THE ECONOMY IS NOW GETTING SO BAD THAT...

[HeyJonesy]

The economy is now getting so bad that:

I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Wendy's, "Where's the beef?" is now, "where's the smaller portioned mixture of meat by-products".

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

Halmark's, "when you care enough to send the very best", is now, "when you care enough to send a text".

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

Mastercard is no longer "priceless" but rather, "it's gonna cost you".

They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street".

Finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck

[ThePeoplesChamp]

suicide hotline + truck

[reveldog]

+1 the truck line is hilarious

[RodandStaff]

" asked if I could drive a truck" ....sure, where ya wanna go?

[Mommyof3boys]

too funny

[Perspective2011]

Hotline response:

Oh, don't worry about the minor details. Just know that you will have a BLAST(phun intended!) at your destination!

" asked if I could drive a truck" ....sure, where ya wanna go?

[RodandStaff]

Hotline response:

Oh, don't worry about the minor details. Just know that you will have a BLAST(phun intended!) at your destination!

Oh goodie.... this is gonna be fun... just like the pink piggy underground! But wait.... we all know how that is gonna end for piggy, but if this has a similar ending, ummmm, I dunno??? How bout we "send in the clowns"... they won't suspect a thing then! Ohhhh Thug, we gotta a little gig for ya!!!!

Thug drives off into the sunset for the last time, he delivers one final "killer performance" and his epitaph on his tombstone reads.... "who knew"?

[desimo]

I swear the other day I saw a cockroach pull a switch blade on a mouse for its cheese!

[desimo]

The other day someone stole my identity and gave it back with a sympathy card attached!

My dreamcatcher has started charging me! (I guess nobody works for free anymore)

I sent in a credit card application and got a note back thanking me for the entertainment.

[RSTEFAN]

THANKS FOR THE LAUGH

KEEP UP THE GOOD JOKES

BOB

[tired_of_waiting]

Things are so rough around here that if I were growing cotten, I wouldn't be able to roll up a tampon for a piss ant

[bmg]

I hear you. Things are tough everywhere.

I've watched a good friends business go down hill in spite of his best efforts to turn things around. After several months of decline he said: "you know the economy is worse than divorce". Now he's been married for some years so that shocked me.

I asked him "well, how do you figure that"?

He said: "the way I look at it, I've lost half of my business and I still have my wife".

I shook my head and walked away. You can't argue with that no how.

[RodandStaff]

I swear the other day I saw a cockroach pull a switch blade on a mouse for its cheese!

Man you live in a rough neighborhood! In my neighborhood the rats send the mice in to "trip the trap" for entertainment, then they go in for the bait!

Seriously though, the other night our cat brought a "present" in through the pet door... a live adolescent rat, I knew it happened even though I was outside in the yard... how you may ask? I heard my 6'3" son screaming at the top of his lungs! I didn't get any help from the cat either, she was just "showing off"... like, "hey, I did my work... see! Yeah, right! I had to get a fish net to get it out of the house. The good part is our second cat was outside... and he went right after the rat.... it's fate was sealed! This was a true story, and sorry PETA... one small rat was harmed in the making of this story!

[HeyJonesy]

I heard my 6'3" son screaming at the top of his lungs! I didn't get any help from the cat either, she was just "showing off"...

Seriously.. Thanks for the great morning LOL while having my coffee..