Survivor-Iraq Style

[Austin-Powers-for-PM]

When we last left “Survivor-Iraq Style” the players had just completed an immunity challenge where they had to show who could butter up a Kuwaiti Prince the best. Maliki was the first to drop out of the challenge when he didn’t even try, and eventually Talabani won immunity. Maliki was devastated as he had won the past 5 immunity challenges and was concerned he might be voted off the island. Sure enough after the players arrived back at camp, 5 of the players, Allawi, Nujafi, Barzani, Talabani, and Sadr met behind the “Erbil Tree” just outside of camp to put together an alliance to vote off Maliki. As we return to the show the players have arrived at Tribal Council and the host of the Show, Dr. Shabibi prepares to speak:

Shabibi: Let’s bring in the current members of the jury, al-Hashemi, and the last one voted off, Mutlag. (they glare menacingly at Maliki who got the others to vote them off)

Shabibi: Welcome to Tribal Council everybody, Well that was an interesting Immunity Challenge and quite difficult for most of you. Talabani, you won that challenge with ease. How did you learn to kiss butt so well.

Talabani: Well after years and years of learning to brown nose the best in the world such as Bush Sr., Bush Jr, Blair, Ahmadinejad, and every ruler in the Middle East for 40 plus years, it just becomes 2nd nature.

Shabibi: It also helps that you look like a Muslim version of Santa Clause and probably have more friends than an Irishman in a Pub who just bought the 5th round of drinks for everybody.

Talabani: Why thank you Shabs. That’s why I have the fattest Rolodex in the world. (Other players just roll their eyes)

Shabibi: Maliki, boy you blew that immunity challenge today. Are you feeling threatened?

Maliki: I wouldn’t be so threatened if you hadn’t stopped me from getting at all that money in your bank.

Shabibi: Wow, what a reaction that was. Sadr, what do you think Maliki’s problem is?

Sadr: Maliki is a lying snake who has never told me the truth this entire game. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get him off the tribe.

Shabibi: Let’s talk about you for a minute. You are a perpetually angry human being with, really, no redeeming qualities. And what is with the black clothes routine. You look like a fat, bearded version of Johnny Cash without the singing talent. The only thing you are gifted with is a nasty disposition and wacked out followers in slimy slums in big cities. Why should anybody give you the million dollars?

Sadr: Shabs, you know I’ll never win this game. Thanks to my need for black clothing I’m perpetually sweating like Shaquille O’Neill at the free throw line with the NBA championship on the line. Makes me angry all the time. I just want to make sure that scum Maliki never sees the million dollars.

Shabibi: Jaffari, you’ve slid under the radar this entire game, and yet here you are. You might just be the swing vote everybody craves, yet your sort of like Shy Ronnie from Saturday Night Live, just mumbling your way through this game. What do you have to say for yourself?

Jaffari: Well, aaaa, (mumble, mumble, mumble)

Maliki: It’s just an act, I know he’s after me!!!

Barzani: Oh shut up Maliki, you are such a slug, all you do around camp is lie around and steal all the food. I know you probably have it stashed somewhere.

Shabibi: Barzani, that’s an interesting point you bring up there, but don’t you think that’s the pot calling the kettle black? I mean really, you look like a wanna be Yasser Arafat with that stupid towel on your head one minute, and the next minute your dressed to the nine’s wanting favors from powerful people. Nobody knows if you can be trusted, so which is it?

Barzani: Well it doesn’t really matter what anybody else thinks, just as long as we can get rid of that slime ball Maliki.

Shabibi: Allawai, you stand to gain the most from Maliki being voted off the tribe, but your other teammates see you as a big blow hard crybaby who pouts about never getting your way in this game. Is that going to be a problem when the jury votes for the ultimate winner?

Allawi: Well it’s just not fair, Maliki stole my favorite blankie and my stuffed bear the first day in camp. IT’S NOT FAIR……..WAAAAAAA.

All Players in unison: SHUT UP ALLAWI!!

Shabibi: Maliki, any final words to defend yourself before we vote?

Maliki: Watch out, I just may have the hidden immunity idol (Other players just shake their heads)

Shabibi: With that, we will vote

The players vote and come back to Tribal Council

Shabibi: If anybody has the hidden immunity idol, now is the time reveal that:

Maliki pulls out what looks like a hidden immunity idol and brings it up to Shabibi

Shabibi: Maliki has produced a hidden immunity idol, but it’s not the real thing. As everybody can tell this idol clearly says “MADE IN IRAN” which makes it invalid. (Maliki, please return to your place (other players snicker while Maliki dejectedly walks back to his seat)

Shabibi: I’ll read the votes. First vote, “Maliki,” second vote “Talabani.” Since Talabani has immunity, that doesn’t count. Nice try Maliki. Third vote “Maliki,” forth vote, “Maliki.” The third person voted off the tribe, “Maiki.” Please bring me your torch. (Maliki gets up and brings his torch) Maliki, the tribe has spoken.

Maliki: Every one of you will pay for what you’ve done today (other players make rude jesters as Maliki walks down the path leading away from tribal council)

Shabibi: Well this game has sure taken a very interesting turn, but I have a surprise for all of you. You all probably think you are going back to camp right:

Talabani: Ahh, yes, isn’t that the routine after Tribal Council?

Shabibi: Not this time, you see, the game is over.

Nujafi: What do you mean by that?

Shabibi: You see, your not really on a deserted tropical island anymore, you’re on a sound stage here in Baghdad, and the game is over. You are all now millionaires (Shabibi pulls out a big red button with the letters “RV” on it and pushes it. Millions of Dinars drop from the ceiling, an audience magically appears, and everybody jumps up and down with joy.)

The show credits roll across the screen with Names such as Lagarude, Cheney, Bush, and a bunch of Chinese names nobody knows, all the while the camera shows the audience running around scooping an unlimited supply of Dinars off the studio floor.

THE END

[tandy]

AP...you had a slow day no doubt.lol..good post +1 ..I liked the ending...bring it on!!! May we all survive

[daniel c]

lol i hope it is true

maliki is THE obstacle unless the next one after him is Sadr another Iranian puppet