Little Johnny is not an Obama fan!!!

[tampa1000]

Little Johnny is not an Obama fan

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.

Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."

The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

[Draco]

NICE!!!!

[carlablum]

Good one!!!! LOL

[dinarette]

Funny!! Reminds me of eating at a restaurant on vacation in DC last summer. The table full of CNN production staff at the next table kept glaring at our teenage son, and finally we realized the back of his t-shirt said in bold letters "Myers Park Young Republican Club." It only made him sit up taller, with a big grin on his face! :D

Edited November 15, 2010 by dinarette

[rjboots1]

I got one. Three boy scouts walking along the Potomac look ahead on the river bank just in time to see Obama fall in the river and go under. They run up the bank, jump in, and drag him out, saving his life.

He's laying on the bank, recovering, and he says, "Boys, you saved my life. I'm the President and I can make your dreams come true. What do you want to be when you grow up?" The first little boy thinks for a minute and says, "I want to be a general in the Army some day." Obama says, "You got it. When you grow up, you'll become a general in the Army". He's asks the next boy, "What do you want?" The boy says, "I want to be an Admiral in the Navy some day". Obama says, "I can make that happen". He turns to the third boy, and says, "And what can I do for you?"

The boy looks down and says, "I just want to be buried in Arlington cemetary". Obama says, "Wait a minute. I'm the President. I can make your dreams come true. What do you really want?". He says, "I just want to be buried in Arlington cemetary". Obama, stunned says, "Of all the things you could ask for, why would you ask for that?"

The boy responds, "Because when my daddy finds out I dragged your butt out of this river, he's gonna kill me!!!"

[ECSxFenrir]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a republican.

[LanaL]

Little Johnny is not an Obama fan

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.

Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."

The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

This is the second LMAO, LOL moment reading the posts tonight...the energy HAS SHIFTED! And it is all good!

[Kr3W]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a democrat.

there i fixed that for you. you had a little typo

[LanaL]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a republican.

Now, now...what would you think the fervor would be if the Repubs listed the Communist Party as a Sponsor on one of their rallys? But, the Dems hold their head high. I shake my head, it is OK for billy-clubs at polling places if it is the New Black Panthers, but if Repubs want to make sure Everyone gets to vote, then it is a scandal.

I was a Dem until Sep 11. I voted for O, but I vote straight Repub ticket, now...O is not the change I had hoped for. I couldn't be more embarrassed of our president, even the S. Koreans told him to stick it! Very, very bad.

there i fixed that for you. you had a little typo

Ok, my 3rd LOL moment tonight reading the posts!

[tampa1000]

I got one. Three boy scouts walking along the Potomac look ahead on the river bank just in time to see Obama fall in the river and go under. They run up the bank, jump in, and drag him out, saving his life.

He's laying on the bank, recovering, and he says, "Boys, you saved my life. I'm the President and I can make your dreams come true. What do you want to be when you grow up?" The first little boy thinks for a minute and says, "I want to be a general in the Army some day." Obama says, "You got it. When you grow up, you'll become a general in the Army". He's asks the next boy, "What do you want?" The boy says, "I want to be an Admiral in the Navy some day". Obama says, "I can make that happen". He turns to the third boy, and says, "And what can I do for you?"

The boy looks down and says, "I just want to be buried in Arlington cemetary". Obama says, "Wait a minute. I'm the President. I can make your dreams come true. What do you really want?". He says, "I just want to be buried in Arlington cemetary". Obama, stunned says, "Of all the things you could ask for, why would you ask for that?"

The boy responds, "Because when my daddy finds out I dragged your butt out of this river, he's gonna kill me!!!"

Good one! Thanks!!!

[JugDawg1]

there i fixed that for you. you had a little typo

I'm beginning to admire you greatly.

Tampa-RJ-Those were awesome thank you.

[Kr3W]

I'm beginning to admire you greatly.

Tampa-RJ-Those were awesome thank you.

haha well thank you very much.

[Triple xXx]

By Karen DeYoung

Washington Post Staff Writer

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Vice President Biden made numerous calls to senior Iraqi leaders over the past several months and U.S. officials directly participated in top-level negotiating sessions that lasted until just moments before the Iraqi parliament finally convened Thursday to approve a new power-sharing government, a senior Obama administration official said Friday.

Hoping to rebut criticism that it had lost influence in Iraq and was too passive over the eight months since the March elections there, or that its efforts were designed to keep Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki in power, the administration offered a detailed written account of previously unreported meetings, visits and calls that it said Biden and others had made.

