If you could change one thing about yourself...

[easyrider]

I can definitely identify with what you are going through. My dad left my mom when I was 13 years old. He was very successful, a surgeon, good looking guy, etc., etc., Went through a painful period for many years with my dad not acknowledging myself or my siblings as it were. As time has rolled on, it is interesting how things play out. I am now 51, he is now 77, and back in November of 2011, he had a massive stroke, Complete blockage of the right carotid artery, which left his left side of the body completely paralyzed. He is now in a nursing home, cannot do anything but think about his life. I buried the hatchet several years ago, and thank God I did, because now I feed him his dinner daily, as he cannot do anything but get lifted into the hoyer lift, and go eat dinner with people that are primarily worse off than he is. He can still talk, can't see at all, but has time to reflect on his life, his mistakes, and what could have been. I have grown so much closer to him in the last several months as I help with the nursing staff on the daily duties as I wind up my workday and drive the hour back home after being with him. His long term memory is fantastic, short term is not good at all, but the good thing about it, is that we have been able to re-bond after so many years, and I know he will not be around much longer, I think he senses it as well, but more importantly, we have been able to discuss so many things that if he does not wake up tomorrow, I feel blessed that we were able to spend the time we have had together.

I hope that you can have that same sense of closure that I have had lately. I can totally identify with your situation, and most importantly, if you can forgive him which was hard for me to do, you will feel much more peace and be able to move on.

Good luck to you! Rich

hey thaanks rich yea its been on and off and now we completely dont communicate any longer and ive tried. He has his own problems i get that, but we are his blood and it seems he just doesnt wanna put forth the effort now that my brother and I are grown up. My brother said he has moved on and denies that fact he doesnt care anymore but deep down he is hurting and he still loves my dad and wish we could have that fatherly bond like we used to before he left us. Anyhow, i wanted to buy giants tickets when this RV happens so we could go together and spend some time because i grew up playing baseball and he coached me and we will always have that in common i wont give up im not a quitter and its not the way God made me.

[myst]

wow,well here goes......

The one thing that i would love to change about myself........would be to have "courage".

..not a coward or afraid.!

Am very reclusive,it takes 3 or 4 hours to finally take that huge step outside my door way by myself.

Would love the courage to walk into any situation......be it shopping, out to eat,taking a long walk, traveling.....And enjoy every minute of each thing I do , capable of doing it alone.

Rather silly,but what I would so love to change about myself.

myst

[Nadita]

Good luck ijdk!! About me.....I know this sounds cheesy but I like me and wouldn't change a thing.....I'm a little OCD about things but I wouldn't change that either because it has its advantages sometimes....

Bama,

You go girl...when we know who we are... nothing to be changed as we are at peace with ourselves. Finding the inner peace and forgiving ourselves for the things we can't change or should have, could have... are the keys ...

Love your honesty

[WorkerBee]

wow,well here goes......

The one thing that i would love to change about myself........would be to have "courage".

..not a coward or afraid.!

Am very reclusive,it takes 3 or 4 hours to finally take that huge step outside my door way by myself.

Would love the courage to walk into any situation......be it shopping, out to eat,taking a long walk, traveling.....And enjoy every minute of each thing I do , capable of doing it alone.

Rather silly,but what I would so love to change about myself.

myst

My oldest daughter suffers from this as well. It's horrible. I'm so sorry, I know the only way to overcome is to confront but that is easier said than done. Especially when the fear/anxiety causes unwanted physical side effects.

[Nadita]

wow,well here goes......

The one thing that i would love to change about myself........would be to have "courage".

..not a coward or afraid.!

Am very reclusive,it takes 3 or 4 hours to finally take that huge step outside my door way by myself.

Would love the courage to walk into any situation......be it shopping, out to eat,taking a long walk, traveling.....And enjoy every minute of each thing I do , capable of doing it alone.

