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"Blonde Jokes" for the lack of anything else


jbbdolphins
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There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

******************************************************************************************************************************

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

A: Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

******************************************************************************************************************************

There was a Blonde and her husband.

One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.

When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"

The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."

**********************************************************************************************************************************

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of

an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of

the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she

thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then

the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it

was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they

landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little

girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,

why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came

down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy

who

was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,

why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came

down

and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on

the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you

laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the

building behind me blew up!!"

***********************************************************************

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a

loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,

standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.

"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and

those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself !"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

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***************************************************************************************

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides

to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides

to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and

says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start

at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

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A woman (perhaps blonde :D ) and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh, yes. I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued. "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police."

:lol:

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A small town man was on the lake fishing with live dynamite sticks. He would lite the dynamite, throw it in the water and the fish would pop up to the top. His friend the gamewarden came by and said "joe, you know you can't fish like that, it is against the law, either you stop or I will have to take you in" With that, Joe lights a stick of dynamite and throws it to the gamewarden and says to him, "well, are you going to fish or blow up?"

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OK, there was this really witless blonde, but she was nevertheless really tired of being made fun of, so she dyed her hair brunette and went out to have some fun with her new found intelligence.

First off, she would go for a drive in the country. Seeing a farmer and a flock of sheep, she thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

Bringing her car to a screaching halt, she went over to the farmer and asked,

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, replied, "Sure!" The woman glanced at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer's jaw dropped in amazement - she was right! So the blonde-now-brunette woman picked a sheep and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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