nstoolman1 Posted November 7, 2022 Report Share 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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nstoolman1 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back." "NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street. The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride." Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out... "Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley... YOU RIDE IT!!"....... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nstoolman1 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to his barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there. It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “United!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.” “That dump; replied the barber! That’s the worst hotel in Rome. The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?” We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope. “That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!” A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of United’s brand-new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful young stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They were overbooked too, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!” “Well,” muttered the barber. “I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.” “Actually, I was quite lucky, for as I toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked in. As I knelt down, he spoke to me.” “What did he say?” “He said, ‘Where’d you get the crappy haircut?” 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nstoolman1 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go." The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!! The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nstoolman1 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share An inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God" St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of the woman?" God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention too: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions; 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds; 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft, and wobble too much; 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust; 5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!" "Hmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in some key words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nstoolman1 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share THIS IS IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM, SO HERE ARE ALL OF THE ANSWERS IN ONE RECAP. YES, HE BIT 6 PEOPLE WEARING BIDEN T-SHIRTS... 4 PEOPLE WEARING KAMALA HARRIS T-SHIRTS... 2 CAR DRIVERS WITH BERNIE SANDERS BUMPER STICKERS.. 9 TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR BUTT CRACK... AND 3 AMERICAN FLAG BURNERS SO, FOR THE LAST TIME THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE! AND NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH. 2 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
divemaster5734 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Smokey Mtn. Dinar Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share 3 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moose 57 Posted November 8, 2022 Report Share 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandsoftime Posted November 9, 2022 Report Share Ocasio-Cortez Appears On 'The Price Is Right,' Guesses Everything Is Free 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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moose 57 Posted November 9, 2022 Report Share 9 hours ago, nstoolman1 said: That's my brother from another Mother!!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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