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Tiffany23

Which one is your favorite joke?

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Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.

Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.

So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.' The woman did as she was told. 'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'

Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did.

Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary diease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'

Worried, the woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?'

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your a$$.' :P

_______________________________________________________________

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured

by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...

"In honor of the Harvest Festival,

YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request ???'

The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought

before the Lone Ranger who whispers in

Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with

a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches,

the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent

and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits

he's impressed..

"You have a very fine and loyal horse",

"But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request ???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak

to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears

over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,

Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief

is again impressed.

"You are indeed a man of many talents,"

"But I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request ???"

The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees,

and Silver is brought to

the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone,

the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,

Looks him square in the eye and says,

Listen Very Carefully !!!!

FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID ...

"BRING POSSE" :P

______________________________________________________________

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Liked them both, but I agree got to go with the "Posse" :D That is what I needed to get through the afternoon...THANKS!!

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Tiff,I loved no#1. second one reminds of the P eatin frog joke but still good............................................GO RV 2011 BABY!!!!!

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Tiff,I loved no#1. second one reminds of the P eatin frog joke but still good............................................GO RV 2011 BABY!!!!!

"P eatin frog joke" Now I'm curious...Do tell!

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"P eatin frog joke" Now I'm curious...Do tell!

Kandi,I don't know if it'll go through but here goes. Lady walks into a bar,proceeds to sit down. She notices a frog sitting in one of the bar stools. Lady looks disgusted,man sitting in next chair looks at her says whats wrong? She asks whats a frog there for? Man says that a special frog. Special frog? asks the lady. Yep says man,he has a special talent. Oh yeah says lady,what is the special talent? Man say's his frog is P eatin frog. Lady at first gasps with shock but shortly calms down and sits in the chair next to the frog. Lady says later after a drink or two, a p eatin frog eh? man says yep. He says I'll show ya, sit on the frog and he'll eat ur P. Lady gets up and starts to sit down,man says wait, and bends down and tells frog "frog eat her P". Lady sits down on frog and after a moment looks at the man and says "he ain't doing nuthin,this ain't no P eatin frog!!" and gets up. Man looks at the frog and says let me talk to him and again tells the frog "frog eat her P". Lady again sits down on frog and after a few moments again gets up sayin he aint doing nuthin. Man says ok,ok then looks down at frog and says "frog I'm only goin to show how to do this one more time!""..........................................GO RV 2011 BABY!!!!

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Caz!!! OMG...you naughty naughty little boy! Your fiancee needs to get out the whips and paddles again! ha ha :P

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I have been waiting for the right time to post this one Tiff. My Catholic friend sent it to me biggrin.gif

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

  • Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
  • There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  • There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  • Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  • Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet on his ass.
  • We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  • The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
  • David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
  • When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
  • We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
  • When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
  • The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
  • The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.”
  • Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
Edited by Soldiering4U
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Caz!!! OMG...you naughty naughty little boy! Your fiancee needs to get out the whips and paddles again! ha ha :P

Tiff, don't threaten Caz with a good time lol. Oh and I liked the Posse joke the best, that was great

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Tiff, don't threaten Caz with a good time lol. Oh and I liked the Posse joke the best, that was great

uhhhhh...can someone call a locksmith for me.........quick please!..........................GO RV 2011 BABY!!!

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An Irishman went to confession:

"Farther"' he confessed, "its been a month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.

The priest told the sinner "You are forgiven. Go outside and say three Hail Mary's.

Soon another irishman entered the confessional.

Father its been two months since my last confession. I've been having sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months

This time the father questioned "Who is this Nookie Green?

A new woman in the neighborhood the sinner replied.

Very well said the priest ..Go and say ten Hail Mary's

At mass the next morning as the priest is preparing to deliver the sermon.. A tall voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous redhead entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church were on her as she slowly sashayed up the isle and sat down right in front of the priest.

Her dress was green and very short and she was wearing matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and the altor boy gasped as she sat with her legs spread slightly apart to reveal she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altor boy and whispered."Is that Nookie Green"?

The bugeyed altor boy couldnt believe his ears, but managed to calmly reply.

"No father, I think it's just a reflection of her shoes."

Edited by chsmstr
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MY LIVING WILL:

Last night, my family and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

They are so on my sh-t list!

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