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Texas Declares War

JBrookes

By JBrookes,
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JBrookes Newbie

JBrookes

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Texas Declares War on the USA.

ONLY IN TEXAS!!!!!!!

President Barrack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas , I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!" Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day… “President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harold’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

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JBrookes Newbie

JBrookes

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I myself found this joke to be very funny. Just makes me wonder what obama's next comment would have been.LOL I've always been told that one man fighting for his freedom is worth 20 paid soldiers.

Ya know! I wonder too! :lol:

&&& for the record I TOTALLY support our troops & appreciate everything each one does for us. I also appreciate their families for the support they give their soldier & sacrifices they make!!

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Tiffany23 Newbie

Tiffany23

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Great one JB! Mind if your twin sister tell one?

One Texas Soldier

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban".

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them."

:P

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JBrookes Newbie

JBrookes

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Great one JB! Mind if your twin sister tell one?

One Texas Soldier

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban".

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them."

:P

:lmao: I love it!! Thank you for sharing!!

Im a Texan and i know Archie

1 bad MoFo!

Semper Fi

:lol: Ain't he!! :lol:;)

I'm a Texan and I like it.

:lol: Thank you!! :lol:

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JBrookes Newbie

JBrookes

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just for the record I support our troops and all they do also. My previous statement could have raised some eyebrows but not my intention. keep the good jokes coming.

Oh I know you meant well! :) I was just making a statement so no one would take the joke the wrong way. It was absolutely not directed toward you. I'm sorry if it seemed that way. :) I will pass on any others I get!! Love jokes!! Laughter is good for the soul!! :D

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jmac8862 Newbie

jmac8862

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A man and woman are driving down the road and get pulled over by a trooper.

The officer looks at the man who is now wearing his seat belt and says sir I don't believe you were wearing that when I first saw you. He assured the officer that he always wore his seat belt and that he must have been mistaken. When all of a sudden his wife pipes up and says honey you never wear your seat belt. At that point the man looked at his wife with an angry face.

The officer then says sir why were you speeding? The man assures the officer that he was going under the speed limit and that he never speeds. His wife pipes in honey you know that is not true you always speed. The husband growls at his wife and tells her to shut her mouth.

The officer then asks the women is he alway violent like this. She replies no officer only when he has been drinking. LOLohmy.gif

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JBrookes Newbie

JBrookes

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A man and woman are driving down the road and get pulled over by a trooper.

The officer looks at the man who is now wearing his seat belt and says sir I don't believe you were wearing that when I first saw you. He assured the officer that he always wore his seat belt and that he must have been mistaken. When all of a sudden his wife pipes up and says honey you never wear your seat belt. At that point the man looked at his wife with an angry face.

The officer then says sir why were you speeding? The man assures the officer that he was going under the speed limit and that he never speeds. His wife pipes in honey you know that is not true you always speed. The husband growls at his wife and tells her to shut her mouth.

The officer then asks the women is he alway violent like this. She replies no officer only when he has been drinking. LOLohmy.gif

:lol::lmao: That is GREAT!!! I love it!! :lol::lmao:

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Thor363 Newbie

Thor363

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I'm a Texas and I resent this stereotypical post.

When the dinar RV's, please feel free (and encouraged) to buy a sense of humor. :blink:

Many from Texazz here and none take offense... tell a Canadian joke, I might even laugh. ...course I might need to buy a sense of humor too! :D

No picking at JBrookes, she rocks and is always a pleasure to have here! :twocents:

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