What is your biggest regret in your life?

[Tiffany23]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-narcissus-in-all-us/201009/the-biggest-regret-your-life

Imagine you have a dream tonight in which you time travel into the future, to a point near the end of your life. In this future, you meet the older version of yourself, and soon find yourself asking this question: "So...If you could live your life all over again, what's the one thing you would do differently?"

Your older self considers this and looks off in the distance, thinking. Then, just as you're about to get your response, you wake up from the dream.

How do you think your future self would (will) answer this question? Could you benefit from knowing what your biggest regret might be?

In real life, the closest we can get to this kind of information is by asking someone else about their regrets—we love hearing revelations like these. Better yet, what if you could ask hundreds of people about their biggest life regret, to see which ones get mentioned most.

Some psychologists addressed this issue a few years ago by reviewing a number of earlier studies which all asked people to describe their biggest life regret. To simplify people's responses, each regret was categorized into one of the following domains: Career, Community, Education, Family, Friends, Finances, Health, Leisure, Parenting, Romance, Self, or Spirituality.

Starting with the most common domain, here's what they found:

1. Education. These regrets came in one of two forms. People regretted either: a) not getting enough education, or not applying themselves more in school. Many confessed that they didn't take school seriously enough, spending their time with friends who also didn't study much.

At first glance, it's surprising that regrets about education were more common than regrets about relationships, family, or health. But when you think about it, education improves a person's prospects in all these domains. More education generally means more money, and marriages tend to be stronger and family life more stable when people aren't burdened by financial worries. And in terms of physical health, many studies have shown that a person's education level is one of the best predictors of how long they'll live, even more important than income or type of occupation. So when people reflect on their life, many recognize that more education would have provided greater stability and more opportunities.

2. Career. As the second most common domain, people regretted that they didn't pursue the career they really loved. Instead, they chose a career path that was more practical, or one that would pay better. They knew early on what kind of work they felt passionate about, but it just seemed too risky to pursue.

3. Romance. These regrets took a variety of forms, such as marrying the "wrong" person, not putting more effort into their marriage, doing something to hurt their partner, or letting someone special slip away.

4. Parenting. One of two kinds here: For the first, some parents wished they had spent more time with their children while the children were young. These parents felt they had put too much time and energy into other pursuits, like work.

A second, very different kind of regret was that parents wished they'd postponed having their first child for just a few years longer—they regretted having children too early. This regret was more common among women, who have a shorter window of time in which to have children, and are more likely than men to make tradeoffs between having children vs. investing time in their education, career, and leisure activities. Many wished they had put off starting a family in order to build their career or get more life experiences.

Most of the life regrets fell into one of these four domains. Taken together, they do more than tell us what people consider their biggest mistakes; they also reveal what people come to value most in the long run.

But simply reading about these regrets doesn't guarantee that we'll avoid similar mistakes ourselves, when you consider that big mistakes don't usually result from conscious, one-time decisions (like choosing which school to go to, or whether to get divorced or not). Regrets that loom larger often grow out of a series of behaviors (or lack of behaviors) over a long period of time. For example, continually neglecting to call the brother you're holding a grudge against; or the hundreds of times you could have spent with your children but didn't; or the thousands of times you put off schoolwork to do something else.

Only later do we learn that lost opportunities have a way of sneaking up on us before we realize they're lost, before we realize the opportunities really meant something to us.

Every so often, then, it pays to slow down and re-assess what you're actually doing, to question whether your behavior isn't part of a larger pattern you'll someday regret. Do I really want to be the kind of father who misses his daughter's birthdays? How come I always start pushing someone away as soon as our relationship gets serious? How will I feel about myself if I spend the next 20 years in this dead-end job?

It's so easy to get wrapped up in comfortable rhythms of our routines that sometimes we need to confront unsettling questions like these, just to remind ourselves of the bigger picture.

Life moves pretty fast...If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Tiffy here, my biggest regret was in the love department...I let one get away because I tried the jealousy tatic and instead that person ended not trusting me anymore and moved away. I learned then and there too never play games with the people I love.

[jon29]

Tiffany girl, you be thinkin too much. Relax and have a beer.

Regrets? Who has time for it. Ah, lets face it, we're all imperfect and life is structured to be so. It's a continent of fault lines, impending volcano's and tranquil sunsets. I suppose I have regrets, but children have the best answer, live for the moment with no care for yesterdays and no overwhelming stressful tomorrows. We should be like them, quick to act, quick to forget, quick to move, the fluiditiy of the moment. Kids are right. Dogs too. Leaping over lawn furniture with no thought of the other side, the earth? a swimming pool? A 9' pit to jump out of? Doesn't matter. No regrets.

