Silly Smiles ll+ *** Warning Objectionable Material Inside - Enter at your own risk ***

[pokerplayer]

[sandsoftime]

 

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

1 hour ago, sandsoftime said:

 

 

 

They didn't need No Stinkin' Toilet Paper. They were tough, they used Palm Leaves! 🤣🌴🧻🚽

[nstoolman1]

$10,000 a bullet

 

 

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a hitman who charges $10,000 a bullet.

The man says "Aren't you the guy who charges 10k a bullet?" The hitman replies "Yeah, that's me." The man says "I have a job for you. I got 20k spare, and I found out my wife was cheating on me with my best friend. I want you to shoot my wife in the head, and my friend in the *enis." The hitman accepts the offer, and the man gives him the name of the hotel they are staying at.

They both arrive at the hotel, and climb to the roof of a building next to it. The hitman aims at the window of the wife's hotel room. The man says to the hitman "Why are you taking so long? Go ahead and take the shot!" The hitman says, "Be patient. I'm trying to save you $10,000."

 

[nstoolman1]

The Blond and the cow.

 

 

 

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy: “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is, in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know, how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"

The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
(It's nice to see a blonde winning once in awhile)

[nstoolman1]

A Dog's Diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
A CAT'S DIARY:
Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre, dangling, little objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, must be an informant. He speaks with them regularly and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

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