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90% of Single Woman want to pursue men already in committed relationships


Tiffany23
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Sorry Smee2....I usually agree with your posts 100% but in this case I just can't. The statement about how both of the men you were the other woman for tried to make their marriage work....really? How? Did they seek counseling? Did they have a clear sit down and talk with their wives?

In the case of the husband with the wife with alzheimers....sure men have needs. So do women..but part of being in a marriage is adjusting those needs to your spouse. I have a great friend who was married 50 years. His wife died from Alzheimers 2 years ago. He spent the last 3 years of her life barely leaving her side and when he needed to go out he would have a nurse come on to take care of her. He is financially able to have put her in a nursing home and visited when he could. But love and commitment kept him faithful until death do us part.

As far as the other guy...I am sorry...if he was unhappy in his marriage...just leave. I know easier said than done but life is to short and if you have tried everything to make your marriage work then leave it and find happiness. In my opinion, he was weak.

It's easier to blame the wife.

My marriage was not perfect. My ex spent a LOT of time and money in the bar. He would get off work and "network" at the bar. He is a salesman. Spent about a 1/3 of our take home pay in the bar. We were married 10 years. I would get off work, pick up our son from daycare, get home and feed the horses and the cattle. Make dinner, feed myself and my son, get my son ready for bed and we would be in bed for hours before he would be done networking at the bar and come home. We had MANY discussions about this. He would agree that his drinking was getting out of control and he would stop....but never did. He would give me a "present" for my birthday or whatever and tell me that he was going to stop drinking...and be drunk by nightfall.

But....the people at the bar thought I was a witch. As he intended that they would. The bar owner would call me and ask me if it was okay for him to bring my ex home...would I allow my ex in the house? In all the years I was married...not one time did I ever lock the door to keep him out. Not once did I tell him not to come home. Not once did I *itch at him.

But in all the years I was married I can hardly remember how many people would comment about how they had no idea he was married until they met me.

My self confidence took a big beating being married to him. I am a nice person. People like me. I like people.

My ex was messing around and still every day he would tell me he loved me. That he couldn't imagine life without me. That he was so grateful that I had come into his life. Up until the very day he told me that he had been seeing this other woman.

And what did he tell the woman who "poached" him? That I was a *itch. That I wouldn't allow him to do anything. That I was the one messing around. Really...I was the one getting his horse ready so he could just load him in the trailer and drive 50 miles (to where she lived) and practice his team roping. Since our son was only 3, I only went with him every once in awhile...and he went 2 times a week.

Sure...I agree...sometimes it is the wives who won't try to make things better for their husbands...but then stand up for yourself and do something. If the wife doesn't want to try counseling or some other marriage saving technique...then separate. Don't cheat. In that case...really no one is a winner.

I do understand why women do become the "other woman". It is easier than dealing with a real relationship and all the struggles. But even when I was single after I was divorced...not ONE time did I go out with someone who was even casually dating someone. There are plenty of nice single men. If I was dating someone and I didn't like where it was going I broke it off. I had a few 2 or 3 month relationships.

Sorry.....didn't mean to get on my high horse....but this has been one of those topics that I have been passionate about even before I was married the first time. :P

Yes, I quite agree with your method of thinking. I've done my fair share of dating and can honestly say (though I've found this or that girl attractive), I've never cheated on my girlfriend. I guess I have a simple standard, but if you love someone, then don't cheat. As for marriage, it's a very basic and simple question folks, but-->"Why be married if you aren't going to commit?" People tend to rationalize things and make excuses, but why take a vow and sign the paper if you aren't willing to dedicate your life to that person. Ya, I can hear it now from the crowd out there--That's "old fashioned, Jon". Better to be old fashioned and faithful to 1 person than live like a baboon and make it with anyone you fancy. Such is the standard of 12 yr. olds, not adults. Individuals that always need a thrill or frill to feel alive. It's funny how people believe in contractual arrangements at times, but with dating or marriage, it's a mixed up mess of twisted standards. Bottom line: Be truthful. If you want to be monogamous, then so be it, if you want to be polygamous and hook-up with whoever and whenever, then go for it, but spell it out and stick to it. ;)

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Women And Mate Poaching

Published on January 10, 2012 by John R. Buri, Ph.D. in Love Bytes

Are you currently in love?

Let me ask you --- how interested would an unattached female be in poaching your current love interest?