Rather silly,but what I would so love to change about myself.

myst

Myst,

I was in your shoes and understand where you come from... when I first became a Christian, most of people will want to go to bar or get a drink with you but not to bible study so I have to get the courage to go by myself as no one will go with me... and now I don't have any problem... you will be okay.. when you want to go outside just think in your mind that you are going with a friend and focus on the good time that you will have... the fear will go away... I can go anywhere at anytime without fear now... I travel a lot for business alone so I have to do it or I won't eat lol

[Unitedrich]

hey thaanks rich yea its been on and off and now we completely dont communicate any longer and ive tried. He has his own problems i get that, but we are his blood and it seems he just doesnt wanna put forth the effort now that my brother and I are grown up. My brother said he has moved on and denies that fact he doesnt care anymore but deep down he is hurting and he still loves my dad and wish we could have that fatherly bond like we used to before he left us. Anyhow, i wanted to buy giants tickets when this RV happens so we could go together and spend some time because i grew up playing baseball and he coached me and we will always have that in common i wont give up im not a quitter and its not the way God made me.

It took about 25 years for us easy. I am so glad that I swallowed my pride, and accepted each day for what it is. I look at life so much more differently now that I know time is fleeting. There will come a time in the future, when you will most likely be in the same place that I am in now, and he will not be as young and need things, think about life, and believe me when I say this, he hurts inside from not having the relationship with you MORE than you not having the relationship with him. I know this firsthand, and I will almost guarantee you that the tough guy exterior will evaporate once he is incapacitated or not in the same position he once was.

Just my recent experience. Good luck to you my friend. Rich

[Nadita]

My height. I'm 5'2" and would like to be 5'6"

I like everything else including my personality and my good heart.

If that sounds shallow you need to know that I have done 20 years of spiritual work on myself. It doesn't change you physically but spiritually I'm a very tall person!!!

High five for you and I hope you are a giant in the spirit and a fierceful one...

For me will be to wait for the other person to finish their saying.. I know where they are going in the conversation and I don't have patience to wait till they finish lol...

This can be an advantage and disadvantage as my mind works fast.. lol

[mrparrot]

I'd change how I look.

I'm beyond ugly.

Seriously.

When I posted a picture of

myself on Facebook, they took

it down and said that I had

violated their T.O.S....

[Shinnidan]

My height. I'm 5'2" and would like to be 5'6"

I like everything else including my personality and my good heart.

If that sounds shallow you need to know that I have done 20 years of spiritual work on myself. It doesn't change you physically but spiritually I'm a very tall person!!!

nothing can kick you better than the harsh reality, huh? so thats why God had some one invent High Heels. hehehe

sorry, Goldie...me ish an avg 5'5....me ish good with that. reason why me no ware too much heals other than me cowboy boots.

me change...well...me kinda let me-self go, i mean really go, several years back....and never really looked back... if this thing RV's good...a visit to Dr Vacuum Phat....couldn't really hurt. heheeh

[myst]

My oldest daughter suffers from this as well. It's horrible. I'm so sorry, I know the only way to overcome is to confront but that is easier said than done. Especially when the fear/anxiety causes unwanted physical side effects.

Thank you so much WorkerBee...... do not let it completely beat me........ will not let that happen....even with a strong

mind,it does get the best of me ,way more than I like ....

Will continue to fight it.....RV means i could hire a body guard,

that is a cop out.....but what ever works

Am so sorry for you daughter..... it will always be a battle or has been for me.

myst

Myst,

I was in your shoes and understand where you come from... when I first became a Christian, most of people will want to go to bar or get a drink with you but not to bible study so I have to get the courage to go by myself as no one will go with me... and now I don't have any problem... you will be okay.. when you want to go outside just think in your mind that you are going with a friend and focus on the good time that you will have... the fear will go away... I can go anywhere at anytime without fear now... I travel a lot for business alone so I have to do it or I won't eat lol

Nadita, thank you for your post..... Always with such wise advice........thanks.

Will try to remember what you have said,the next time i step out the door.

Was able to get over my fear of flying...........should be able to get over this......

seems easier said than done!

myst

[tampa1000]

I'd change how I look.

I'm beyond ugly.

Seriously.

When I posted a picture of

myself on Facebook, they took

it down and said that I had

violated their T.O.S....

Mr. Parrot I read some really heart touching post on here especially the one's about their fathers.... But yours really made me laugh!!! Money can't buy love but after a big RV you can sure rent it and feel like a good looking KING!!! No need for looks then amigo...

