Silly Smiles ll+ *** Warning Objectionable Material Inside - Enter at your own risk ***

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

This Is Just WRONG! 

 

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

Any "rednecks" on here, this ONLY A JOKE.   NOT A SUGGESTION! 😂 😂 

 

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

🐦 🦅 🦜 

 

 

 

Birds of a Feather or I Call Fowl!

(This story was inspired by true events)

It happened to me...again! There must be a large bird that is assigned by the bird gods to my car. As soon as I left the car wash, it struck me, again! I know it sounds a little 'fowl' but it's not little. Does my windshield have an invisible target on it? One that is only visible to a birds vision? Perhaps, my car, for some unknown reason, sends out a poop on me signal that is triggered by a car wash! I looked in my Ford manual in the index under 'S' for signal and found my turn signal but there was nothing mentioned about a poop signal. Then I looked under the 'P's' for poop, nothing. 'T' for turds, not a thing mentioned! I even looked under 'E' for excrement and you guessed it, nada, zilch. I also looked under 'M' for maintenance and found the heading, 'washing your car' and there was not a single mention of 'in case of a bird infestation' follow these directions to prevent bird target practice on your car.

This turd was a direct, dead center of the windshield strike! My assigned bird is getting better, with a more efficient aim. Where do these birds go to practice their craft? Perhaps a mall parking lot, or do they overeat on Saturday night and head to church parking lots on Sunday morning to hone their dumping skills? Maybe there's an aviary somewhere that offers crap classes.

How big is a birds colon anyway? Why couldn't my car have been assigned a constipated sparrow instead of a goose with diarrhea? Instead of a Dodo Bird I got a 'Doo-Doo' Bird chasing after me! Or perhaps it's a 'Stool' Pigeon or an 'Excrement' Egret! There's a slight possibility that it's Bat guano (I thought I'd take a 'swing' at it). All I know is, I'm tired of my car being 'dumped' on!

Well I'm 'pooped', so I have to 'scat'! Must be that 'Dung'-in Donut I had earlier this morning!

Oh and by the way, the bird that follows me around is female. Her name is 'Aimy'.

It looks like a crap comet!

Guess what they call those little gray speckles in bird poop? It's bird crap too!!!

Oh man it's starting to rain!

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[CSM (R) Thack]

[Sage449]

Smokeymtndinar, those two guys need more muscle to prop up those boulders 😁😁😁

[nannab]

On 7/7/2022 at 3:06 PM, Smokey Mtn. Dinar said:

For many dangerous jobs, it's important to protect your ass... 😂

 

 

Oh thanks now I know what it meant when my boss would say CYA   

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

1 hour ago, Sage449 said:

Smokeymtndinar, those two guys need more muscle to prop up those boulders 😁😁😁

 

 

😂 😂 😂  Or convert a front-end loader to a back end loader  😂

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

[nstoolman1]

44 minutes ago, Markinsa said:

So he lit a firework under the open trunk lid where all the other fireworks were being kept? What could go wrong?

[Sage449]

OMG! And they're supposed to lead the world???

[Markinsa]

[CSM (R) Thack]

1 hour ago, CSM (R) Thack said:

Looks like my fist attempt was a bust!! 😂🤣…2nd attempt!!

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[divemaster5734]

On 7/9/2022 at 4:34 PM, Markinsa said:

 

Do you remember those WWII underground Popeye flicks?

They used to play them at a small run down theater in Huntington Beach that played midnight surfer flicks. 

They had Popeye taking a hit of spinach and at the time hilarious swearing mixed with vile slangs as he slapped bad guys with their own destroyers.

Seriously foul-mouthed, adult themed, but really good frame drawn cartoons.

We'd sometimes hit a flick after night surfing if there was a hurricane making waves in the south Pacific.

Fresh out of the Army, spent a couple years chasing a curl.

Edited July 12, 2022 by divemaster5734

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

Just for the record, I am a West Virginia Native! 🙂

 

 

 

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO WEST VIRGINIA :

1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

5. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

6. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

7. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.

8. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

9. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

10. If you are a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".

11. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

12. Yes, weddings, funerals, and divorces must take into account for WVU Football games.

13. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.

14. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die.

15. We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.

16. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.

17. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying you're an idiot.

18. No mater what kind : sprite, coke, pepsi, mtn dew, it isn't called soda. Its all called pop.

19. If you don't like the weather in WEST Virginia, wait 15 minutes, it will change.

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

 

 

My question is "How did it get up there?" 😂 

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

 

Punctuation is important.

Don't shoot Grandma.

Don't shoot, Grandma.

Don't, shoot Grandma.

Note the lack of exclamation points.

Edited July 12, 2022 by Smokey Mtn. Dinar

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

NOT your "typical" rat!  😂

 

[md11fr8dawg]

Found him!!!