Or putting the shoe on the other foot, if you are not currently in a relationship, how interested would you be in poaching another woman's boyfriend?

It turns out that single women are particularly interested in men who are already in a committed relationship --- they seem to have a distinct preference for mate poaching (much more so than single men).

When presented bio information along with a photo of a relatively attractive man, fewer than 60% of the women surveyed were interested in pursuing this man if he was NOT currently attached.

But if this man was already in a committed romantic relationship, 90% of the single women expressed a strong desire to pursue him.

90%! :o

[bTW: There was not a similar preference among men for attached women over unattached ones.]

Women --- hang onto your man. There is a good chance that someone is out there waiting for an opportunity to snag him.

When asked why they were particularly attracted to attached men, single women responded:

- "Revenge - what goes around comes around"

- "To see if I can - I love a good challenge"

- "It's exciting - you're in the hunt"

- "Because I can - and once I do, it's an ego boost"

- "Because he's already been tested - he's pre-approved"

Real sweethearts, huh?

Remember - 90%! :blink:

Don't you just want to yell: "Go find your own relationship."

Bottom line: research has revealed that poachers rate low in reliability, low in good-heartedness, and low in relationship fidelity.

So if you are looking for a temporary burst of excitement that might also stroke your ego, go ahead - screw over some unsuspecting woman who is already in a relationship. After all, isn't that what she deserves if she is that naïve?

But if you are looking for a stable, healthy, long-term love relationship, be forewarned --- if you poached your man to begin with, guess what - if you were able to poach him, then there is a good chance that he is poachable again.

References:

"Who's Chasing Whom?" by Jessica Parker and Melissa Burkley (Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2009, 45, pp. 1016-1019).

"Sex Differences in Perceptions of Benefits and Costs of Mate Poaching" by Alastair Davies, Todd Shackelford, & Glen Hass (Personality and Individual Differences, 2010, 49, pp. 441-445).

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-bytes/201201/women-and-mate-poaching

Here we go again Tiff. Your statistics are in fact not accurate. I question why you created this thread. As I last recall you were complaining that your a lesbian that was not able to step out of the closet, as I suggested.

I'm sort of thinking that you need to find another venue to vent your issues.

Go RI/RV!

Ski

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Sorry Smee2....I usually agree with your posts 100% but in this case I just can't. The statement about how both of the men you were the other woman for tried to make their marriage work....really? How? Did they seek counseling? Did they have a clear sit down and talk with their wives?

In the case of the husband with the wife with alzheimers....sure men have needs. So do women..but part of being in a marriage is adjusting those needs to your spouse. I have a great friend who was married 50 years. His wife died from Alzheimers 2 years ago. He spent the last 3 years of her life barely leaving her side and when he needed to go out he would have a nurse come on to take care of her. He is financially able to have put her in a nursing home and visited when he could. But love and commitment kept him faithful until death do us part.

As far as the other guy...I am sorry...if he was unhappy in his marriage...just leave. I know easier said than done but life is to short and if you have tried everything to make your marriage work then leave it and find happiness. In my opinion, he was weak.

It's easier to blame the wife.

My marriage was not perfect. My ex spent a LOT of time and money in the bar. He would get off work and "network" at the bar. He is a salesman. Spent about a 1/3 of our take home pay in the bar. We were married 10 years. I would get off work, pick up our son from daycare, get home and feed the horses and the cattle. Make dinner, feed myself and my son, get my son ready for bed and we would be in bed for hours before he would be done networking at the bar and come home. We had MANY discussions about this. He would agree that his drinking was getting out of control and he would stop....but never did. He would give me a "present" for my birthday or whatever and tell me that he was going to stop drinking...and be drunk by nightfall.

But....the people at the bar thought I was a witch. As he intended that they would. The bar owner would call me and ask me if it was okay for him to bring my ex home...would I allow my ex in the house? In all the years I was married...not one time did I ever lock the door to keep him out. Not once did I tell him not to come home. Not once did I *itch at him.

But in all the years I was married I can hardly remember how many people would comment about how they had no idea he was married until they met me.

My self confidence took a big beating being married to him. I am a nice person. People like me. I like people.

My ex was messing around and still every day he would tell me he loved me. That he couldn't imagine life without me. That he was so grateful that I had come into his life. Up until the very day he told me that he had been seeing this other woman.