[Tiffani929]

I've spent the last few years shaping the person I am, and really working on building a strong character, so in that area of my life I am content, though still learning.

My change is I guess a little shallow. I would like to have a different view of perfection. As a former anorexic (10 years "clean") I have a very distorted view of how I see myself. It used to just be weight, but I can always find something about myself that could be different. At this point in my life I say "Eh, whatever" but I always feel like the odd duck in the room.

I'm brainstorming ideas for another thread and will gladly take suggestions

I can't wait to meet you all in Las Vegas!

[Francie26]

If there were but 1 thing I could change, it would be my heart. A heart from deceit and depravity to a heart that is pure, compassionate, loving and pleasing in Gods eyes. My sin is ever before me and more than anything I want to walk in a way that is pleasing to my Saviour. all the time

If God has forgiven you, then who are you to hold your past against yourself and your future? Through your regret and sorrow, God has washed your heart pure again, although you will always remember . . . But that's good. It's so you don't forget and slide back into being someone you really didn't want to be. Congratuations for making a great decision to change your life.

I've spent the last few years shaping the person I am, and really working on building a strong character, so in that area of my life I am content, though still learning.

My change is I guess a little shallow. I would like to have a different view of perfection. As a former anorexic (10 years "clean") I have a very distorted view of how I see myself. It used to just be weight, but I can always find something about myself that could be different. At this point in my life I say "Eh, whatever" but I always feel like the odd duck in the room.

I'm brainstorming ideas for another thread and will gladly take suggestions

I can't wait to meet you all in Las Vegas!

You are extraordinary in that you could make this monumental change in your life. This is no small thing. I commend you.

[Shabibilicious]

My dashing good looks......and then probably my humility, a distant second.

GO RV, then BV

Oh, and my knack for making inappropriate wise cracks at the wrong times.....see above.

Edited April 5, 2012 by Shabibilicious

[Francie26]

i wish i could have been more understanding about my parents divorce and to mend ties with my dad because we dont have a good relationship, i have attempted to contact him but he never calls me back

As a "child" in that situation, Easy, no matter what your age at the time, it was not up to you to be understanding. It was up to your parents to show you how to be, to wait for you to grow into it, and to allow you back into their lives the moment you showed even an inkling of a desire to return. So don't fault yourself for this. I do not know your dad, but I have a similar story which may shed some light on your situation. My mother let me walk with her to the bus on the street corner down from our house in Los Angeles when I was barely five years old. She told me to go back and waved goodbye, and I didn't see her again for 38 years. When I did finally see her, the whole experience closed that door for me. She was such a shallow person that I was stunned. I could hardly believe that this woman was actually my mother. I'd had years to imagine how wonderful she would be, although as an adult, I know that simply didn't make sense. But once I was with her every day for an entire week all those years later, I was glad to let her go, at least emotionally. I didn't do it deliberately or to get even, and I actually stayed in contact with her until she died, but I never saw her again, nor wanted to. it's just that we had nothing to say to each other by then. You would think that a mother would have at least one or two small special memories of her oldest little girl, but she didn't. She could remember that I had been there, but she couldn't remember anything at all about me or my babyhood or early childhood, how I looked, anything I said or did, nothing special I liked, nothing at all.

She told us that she had spent most of those intervening years after leaving us on a barstool and she lamented that those good times were over, saying that she didn't regret a single one of them. Of course, she was having those good times she never regretted during the same time when my two baby sisters and I were being abused by various relatives and praying she would come get us. She eventually did remarry and had another daughter who hadn't been told about us. It was almost like I didn't even exist for my mother, hadn't existed for her all those years, and frankly, I found that I no longer cared. (I have two daughters and two sons, and I can tell their childhood stories all day long. Being their mother was more important to me than anything else in my life, and this made me see her a bit more judgmentally than I had ever done before). I may sound angry, but I have no feelings about her one way or another, nor did I when when she came back to see us. Of course, by then, I was grown with my own four children, and it had been many years since I had needed her.

So perhaps your dad is just not the man you think he is. It happens. Perhaps he can't face you or think of you or allow you back into his life because he doesn't want to face himself and his own guilt. Or maybe he just doesn't have the manhood to put himself in a situation in which he may be asked at some point to explain himself. Or sadly, Easy, like my mother, it may just be that your dad isn't and never will be the man you already are. And trust me, a man always knows when he's outclassed, especially by a wife or a male child, or when he is in any situation in which he should be a bigger man than he is--and knows it.

