Silly Smiles ll+ *** Warning Objectionable Material Inside - Enter at your own risk ***

[divemaster5734]

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson. 2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled. 3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move. 4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm. 5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price. 6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on. 7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around. 8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene. 9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars. 10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. 11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. 12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band. 13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it. 14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark. 15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell. 16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare. 17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.” 18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence. 19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering. 20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find. 21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road. 22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re. 23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.” 24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self. 25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

[divemaster5734]

 

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

Those nasty Skid Demons..

[divemaster5734]

[Smokey Mtn. Dinar]

[moose 57]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

[divemaster5734]

Before anyone gets upset, THIS IS SATIRE!!!  DM

 

NETWORK, NJ– Desperate to stay off the Fed’s radar, the mob has scrapped the letters ‘AstroTurf Supply & Installation’ off their hideout and renamed it ‘Hunter’s Laptop.’  The storefront is located in Newark’s Westgate Shopping Center and the FBI refuses to come within fifty miles of the new shop.

To show how safe the new business name keeps them; Mickey ‘The Hard Drive’ Stacks provided a demonstration for a CNN reporter by calling the FBI himself.

“Yeah, I’s heard there somma them January 6th Trump supports here,” Mickey said into his cell phone.

“There are?  WHERE?  You must tell us, now!” the federal agent screamed.

“Sure.  Theys by the Westgate Shopping Center.  Ya know by the new Hunter’s Laptop location?” he said smiling.

“Oh.  There?  Well.  It really wasn’t an insurrection when you think about it,” said the nervous agent.  “I think it’s time to heal and the FBI shouldn’t go anywhere near there,” [click].

Cloaking the hideout under the new store name has been a boon to organized crime, and all the credit goes to President Biden. 

“We demand an apology from Republicans who said Joe would return our nation to 1970’s crime levels,” Jen Psaki said.  “We are far exceeding the ‘70’s and we’ve only just begun.”

Update: The CNN reporter later asked the mafia leader why, if you’re worried about being seen, did you agree to this televised interview.  To which Mickey replied, “Why do you think we only talk to CNN?

[divemaster5734]

 

Biden’s Approval So Low Hunter No Longer Wants To Be Seen With Him During Drug Deals

BALTIMORE, MD–Democrats everywhere are refusing to appear alongside President Joe Biden and you can now add Hunter to that list. 

Reportedly, Hunter is now leaving his father in the car as he conducts his criminal activity in the Baltimore area.

“Hey Pops, tell you what, you stay here and keep the seat warm,” Hunter explained while rapidly rubbing his teeth in the sun visor mirror. “Use some of that classic Biden gas you’re famous for.”

Joe, who still doesn’t understand that everyone hates him, was overheard pleading with Hunter.

“Awe, c’mon man. Let me come. I still got it. Remember when I gave that prosecutor six hours to bury your….uhh… those dead hookers in the… White House lawn.” Joe said trailing off.

Finally, Hunter relented and allowed his father to attend an important drug deal.

“Seriously? You brought Sniffs?” Anthony Weiner scoffed at Hunter. “I’m trying to run a clean operation selling opioids and sex trafficking and you bring the guy who totally botched the Afghanistan pull out? I just don’t feel comfortable being seen with someone like that. We have reputations, ya know?”

Once the two Biden men were in a dimly lit apartment with dozens of criminals, Joe inadvertently asked everyone, “Did you guys…ya know, the thing?” This enraged the hostile men and they screamed at Hunter, “You told him about the thing?! We said no one ever mentions the thing!”

Update: The two barely escaped as hundreds of bullets began flying, making it one of the more successful days of the Biden presidency.

[divemaster5734]

Biden Comforts Ukrainians By Sending Them Large ‘No More Mean Tweets!’ Sign

KYIV, UKR– Since we’re told Joe Biden is a kind, grandfatherly type man, the fictional president is offering his classic warmth and comfort to the people in Ukraine. A transgender soldier has been sent to Kyiv to hold a large banner reading: ‘No More Mean Tweets!’

“I have given Ukraine a reminder that because of me, the corporate media, and a series of well-placed suitcases, we have removed those mean Tweets that reckless ol’ Donald Trump used to send,” Biden said looking into the wrong camera.  “Ukraine, who oddly just wrapped up four years of peace and stability, no longer can look on the internet and see divisive words from a president.  Oh, I just hate divisive leaders! And every single person who disagrees with me on that is a white supremacist Nazi who we should kill.”

Shortly after Biden’s speech, Facebook fact-checkers rated his words as ‘100% True,’ with the highlighted section being: “The president said the Ukrainians can ‘no longer look at the internet’ and that is 100% true because the nation has been leveled and the internet no longer exists.”

Update: The US Military is considering repercussions for Vladimir Putin after the transgender soldier holding the sign was blown into a million pieces–a hate crime punishable by spending up to four minutes in jail in California.

[nstoolman1]

The thing about a satirical story is that there's always some truth to it.

Probably more to this one than anyone realizes.

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]