And what did he tell the woman who "poached" him? That I was a *itch. That I wouldn't allow him to do anything. That I was the one messing around. Really...I was the one getting his horse ready so he could just load him in the trailer and drive 50 miles (to where she lived) and practice his team roping. Since our son was only 3, I only went with him every once in awhile...and he went 2 times a week.

Sure...I agree...sometimes it is the wives who won't try to make things better for their husbands...but then stand up for yourself and do something. If the wife doesn't want to try counseling or some other marriage saving technique...then separate. Don't cheat. In that case...really no one is a winner.

I do understand why women do become the "other woman". It is easier than dealing with a real relationship and all the struggles. But even when I was single after I was divorced...not ONE time did I go out with someone who was even casually dating someone. There are plenty of nice single men. If I was dating someone and I didn't like where it was going I broke it off. I had a few 2 or 3 month relationships.

Sorry.....didn't mean to get on my high horse....but this has been one of those topics that I have been passionate about even before I was married the first time. :P

Don't be sorry. Never apologize for what you believe. Easy to say and I find myself doing the apologizing too. Well, so much for that.

You have a set of values that is very moral and is part of the majority of surface thinking. You are not alone in what you feel. And I know a lot of people will change their opinions of me now. You had a marriage that was not good, You raised at least one child you mentioned, during that time. You took a lot of emotional beating up and must have wanted to scream the walls down just to get some of the frustration out.

Well, I had a bad marriage, and a good marriage, and in between played the other woman. Before I was part of what you consider not a real relationship, I felt as you did. And when my first very short marriage fell apart I felt totally betrayed. Marriage wasn't supposed to be like that. I was young, and idealistic, and had moral values that didn't even include divorce being raised Catholic. Three months into my five and a half month marriage I got pregnant. I didn't know it until I had been gone from the house several months. I had to take him to court for support when the babies (twins) were born. He knocked my against the table at which we were all sitting, nothing like a courtroom. I got home that day and passed out and was found the next day on the floor. Too far from a hospital the local doctors, only two in the little village where I lived at that time, they tried to do the delivery and make everything work. But it was too early. Both babies lived only a short time, but I got to hold them, and they died one after the other in my arms. I think there is a lot that came out of that experience for me.

Anyway when I resumed life I decided dating was okay and then you know what went on. I found my second husband on the phone actually, me being an answering service operator and he being one of my customers. We talked for a year. We did not even meet for that year but eventually we did. We had, as I say, 34 years in the best marriage I think I have ever seen. Wasn't perfect, and we didn't strive for perfection. We tried for happy and loving and supportive ... the good things.

Looking back, evaluating everything, I would not change what I have done. Yes, the men I was with had tried hard to make the marriage work. I know a lot of times it is a joint problem and sometimes just one person who won't change or realize marriage is a contract in which you try to compromise enough to make sure each is in a loving and secure relationship. But there are an awful lot of people out there who just cannot do that. They don't think that way. I could go into it forever but won't

I don't mind that you cannot agree with me on this matter. It was part of my life, as screwed up as it may have been but it was an honest and acknowledged part of me. I cannot change that and wouldn't want to. So I cannot apologize for it.

What I can do is tell you that marriage is not for everyone. From the first days of man there have been those who fill the role of wife, of mother, of husband, of father, of protector, of provider, of homemaker, of ... all of the things we humans are to each other, and to ourselves.

I can accept your ideals of honor and love and what marriage means. It doesn't mean I have to agree with them. But I do agree with a lot of it, just have my own experiences that have taught me slightly different values. That's all good. If we were all identical, in looks, thoughts, deeds ... we would be so boring it would be ... well ... boring!

Thanks for your comment. And I hope you find the next part of your life to be happier than the past.

:)

smee2

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Me too caz,

24 years with the best thing that ever happened to me, but we have a little joke about it and she says "I don't care where you get your appetite from as long as you come home to eat" ;)

so, I live by the adage that home is where the heart (and stomach) is, and hadn't missed a meal yet :D

That's Love.... And... from my very little experience... Women are a LOT more determined in gettng the man they want than men are in getting the woman they want....

Edited by umbertino
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"institution of marriage has been severely screwed by society" I agree.

We've allow Satan to come into our Marriage bed.

The deep love that we have for God should be the best example of love we should have for our spouses.

God gave us the gift of desire... to be shared with one. My desires belong to my spouse alone and his desires are mine alone.

When we don't believe that God really wants to grant us the desires of our hearts, we in turn deny His gifts...and grasp at what we desire for ourselves.

