MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS...

[Bumper64]

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

[genx4me]

Thanks Bumper. A great read!

[idplzr]

Thank you Bumper, you made my day I needed that. I hope someday I will carry someone..

[DiveDeepSix]

Jeez bro, pack my bags I'm going on a guilt trip!! Actually going to leave the office and go let my bride know how much I lover her after all these years, thanks for the great read buddy!

[SnowGlobe7]

I am sitting at my desk at work crying....I love my husband so much...i am so lucky....thank you Bumper!!!

[Bumper64]

I sure wish I would have read this 8 years ago. I was a fool and didn't appreciate my then wife and we got divorced and I have regretted my mistakes every second of my life.

I hope this makes people think

DeepDiveSix, you are a mans man. Never take her for granted because life is to short!!

[SnowGlobe7]

I just called my husband crying telling him how wonderful he is...he says I have to quit getting so emotional after reading dinar.vets...lol

[Bumper64]

I just called my husband crying telling him how wonderful he is...he says I have to quit getting so emotional after reading dinar.vets...lol

[The Machine]

Some of the most precious things in life are right in front of our eyes ....... But we take them for granted , and sometimes forget about them altogether ...... Thanks for that buddy .

[Bumper64]

Some of the most precious things in life are right in front of our eyes ....... But we take them for granted , and sometimes forget about them altogether ...... Thanks for that buddy .

I agree

[easyrider]

I envy the ones that got married in a totally different time, when the marriage laws were different also there were women that actually had morals and wanted to be a wife instead of just the status and HUGE wedding we see today. Will i ever get married ? not sure if i really even want to any longer.. only time wil tell i am content just dating or being friends with someone relationships arent always about sex IMHO and marriage isnt for everyone, even Jesus Christ wasnt married. For young men now a days its very risky and with the economy and lack of jobs etc. it makes it even harder for couples to make it on their own(depending on where u live i guess) just wish times were different and more importantly the laws of marriage and jobs were easily available if i meet Mrs. right then so be it but i doubt it all to often i guess the ole saying goes "Don't search for love because true love will find you"

[BrokeNoMore]

My husband of eight years and our 13 year old daughter had to move out of our 3000 square foot house because of health hazards that have to be cleaned up. I've become very sick as a result of them, and life has been kind of hard.

We first house sat for friends for 3 weeks. It was like a working vacation--when we woke up every day we didn't have our work staring us in the face until we fell asleep at night.

The last three weeks have been spent in a hotel room, about 14'x20'; very small for three people. I'm cooking on a hot plate and a toaster oven.

We've really had to work on ourselves to spend this much time together. We're seeing unexpected changes in our 13 year old, for the better.

I don't know what my point was...but I really appreciated this post. I've read it before, and it made me cry again. I have a husband like that. Even under these conditions, he is loving and patient. Even when I'm tough to be around because I feel horrible, he waits me out.

I have always believed that my husband is the best man I have ever known, and as the years pass, I am increasingly convinced that I am right.

[Jaxinjersey]

I carry a daily, inherent mantra... "Love comes first". There is no room for "conditional love" and "taking it for granted".

[Shabibilicious]

My wife and I share everything with each other. She is my love and my best friend. My buddies and their wives always tell me....."she can't be your best friend, or else you are nothing more than roommates." I always chuckle and feel a little sorry for them. My roommate is still beautiful to me, crazy as a loon, crabby, cranky, funny, sexy....and impossible to ignore. She is my light and my dark. I am nothing without her. I would call her right now and tell her "I love you".......but the line will be busy because she is trying to call me at the same time. Thanks for the read Bump.

[Peace]

Geez I'm bawling turns out I needed a cry, thanks.

[RodandStaff]

My honey and I have been married 33 years now... and yes, there have been many tough years... not her fault just life coming at ya if ya know what I mean! But we were married by her grandpa who was a country preacher.... and at the time we didn't know it would be the last wedding he would ever preform.. that holds special meaning to us.

