Silly Smiles II

[Bama Girl]

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator? 
A: She couldn't find the "10" button.

 

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr. Kiinnngg

 

 

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said, "No," and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. 

One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 

 

 

 

 

[nstoolman1]

[Starrider]

 

[Sage449]

[Starrider]

 

Starr

Edited December 10, 2018 by Starrider

[Starrider]

Starr

[Starrider]

 

Starrider

[RodandStaff]

Breaking news.... Southerners don’t know how to drive in this white stuff! 

Yup...that’s a Charlotte, NC snow plow!  They don’t have enough plows as it is! 🙄

I’ll give em a break though, that’s a lot of snow! 😳

Edited December 10, 2018 by RodandStaff

[SgtFuryUSCZ]

***///  WOW, R&S....!    Holy smokes, kiddo !   Stay safe up there! 

[RodandStaff]

Will do Gals! 😉

Edited December 10, 2018 by RodandStaff

[cws]

1 hour ago, RodandStaff said:

Will do Gals! 😉

 

Nothing like memories of Wisconsin winters!! ❄️ ❄️ ⛄️ 

[Starrider]

Starr

[Starrider]

From my EX

 

Starr LOL

[Starrider]

Starr

[Starrider]

MODs if any of my posts above are inappropriate please remove. It's Cocktail hour have a laugh or a drink on me.

 

Starr

[Starrider]

32 minutes ago, Starrider said:

MODs if any of my posts above are inappropriate please remove. It's Cocktail hour have a laugh or a drink on me.

 

Starr

 

[cranman]

Starrider you are definitely my kind of person.  I'm going to have that cocktail and LMAO as I watch the videos over and over again.  

[RodandStaff]

4 hours ago, cws said:

 

Nothing like memories of Wisconsin winters!! ❄️ ❄️ ⛄️ 

I remember twice surviving -60 (w/o windchill) and weeks on end at -20...that’s not exactly a fond memory for me...more like a nightmare! 😳

I do miss ice fishing, but I would like a cozy warm ice shack if’n I ever get the chance to do it again! 

[cws]

45 minutes ago, RodandStaff said:

I remember twice surviving -60 (w/o windchill) and weeks on end at -20...that’s not exactly a fond memory for me...more like a nightmare! 😳

I do miss ice fishing, but I would like a cozy warm ice shack if’n I ever get the chance to do it again! 

 

Thats the way I do it. To old to “tough” it out now.  Ice forming good. I hope to get out real soon. 

[Bama Girl]

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”

 

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. 
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” 
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” 
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” 
That’s about as far as I remember.

 

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? 
-To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" 
- "What is the problem?" 
-"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

 

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
 There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?

 

 

 

 

 

[Starrider]

2 hours ago, cranman said:

Starrider you are definitely my kind of person.  I'm going to have that cocktail and LMAO as I watch the videos over and over again.  

I only get like this after a few. But its all for the laughs.

Starr

[Pitcher]

Star, totally inappropriate.  

 

Keep em coming.  I’m crying LMAO

[Muleslayer]

8 hours ago, Starrider said:

From my EX

 

Starr LOL

Oh Shitte!

remind me not to make you mad dear!

[moose 57]

Good morning d. V.

  Finally figured out how to login on my phone. I hope everyone is good out there and looking forward to Christmas. Got married and moved to Texas, life has been awesome and a little crazy. Still trying to figure out my new supposedly smartphone I guess I'm the dummy here!  Now It's time to catch up on everything in dinar land!

 

H.a.n.d

 

Edited December 11, 2018 by moose 57

[Pitcher]

Congratulations, welcome to Texas!!