It's bluesy Monday, but we'll get through it. I'm in a hurry and have to go to work now...God how I regret having this job.

Peace out!

[DinarDana]

Tiffany, I read this post when you first posted it and I thought OMG I could never put my biggest regret in writing. I really like your post. I have few regrets....two biggies....

I am posting my second biggest regret.

I wish I thought I was worthy of being wealthy sooner in life. I wasted lots of money on dunkin donuts coffee.

[Nadita]

Tiffany,

When I read your post, it took me a few moments back to think what regrets that I have. I know I have several regrets that if I were able to turn back the time, I would make it right. Regret only comes later and not early...that's why it's called regret, because when the opportunity was in front of us, we couldn't recognize it or we didn't want to face the reality and usually fear is involved in regret. We are afraid if we make the right decision, talking ourselves that there is another opportunity. Regret is only looking at the past, but if we were to live our life to the fullest, we should look at regret as an experience and lessons that we do not want to repeat it again. With age and life experience, I learn that sometimes I have to take the risk so there is no regret... I can't keep calculating everything otherwise I will lose an opportunity.

The future is in the front windshield, and we can't keep looking at the rear view mirror. Live for today as it will never be any tomorrows, smile, laugh your heart out, love much and pray much....take the risk... experience life and love again and dream again.

Edited July 12, 2011 by Nadita

[The Machine]

Regrets .... I dont have any ....... Life goes forwards not backwards .... you cant regret what hasnt happened yet

I would rather look back on my life when im near the end and regret everything I've ever done rather regretting not having done it at all.

you can quote me on that one !!

and here is something that was said to me a long time ago by someone who died shortly after ..... “A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams” ..... I will never get old !! not in my mind anyway.

Edited July 12, 2011 by The Machine

[smee2]

Wow, what a question ...

Surprisingly, when I started considering it, I found I was thinking of the better things in my life and how I would have not messed them up, or shortened them.

Then I realized I was not thinking at all of the horrible things, the great mistake, the wrong I did to someone else, the life I lived being a goody-two-shoes that caused my family to view me as far too lovey-dovey simple minded to be for real and left me abandonned now, no family, no one.

So, which would I regret most? Would I regret what I did do that was not so good and try to change some of that? Or would I regret not doing what I could have done to increase the joy I did have in my life?

I suspect that no matter which choice I would still be miserable at some point over certain decisions. I am not sure we can eliminate them. I do believe, however that we can mitigate the bad with more good.

So, I think I would opt for regretting not doing more to increase the positive things in my life. Ignoring the bad stuff, I would have, and should have, concentrated more on the one person I found to love, who loved me completely in return. I did not know I would lose him so soon. I should have cherished him more while he was still here.

That's my answer, and I'm stickin' to it !!!

smee2

[suntiger]

EVERY DAY for the REST OF MY LIFE, I will forever regret not trying to talk my x girlfriend out of an abortion!!! The day she found out she was prego, she was very upset that it would affect her body for future acting/modeling career. That day is forever burned in my memory! It was her choice, but I wish I had not been so easy to go along with it!

[tommyboy]

"Regrets? I've had a few,

But then again, too few to mention.

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption" Lyrics from Frank Sinatra's "My way".

I kind of regret the fact I didn't get my bachelor's degree till I was in my 40's. Just had to work (great career), support family etcetera till then and when I got divorced, I had more time to complete my BS degree. Since I had been taking college courses a few at a time, it only took another year of absolute dedication to complete.

"Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,

When I bit off more than I could chew,

But through it all, when there was doubt,

I ate it up and spit it out.

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way

And now, the end is near,

And so I face the final curtain.

My friends, I'll say it clear;

I'll state my case of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full -

I've travelled each and every highway.

And more, much more than this,

I did it my way"

Kind of says it all.

Edited July 12, 2011 by tommyboy

[Banjolatusak]

I regret not taking the US Army's offer to send me to OCS. That was 34 years ago. I'd be retired about now and starting a whole new career as a security consultant, providing I survived Granada, Panama, The Balkins, Iraq 1, Afghanistan, and Iraq 2.

[Sage449]

Regrets and mistakes good or bad are what make you who you are today - why change a thing?

[Jimmyreno]

I don't care what anyone says. I Love Beer!!! And no I don't have a drinking problem, it works everytime!!

JR

[jon29]

Jimmyreno Beer and Tequila shots all around! Cheer up folks, RV's almost here!! um....'maybe'.

GO RV!