Our brief "marriage counseling" consisted not of some fancy class or long winded speeches... they said two things. "Never let the sun go down on your anger". We have tried to keep those words of wisdom and not go to bed angry.... of course we've lost a lot of sleep "working things out" in the meantime! The other precious word of wisdom they passed onto us love struck kids was simple... "Every day show some form of affection"... a gentle kiss, a touch, a pat on the...... well, you get the idea!!! I will never forget their living example when right in front of us... just as natural as can be and not at all staged this faithful grandma in her late 70's bent down and nibbled on her hubby's ear while he was sitting across the table from us.

I'm not perfect... far from it... but each day I try to live by those two simple rules... and I'm convinced they have kept us going all this years through thick and thin.

Thanks for the reminder Bumper (I can always use that)... and don't let your past haunt you. Each new day is a chance to start over... look forward to what lies ahead of you and it will work itself out.

"Don't search for love because true love will find you"

Easy... thanks for being so honest... and your right... true love will find ya when the time is right. My only advice... if you'll have it, is to be the person you know you should be and that way you won't come across as "needy". Imo gals are looking for a guy who can stand on their own but still choose to come along side them and partner with them for life. Same goes for girls for that matter. Take heart my friend... I know there are a lot of good girls who are still looking for a good man... so hang in there, if it's meant to be it will happen!!!

[Man_Kind]

Dam it Bumper................You just shut me down with that one ! Now I have to reboot !

I don't care who are, that story would make anyone twitch !

[Bumper64]

Dam it Bumper................You just shut me down with that one ! Now I have to reboot !

I don't care who are, that story would make anyone twitch !

I hear ya!!!

[dog53]

Great read bumper. I too lost a good one cause I wasnt paying attention. I was lucky enough to find another. I make sure I feed and water this one.

[jerry333]

I am picking up my wife from LAX right now, and a I thought I would check in to dinarvets before I leave. This story has touched me, because my wife has been gone for 9 months, funds are low, no job right now except trading FUTURES. we have twins that we both adore so much. Please pray for us. THANK YOU.

[pattyangel]

I skyped my hubby this morning in Kuwait and pass this on to him, Bumper. We were both moved by it. How I miss him dearly, soon we will get to play catch up, he will be my Christmas present this year.

Jerry333, I know the torture of separation, at times it can be unbearable. But know that God is your strength.

Mine has been 5 years of off on R&R time with him. God has bless me in having him with me this year for Christmas.

"One life time is not enough"....so true, oh so true.

[silverfox5963]

my wife and i were married just over 35 years. the last ten she batteled breast canser.i cannot express to you the last 4 and a halve years.she and i found more love and affection then i ever thought possible.shes been gone almost 6 years now.true love is fabulos. we married out of high school raised 4 kids and i miss her so much.

[DiveDeepSix]

Great read bumper. I too lost a good one cause I wasnt paying attention. I was lucky enough to find another. I make sure I feed and water this one.

ROFLMAO, don't forget long walks!

My wife and I share everything with each other. She is my love and my best friend. My buddies and their wives always tell me....."she can't be your best friend, or else you are nothing more than roommates." I always chuckle and feel a little sorry for them. My roommate is still beautiful to me, crazy as a loon, crabby, cranky, funny, sexy....and impossible to ignore. She is my light and my dark. I am nothing without her. I would call her right now and tell her "I love you".......but the line will be busy because she is trying to call me at the same time. Thanks for the read Bump.

So how does Mrs. Bourne feel about you being gone on assignment all the time, and moving from house to house? J/K :lol:

[Bumper64]

my wife and i were married just over 35 years. the last ten she batteled breast canser.i cannot express to you the last 4 and a halve years.she and i found more love and affection then i ever thought possible.shes been gone almost 6 years now.true love is fabulos. we married out of high school raised 4 kids and i miss her so much.

Wow! 35 years is a long time! Congratulations

Sorry to hear about her having to fight breast cancer for 10 years.

I am sure you miss her a lot.

My heart goes out to you my friend

[bamagirl]

Wow Bumper, that one will sure make you appreciate your loved one... made me cry, some of y'alls stories made me cry... I love how you men on here don't mind showing your love and appreciation of your wives, that even makes me tear up, lol! Bumper and Easy you are both wonderful people, you'll both find someone one day and they'll be very lucky women!