are loved and I will continue to pray for them when I'm gone.

I want all the Heavenly Angels to be with me, to help me fight any last evil that will try and coerce me to stray away from My God.

In the meantime, love who you are and what you've become, and share your beauty with whomever you come in contact with.

So Tiffany, chalk me up for not being alone.

[Nelg]

Last night a group of friends and I were sitting at our local discussing life and how each culture view things a bit differently, it was a very diverse crowd: British, Irish, Auzzies and of course NZ reps.

We got to talking about death, and almost everyone of us had a story to share about being by a close family member or friend when they pass on. For me, it was my Grandfather.

It seemed that in almost every case, one or two things happened. Either a caretaker was present with the dying family member, at their bedside, and as soon as they left to maybe go to the bathroom or get something from the kitchen, the person was gone when they returned.

In the other scenario, it seemed that the person hung on, until everyone they cared about or was expecting to arrive, did so, and only then, did they pass on.

I heard from one medical person that many people actually prefer to die alone...they don't want their loved ones to see them in pain and that be that the last memory they have of them.

I'd like to get your thoughts on what you have experience in this area and what you would personally want.

Thoughts?

Tiffany, this is your thread. Can you tell us how you feel about your death (hopefully way in the future) and if you want to physically alone or with friends and family?

[pattyangel]

Smee, my heart is heavy for you. Hang tight and know that when your time comes, you will be with the love of your life. Pray to him and ask him to give you strength to carry each day with courage. I believe our love ones, that have gone before us, can still help us here on earth. That's the mystery of God.

Prayers to you from my direction.

[FlyHi]

I for one would not choose to be alone...but not in the way you may imagine. I don't see myself dying on a deathbed surrounded by friends and family...that to me is too selfish on my part and I never want a pity party nor deserve man's praise...I'd much rather be out helping someone and giving of myself right to the end and then be 'taken' in action...my faith is strong and I know I am not alone ever...death holds no fear for me..its just a transition from an earthly life where I as a person am a spirit with a soul (my personality that people see and interact with) and I live in a body. The shell will eventually give out and die but my spirit and soul will live on....its an adventure yet to be fully revealed. As for now...live each day to make a difference to someone else.

Little feet put it so well "The things you do for yourself will die with you; the things you do for others will live forever. I don' t think I'll be alone".

[rocketman2010]

EVERYBODY WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN, BUT NOBOBDY WANTS TO DIE......JUST SAYING

[Nelg]

At first, Tiff, I thought you were just caught in a morbid mood. But then I got thinking about it ... you do have a way of making people think.

Given the ideal scenario I would want one person to be there, holding my hand. But, unfortunately, he died almost two years ago. He used some of his last minutes to call me and tell me what had happened. But search and rescue wanted him back on his cel to them so they could keep trying to find him. They were too late and he is gone. which ticks me off a lot because we had an agreement: he would let me go first so I would nt be the one to suffer all the grief that follows. Little sqirt beat me to it and now I am the one in counselling.

So, being realistic now, since I don't have him to be with me, I prefer to be alone, but comfortable, and have my memories to help guide me past whatever fears there might be. Even as I sit here typing this I am missing Neil so much the tears are just dripping down my face. I don't want to live without him. I would go this minute if it were possible. For the first few months afterwards I wanted to die ... seriously. But I didn't know what to do about my cats. I now have that problem solved and would go gladly. But I cannot do it myself. And for those who think that suicide is the easy way out, let me tell you it isn't It takes a lot of guts ... and I just don't have the strength to actually do it. I might have right afterwards but not now.

So if you are keeping a chart, Tiff, put me on the alone side.

smee2

Smee2, I just read your post. I don't know how I missed it.

My wife and I are getting to a point in our life that "having things in order" is important for us and my daughter. We are getting that done. But we are having discussions on who will go first (as if we had a choice!). My feelings are that she should die first so that she will not go through the struggles of mourning and readjusting of 50 years together.

I pray for your struggle and that peace can enter your heart. May the God of all comfort comfort you now.