We are a life-giving "gift" to one another. Married 35 years.

"institution of marriage has been severely screwed by society" I agree.

We've allow Satan to come into our Marriage bed.

The deep love that we have for God should be the best example of love we should have for our spouses.

God gave us the gift of desire... to be shared with one. My desires belong to my spouse alone and his desires are mine alone.

When we don't believe that God really wants to grant us the desires of our hearts, we in turn deny His gifts...and grasp at what we desire for ourselves.

We are a life-giving "gift" to one another. Married 35 years.

I agree. That's why it's hard for marriages to last. People have no fear of God nor honor his commandments. I've been married for 30 years.biggrin.gif

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Mak, I like how you stated that, something to think about, and I do believe you hit the nail on the head ( the one above your neck!) tongue.gif

Need to be careful what we're "hittin'" around here ladies.......... Dem's personalohmy.gifohmy.gifohmy.gif

Mak63

Silly Women need to grow up....have no morals. Probably why they don't have anyone and can't keep anyone.dry.gif

Have to +1 one ya there girlwink.gif

Mak63

Edited by Markinsa
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Smee2, what you have passed on through your post, is very important to the other women that have been in a similar situation.

Your words can very much make a difference/impact in someone's life. That's how I see it in all post... making some sort of impact.

I love your writings your very descriptive with your words. I wish I was. I'm just simple with my writings.

When you tell your story, I feel the sincerity of your heart.

No my opinion of you will not change. I enjoy what you bring. :D :D

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Here we go again Tiff. Your statistics are in fact not accurate. I question why you created this thread. As I last recall you were complaining that your a lesbian that was not able to step out of the closet, as I suggested.

I'm sort of thinking that you need to find another venue to vent your issues.

Go RI/RV!

Ski

Sweetie...I have 1600% more interest in my profile than you (over 50K)...when you have have something of interest that borders on intelligence, you come back and post something....until then pls keep your neanderthal knuckle dragging, lop ear, opinions to yourself and we all will be better off for it luv.

Or as my British ancestry would say...****. smile.gif

Edited by Markinsa
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my soulmate once told me if I decided to drift...just go for it...my reply was expected and due to safety measures...it was delivered...I told her being the beautiful, intelligent lady of class that she was...she knew quite well that I was a gentleman that recognized value in precious things and I was never going to settle for second best....my hide was safe for the moment!!! :)

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Sweetie...I have 1600% more interest in my profile than you (over 50K)...when you have have something of interest that borders on intelligence, you come back and post something....until then pls keep your neanderthal knuckle dragging, lop ear, opinions to yourself and we all will be better off for it luv.

Or as my British ancestry would say...****. smile.gif

OMG ... Tiff you are the greatest. I needed a laugh and you just gave me a great one. You go girl !!!!!

:)

smee2

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my soulmate once told me if I decided to drift...just go for it...my reply was expected and due to safety measures...it was delivered...I told her being the beautiful, intelligent lady of class that she was...she knew quite well that I was a gentleman that recognized value in precious things and I was never going to settle for second best....my hide was safe for the moment!!! smile.gif

smile.gif You silver tongue deviltongue.gif

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This is a very interesting article Professor Tiff. Thanks for the info.

my soulmate once told me if I decided to drift...just go for it...my reply was expected and due to safety measures...it was delivered...I told her being the beautiful, intelligent lady of class that she was...she knew quite well that I was a gentleman that recognized value in precious things and I was never going to settle for second best....my hide was safe for the moment!!! :)

Very good!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sweetie...I have 1600% more interest in my profile than you (over 50K)...when you have have something of interest that borders on intelligence, you come back and post something....until then pls keep your neanderthal knuckle dragging, lop ear, opinions to yourself and we all will be better off for it luv.

Or as my British ancestry would say...****. smile.gif

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Too much1 that was great.

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Some of this is actually for the same reason some guys target taken women. They know they can get in have some fun, then use the "I'm breaking this off because you are already in a relationship and I don't want to ruin that" line. Thus they know from the beginning there are no commitment issues on their part. I for one respect marriage and relationships, if a woman cheats to be with me that tells me she is a cheater and my time will be coming too. Worrying about someone being unfaithful will not prevent it and if you have to worry then the relationship is not headed in the right direction to start with. In the words of Larry the cable guy "Guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early from work kill people" :P

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