2000th Post Wins!

[cisole]

"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat ’em now?

[BJinMontreal]

The difference between a sex maniac and a regular maniac is that a regular maniac slits your throat.

This beautiful woman says, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

I figure what the heck, so I show her mine. Then she shows me hers. Hers is bigger.

Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called "Headmaster?"

You really have to hand it to the blind prostitute...

Sorry wasn't paying attention. I will be good now. Very Very good.

ooooh ... I'll just bet You're always very very good !!!

[bald1]

There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.

When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.

The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room. He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?"

The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it."

"Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said.

"Oh, and why is that?" The mom asked.

"Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.

[cisole]

I love dinar too!!!

[BJinMontreal]

What do you call kids born in .. um .. ahem ...houses of ill-repute?

Brothel sprouts

[Aces-n-Eights]

Sex n shopping have one thing in common: In both the cases, men start sweating in 15 minutes n women want to go on and on and on and on!

and speaking of going on and on....

[mcuman]

I love dinar too!!!

Glad you said that. can I put up a little something and get everyone's opinion of it?

[genx4me]

I love dinar too!!!

Me too!!!

[cisole]

Glad you said that. can I put up a little something and get everyone's opinion of it?

sure?

Me too!!!

Me three!

[genx4me]

What do you call kids born in .. um .. ahem ...houses of ill-repute?

Brothel sprouts

[mcuman]

This was taken verbatum from Talabani's speech before the UN General Assembly yesterday. Did he say what I think he said about Chap 7??!!!!

In addition to this, we were able to get rid of the sanctions and restrictions imposed on Iraq as a result of the invasion of Kuwait. Based on Security Council Resolutions 1956, 1957 and 1958, adopted on 15 December 2010, Iraq has been freed completely from all of the restrictions imposed on it which have prevented the country from benefiting from scientific and technological advances, and Iraq has gained its sovereignty in regards to its financial resources. After this important stage in building the state, we feel that we are taking firm steps on the road of democracy and development and that we

have a bigger need to open the doors of investment in Iraq.

[Danan]

and speaking of going on and on....

And where is that store? I know Betty and I both want a pair.

This was taken verbatum from Talabani's speech before the UN General Assembly yesterday. Did he say what I think he said about Chap 7??!!!!

In addition to this, we were able to get rid of the sanctions and restrictions imposed on Iraq as a result of the invasion of Kuwait. Based on Security Council Resolutions 1956, 1957 and 1958, adopted on 15 December 2010, Iraq has been freed completely from all of the restrictions imposed on it which have prevented the country from benefiting from scientific and technological advances, and Iraq has gained its sovereignty in regards to its financial resources. After this important stage in building the state, we feel that we are taking firm steps on the road of democracy and development and that we

have a bigger need to open the doors of investment in Iraq.

Adam said still isn't done.

[cisole]

[BJinMontreal]

Glad you said that. can I put up a little something and get everyone's opinion of it?

Go for it.

MC,

I believe it may in fact be done (or almost done) ... but it isn't officially done until it is announced by the UN Security Council - Not Talibani.

[mcuman]

Go for it.

MC,

I believe it may in fact be done (or almost done) ... but it isn't officially done until it is announced by the UN Security Council - Not Talibani.

oooOOOOOkay. Back to silliness.

[BJinMontreal]

sure?

Me three!

Sorry .. I thought you said dinner ... I mean who doesn't like a good dinner?

[Danan]

It can't be done yet, my passport isn't here. Oh well, I can go later..

[mcuman]

is that one a them thar puny thousund deenar notes? GIVE ME DINAR! GIVE ME DINAR! THEN GIVE ME $$$$$

It can't be done yet, my passport isn't here. Oh well, I can go later..

You show up looking like your avatar and the guys will carry you any where you want go.

or

Passports? Where we're going, you won't need passports.

Edited September 24, 2011 by mcuman

[BJinMontreal]

But .. of course as Red Buttons says .. there was ..

# Adam, who said to God, "I've got more ribs, do you got more broads?"... and said to George Burns, "Dad, can I have my allowance?"... never got a dinner.

# Moses, who said to the Children of Israel, "Wear your galoshes, I never did this trick before... and stop calling me Charelton!"... never got a dinner.

# Jack the Ripper's mother, who said, "How come I never see you with the same girl twice?"... never got a dinner.

# President Jimmy Carter, who said to Pope John Paul II, "Next time bring the missus"... never got a dinner.

# King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, "Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea"... never got a dinner.

# Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, "Maybe we're white"... never got a dinner.

# Doctor Spock, who said, "Never raise your hand to your kids, it leaves your groin unprotected"... never got a dinner.

# King Soloman, who said to his thousand wives, "Who hasn't got a headache?"... never got a dinner.

# The invisible man's wife, who said, "I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop!"... never got a dinner.

# Aladdin, who said to his wife, "I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing!"... never got a dinner.

[Danan]

But .. of course as Red Buttons says .. there was ..

# Adam, who said to God, "I've got more ribs, do you got more broads?"... and said to George Burns, "Dad, can I have my allowance?"... never got a dinner.

# Moses, who said to the Children of Israel, "Wear your galoshes, I never did this trick before... and stop calling me Charelton!"... never got a dinner.

# Jack the Ripper's mother, who said, "How come I never see you with the same girl twice?"... never got a dinner.

# President Jimmy Carter, who said to Pope John Paul II, "Next time bring the missus"... never got a dinner.

# King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, "Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea"... never got a dinner.

# Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, "Maybe we're white"... never got a dinner.

# Doctor Spock, who said, "Never raise your hand to your kids, it leaves your groin unprotected"... never got a dinner.

# King Soloman, who said to his thousand wives, "Who hasn't got a headache?"... never got a dinner.

# The invisible man's wife, who said, "I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop!"... never got a dinner.

# Aladdin, who said to his wife, "I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing!"... never got a dinner.

OK BJ what the heck does "Never got a dinner" mean? I am totally confused.

[bald1]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

Edited September 24, 2011 by bald1

[Danan]

is that one a them thar puny thousund deenar notes? GIVE ME DINAR! GIVE ME DINAR! THEN GIVE ME $$$$$

You show up looking like your avatar and the guys will carry you any where you want go.

or

Passports? Where we're going, you won't need passports.

I can work on that.

[Texas2step]

ode to Johnny Carson as Karnak the Magnificent...

Ed hands Karnak the 1st envelope... Karnak holds hermetically sealed envelope to his turbine and devines the answer...

A: Touchback.

Ed laughs and repeats answer... Karnak scolds Ed with sarcastic remark...tears open end of envelope and blows into it to separate

Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some sad news from Australia....the inventor of the boomerang gernade

died today...."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A: Catch 22

Q: What do the Los Angeles Dodgers do with 100 pop flies.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A: A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton

Q: Name two big hits, two big mitts.....and a famous country singer!

[BJinMontreal]

OK BJ what the heck does "Never got a dinner" mean? I am totally confused.

Red Buttons was a regular on the Dean Martin celebrity roasts on tv and part of his act was always talking about the people who were never honored with a lavish feast such as the roastee was getting.

Here's Red Buttons at the roasts of Frank Sinatra ... and George Burns

My link

Edited September 24, 2011 by BJinMontreal

[Danan]

OK guys I am signing out now. going to the sack. Keep it going, darn that sounds familiar. Oh yessss.