Biden, Obama's point man on Iraq, telephoned Kurdish leader Massoud Barzani, a key figure in the negotiations, as often as several times a week, according to the administration timeline. Last week, the vice president was on the phone almost daily, with calls to Barzani, Maliki, Iraqi President Jalal Talibani and Ayad Allawi, the secular Shiite leader of the Sunni-dominated Iraqiya bloc that won a plurality of parliamentary seats.

The White House also kept in touch with leaders in Saudi Arabia, Jordan and Turkey, all of whom had a vested interest in the outcome. In recent weeks the Saudis, who had privately told the administration they would never support Maliki's continuance in office, said they would support whatever the Iraqis agreed to.

Under the deal announced Thursday, Maliki, a Shiite, remains as prime minister, with Talibani, a Kurd, retaining the presidency. Iraqiya holds the parliamentary speakership and Allawi is set to assume chairmanship of a newly formed policy council, empowered to set government direction on a wide range of issues.

The deal appeared to have died even before it got off the ground. Iraqiya lawmakers walked out of the new government's first parliamentary session, saying they did not trust Maliki and the others to keep the new agreements. On the street, Sunnis expressed deep conviction that Maliki had stolen the prime ministership from Allawi.

Early Friday, Biden called newly elected parliamentary speaker Osama al-Nujaifi, of Iraqiya, to urge that he reassure his own partisans. The vice president "made the point that the world wants, the United States wants, the region wants to see Iraqiya and the Sunni Arab community" participate fully in the government, the senior official said.

With the parliament due to reconvene Saturday, weary administration officials crossed their fingers and hoped for the best. "Obviously, none of these people like each other very much," the official said. "It could be a very unwieldy coalition for a long time."

Until early this month, Iraq's four primary voting blocs - Maliki's State of Law Party, a separate Shiite group, the Kurds and Iraqiya - were negotiating "in twosies," the official said, trying to amass a parliamentary majority that excluded the others. It took until recently, the official said, for everyone to realize "it didn't work."

Part of the administration's task, and the reason for Biden's frequent calls to Barzani, was to keep the Kurds from striking a deal with the others. "If he had joined forces with Maliki before there was a satisfactory arrangement for Iraqiya, the game would have been up," the official said.

U.S. diplomats attended most meetings. "Everybody wants us around to keep the other guy honest," the official said. The diplomats helped write position papers, offered bridging positions and shuttled information from one group to another.

The breakthrough came last Saturday, when Barzani convened a meeting and four-way horsetrading began. In written, but still unsigned, agreements, the Kurds were promised early movement on internal boundary disputes between them and Iraqi Arabs, and on long-stalled regulations to manage the oil industry.

Ideas for the new council, and resolution of antagonisms over Sunni access to government positions, were brokered. According to the administration official, agreement was reached to prevent partisans of radical Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, whose party won 40 parliamentary seats, from holding any military or security positions in the government.

Government ministries, still to be divided among the parties, were "monetized," with each given numerical points according to its importance. "If you got the presidency," the official said the Iraqis agreed, "you might get less in the cabinet. . . . They have an informal sense of the points in their heads. That's how they'll work it out."

Read more:

[Draco]

Kr3W I thought that there was something wrong with that post. Glad you fixed it!!!

[Kr3W]

Kr3W I thought that there was something wrong with that post. Glad you fixed it!!!

yes i think he forgot to use spellcheck or something on that one

[tampa1000]

I'm beginning to admire you greatly.

Tampa-RJ-Those were awesome thank you.

You're welcome!!!

[unclegeek]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a republican.

Kind of interesting that the same people who continually have the same old failed ideas call the ones who just ***KICKED YOUR ASS*** the mindless zealots.

[marcuscurtis]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a republican.

No... If you are a mindless zealot you would be an Obama fan! Didn't you read the Joke?

[Triple xXx]

Kind of interesting that the same people who continually have the same old failed ideas call the ones who just ***KICKED YOUR ASS*** the mindless zealots.

"KICKED YOUR ASS"......That is the funniest thing that I have ever heard. The Republicans may have taken back seats that were taken from an ass kicking 2 years ago that the Dems gave the Reps. BUT, the Dems still control the Senate! Let me repeat that, the Dems still controll the Senate. I would hardly call that an ass kicking!

The more people express hatred toward Obama, the more it means he will get re-elected! That's just how it works and you know that. Why waste your energies bashing Obama when you could be using the same energies to promote your party or candidate? That makes more sense to me. When you throw mud, you lose ground!

Shouldn't you be promoting and boasting about Sarah Palin right about now?