Easy, I have watched you post on here for quite a while now, and I suspect you are just a better man than your father was/is. But you can also be a different parent than he ever was. You can bring your own children the love and values you didn't get from your dad, and you can change your difficult childhood into a lifelong success story. I know this because I did it.

Mr. Parrot I read some really heart touching post on here especially the one's about their fathers.... But yours really made me laugh!!! Money can't buy love but after a big RV you can sure rent it and feel like a good looking KING!!! No need for looks then amigo...

Or get plastic surgery.

[Francie26]

What would I change about myself if I could? I would love to stop always trying to jump in and share my own life lessons, even if it comes from honestly wanting to help someone else. I usually don't realize I'm doing this until after I've already done it. And my life lessons are not the same as those of others. They are all entitled to their own, and I have to realize that, the fact that I have lived a long time and endured doesn't mean I have everyone's answers. I don't do it thinking I do, but I do tend to think that what I have learned can help others even when they haven't asked for my input. lol

[bamagirl]

Francie, you are a truly wonderful woman...

Francie, you are a truly wonderful woman...

[Tiffani929]

Francie, you are a truly wonderful woman...

Francie, you are a truly wonderful woman...

Agreed!

[grand pubah]

Well lets see here.....I got a bunch of one things I would change about myself

I am a deep thinker and have a tendency to procrastinate about things I don't want to do.

I would like to be more outgoing. I am pretty outgoing now as I have learned to be because of my profession but would like to be even more so when I pull back into myself for time alone.

I would like to be a better husband and father than I am. I can get lost in whatever project I am working on or in what I am involved in and neglect consideration to my family sometimes.

I have the tenacity of a bull dog but also have a tendency to get focused on one thing at a time and don't multitask well.

That's enough for now.

Maybe I will let you know more one things later!

GP

[cajunrescuemedic]

I really wish I could be a better husband and person. I know this sounds cheesy. I'm not worried about my looks....God made me this ugly for a reason. LOL I guess I could sure use a bigger heart, that would never hurt anyone.

[colt32]

I would change my self image. On the outside I may look handsome and well fit, but somehow I miss that. And, inevitably I seem to draw women to myself that end up hurting me. It's confusing but I think it has to do with the self image. Or, maybe it's true that nice guys do finish last. lol.

[AVENGER]

Have thought about giving a response for a couple of days, and finally have given in. After saving all monies that I earned in the service I would have moved to the high mountains

of Idaho and never spoke to another human being again. Life would be so much less stressful and happier. And the truth is most people aren't worth the effort.

[Francie26]

Im 34 years old and stuck in the same job for 10 years. I am now changing careers and pursue becoming a teacher. I know this really isn't applicable. But I guess I am going to try and change something I currently am wishing I could change. Wish me luck I am scared out of my mind.

You can do it. Trust yourself enough to let go of your fears and just keep going. I know this because I did this, too. I was married, had four children, realized I was married to a controller who had no money sense at all, and knew I would never have a single bit of control over my life if I didn't have a career, so over his "almost" dead body, when my last little one marched off to school with her sister and her brothers, I went to college. Then I went . . . and I went . . . and I went. haha I ended up with three degrees and taught college English for many years. And it's a good thing I did go to college and get those degrees because my husband wanted a divorce after we'd been married 32 years. (We just never really did belong together). My last child had just left home, I'd completed the highest degree the university offered, and I didn't know where I would go from there, so it was hard on me for a while. In fact, for a while there, I thought my life was over because of that clown. But what I didn't know was that I still had many years, great grownup daughters, many friends, a wonderful future husband worth the name, and a flourishing career ahead of me. So all you can do is to keep stepping out on faith and go where the path leads you. It worked for me. And I'm still doing that. In fact, that's probably why I'm here. A couple years ago, the bottom dropped out of my 401K, and I had to sell my house and move in with that very same "youngest daughter" and her family. At that time, I invested the last money I had in dinar, and I am certain it will lead to further great things. And if not, : : sigh : : so be it. I'll just keep working on another business I'm starting. Guess God will decide when I can let go and stop worrying about money. But as I look back, I have always found a lifeline. So I'm sure that there will be one this time, too. This is why I know I'll be fine, and it's why I know that, as long as you keep moving, you'll be fine too.

