GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE:

[moose 57]

 

GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE:

Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please leave

your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp...

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from

1 to 6 in order of "birth date" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to

your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, press 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner or take us to the theatre ,

start talking... we are listening!!!"

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT ?

(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own.

They like other peoples.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they

drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty

leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also

why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart .

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How

come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for

the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't

have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend

time with us.

They know we should have a snack before bed time, and they say prayers

with us and kiss us even when we've acted badly.

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I

DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

 

 

h.a.n.d.

[10 YEARS LATER]

We've got 9 Grandkids - they're a hoot !

 

My youngest daughter, 30, has 2 very sharp little girls of here own, 6 & 3.

 

As she poured a glass of wine, she joked..."now you know why I drink"

 

"NOW you know why I DRANK" I replied. " Grandkids are a Grandparents revenge"  -   

[George Hayduke]

I came home the other evening and was greeted by two of my grandsons (6&9)  My wife (with a twinkle in her eye) told me we have two special guests spending the night with us.  I said, "Oh good.  Lets call up a bunch of girls and have them come over too."  

 

Both boys raised their voices in protest, "No way! No girls!"

 

"No girls?" I asked.

 

"No, we don't want any girls here.  This is boys night"

 

"What about Grandma, does she have to leave?" I asked with a solemn voice.

 

They both looked at each other and considered the dilemma.  Then the 9 year old said (with his newly discovered negotiating skills) "No, she can stay.  She makes cookies!"