Edited November 15, 2010 by Triple xXx

[Qman]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a republican.

Check this out.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear 's grasp, then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?' 'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting. By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?

Last night I had a nightmare. A really bad one. It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrible one you could imagine. In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a *****, and I'm

circumcised! Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo -and it was that same color. Black. No, no, God no, it can't be! I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!! I said to myself, aloud "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.

"It's the pure and holy truth", whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my Boyfriend. Just what I needed!!!

I am a homosexual ***** and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Sonofabitch!!!! Oh, my God..... Black, Jewish, disabled, ***, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!! Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, noooooo... I'm Bald!!

The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, "Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap. Any job."

" Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan! I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, *** with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand!!! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood. At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, "Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for next November? Hillarious or Obama?"

Sonabitch! Say it isn't so!!! I can handle being a black disabled one armed drug addicted Jewish ***** on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please don't tell me I'm a Democrat!!!!

Division of the human family into 2 distinct political

groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as

members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and

would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in

winter.

The two most important events in all of history were

the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These

were the foundation of modern civilization and

together were the catalyst for the splitting of

humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and

Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that

was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass

bottle nor aluminium can were invented yet, so while

our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting

for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the

brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals

to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This

was the beginning of what is known as "the

Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting

learned to live off the conservatives by showing up

for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching

and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the

Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually

evolved into women. The rest became known as

'girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the

domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy

and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting

to decide how to divide the meat and beer that

conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by

the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the

elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),

but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.

They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.

Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal

fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of

their women have higher testosterone levels than their

men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,

journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group

therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the

designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to

make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat

and still provide for their women. Conservatives are

big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,

construction workers, medical doctors, police

officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes,

and generally anyone who works productively outside

government. Conservatives who own companies hire other

conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to

"govern" the producers and decide what to do with the

production. Liberals believe Europeans are more

enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the

liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were

coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West

was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE

for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. And now you

know the rest of the story!

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between

Democrats, Republicans And Southern Republicans?

The answer can be found by posing the following

question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife

and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist

with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes

with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises

the knife, and charges at you. You are

carrying a Glock cal .40 , and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your

family.

What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the

question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire

him to attack?

Could we run away?

& nbsp; What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock

the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind

of message does this send to society and to my

children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be

content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my

family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day

and make this happier, healthier street that would

discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with

some friends for few days and try to come to a

consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! click

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he

asked about his bill and the barber replies:"I'm sorry, I cannot accept

money from you; I'm doing community service this week"

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the

barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting

for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill

the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;

I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the

shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you

card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his

bill the barber again replies sorry, I'm sorry but I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card

and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and

"Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill

the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;

I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there

are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between

[Qman]

I'm A Democrat Because...

I'm a Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I'm a Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.

I'm a Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I'm a Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I'm a Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I'm a Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.

I'm a Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I'm a Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies, so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I'm a Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

I'm a Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.

I'm a Democrat because my head is so firmly planted in the sands of ignorance and unconcern, it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

"A Liberal is a person who will give away every thing that they don't own."

[usndiver]

I guess if I was a mindless zealot I would be a republican.

After the RV I'll send you a case of special Kool Aid!

[hfdmedic]

Qman, you are way off base here.......

They don't want the police to have guns either

Marriage, nah just live together and still get the benefits

prius? isn't that an ..... lasting more than 4 hours?

Sand is not where Obama, Pelosi, Reid and Bidon had their heads planted

"Republicans want to control your bedroom, Democrats want to control every other room in your house!"

[usndiver]

"KICKED YOUR ASS"......That is the funniest thing that I have ever heard. The Republicans may have taken back seats that were taken from an ass kicking 2 years ago that the Dems gave the Reps. BUT, the Dems still control the Senate! Let me repeat that, the Dems still controll the Senate. I would hardly call that an ass kicking!

The more people express hatred toward Obama, the more it means he will get re-elected! That's just how it works and you know that. Why waste your energies bashing Obama when you could be using the same energies to promote your party or candidate? That makes more sense to me. When you throw mud, you lose ground!

Shouldn't you be promoting and boasting about Sarah Palin right about now?

Go drink your Kool Aid!

Qman, you are way off base here.......

They don't want the police to have guns either

Marriage, nah just live together and still get the benefits

prius? isn't that an ..... lasting more than 4 hours?

Sand is not where Obama, Pelosi, Reid and Bidon had their heads planted

"Republicans want to control your bedroom, Democrats want to control every other room in your house!"

No, they, (Obama & company), are suffering from Cranial Rectal Inversion.

[Qman]