[grand pubah]

You can do it. Trust yourself enough to let go of your fears and just keep going. I know this because I did this, too. I was married, had four children, realized I was married to a controller who had no money sense at all, and knew I would never have a single bit of control over my life if I didn't have a career, so over his "almost" dead body, when my last little one marched off to school with her sister and her brothers, I went to college. Then I went . . . and I went . . . and I went. haha I ended up with three degrees and taught college English for many years. And it's a good thing I did go to college and get those degrees because my husband wanted a divorce after we'd been married 32 years. (We just never really did belong together). My last child had just left home, I'd completed the highest degree the university offered, and I didn't know where I would go from there, so it was hard on me for a while. In fact, for a while there, I thought my life was over because of that clown. But what I didn't know was that I still had many years, great grownup daughters, many friends, a wonderful future husband worth the name, and a flourishing career ahead of me. So all you can do is to keep stepping out on faith and go where the path leads you. It worked for me. And I'm still doing that. In fact, that's probably why I'm here. A couple years ago, the bottom dropped out of my 401K, and I had to sell my house and move in with that very same "youngest daughter" and her family. At that time, I invested the last money I had in dinar, and I am certain it will lead to further great things. And if not, : : sigh : : so be it. I'll just keep working on another business I'm starting. Guess God will decide when I can let go and stop worrying about money. But as I look back, I have always found a lifeline. So I'm sure that there will be one this time, too. This is why I know I'll be fine, and it's why I know that, as long as you keep moving, you'll be fine too.

Hi Francie. wow what a wonderfully strong person you are and a great example for others to follow!

As far as worrying about money I think it is more a complete overhaul of our thinking about money that will enable us to be free of our fears about money than it is a matter of when God decides.

This is a very common area with most people but we are transformed as our thinking is renewed to truth.

I encourage you to participate in the interaction on Eker's book and the blog and to be as proactive about this issue as you have so wonderfully been in other areas of your life amid great resistance.

You are an amazing person and I love your uplifting and positive perspective of your life and experience!

GP

[Francie26]

Have thought about giving a response for a couple of days, and finally have given in. After saving all monies that I earned in the service I would have moved to the high mountains

of Idaho and never spoke to another human being again. Life would be so much less stressful and happier. And the truth is most people aren't worth the effort.

True, not all people are worth the effort. In fact, most aren't. But some are. It's just a sorting game, sorting through those who aren't to find those who are. But it is a game sooooo worth playing. Actually, it's the only real game in town. I hope your wounds will heal and the scars that are left will simply show you've been in the battle, for that is what life often is. As a warrior, you must know to just keep fighting. I am soooo very sorry you hurt. It's sometimes hard to endure, but please remember that, for every pain you feel, you will be rewarded with just as many joys. So Rule # 1--when it feels like no one loves you, then love yourself all the more. In fact, that's the proverbial "knot" you are supposed to tie so you can hang on. This is just a "dry spell," and things will always change as long as you are out there making life happen. For now, also please remember that most of us here respect you highly and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your brave service for our country and for all Americans, including each of us.

I would change my self image. On the outside I may look handsome and well fit, but somehow I miss that. And, inevitably I seem to draw women to myself that end up hurting me. It's confusing but I think it has to do with the self image. Or, maybe it's true that nice guys do finish last. lol.

Yes, Colt32, they may finish last, but they finish sooooo well!! Just keep going. That's how the race is won, no matter which race we are talking about. On this level, they are all the same.

Hey Grand Pubah,

Thank you very much, my friend. I hope my postings telling the facts of my life don't sound self-serving. They aren't meant to be. I always feel a tiny quiver of dread just before hitting that post button to send. Believe it or not, I've always been a very private person, so this is apparently a venue where I can share more of myself. Even after all these years, I still seem to need to be "inspired" by the pain or need of others in order to do it. So I hope it helps the people for whom I lay open my very life. haha (For that's what it feels like I'm doing).