These are the Cowboy Rules in effect for: Arizona, Texas,
Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho and
the rest of the Wild West.
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell
like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east
and west, I-17 & I-15 go north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have an $80,000 car. We're impressed. We have $350,000
Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL
shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applies to all women, regardless
11. No, there's no '"vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in the North East
call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and
served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new
friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in
hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!