For Newly Married Couples

[slapant]

My husband and I just got married last month. We are having some issues about financial matters. How can we work on this together? I don't want to have major problems in our relationship since we are just starting new.

[Shedagal]

Seriously, you didn't discuss this before marriage?  And you are asking "strangers" for advice?  Pretty sad.

[Indraman]

There are usually three traditional things that married couples fight about:

 

1) Money

2) Sex

3) Family

 

Welcome to the club!

 

I have learned through my almost 25 years of marriage and experiences that if you are not able to change and consider the viewpoints and opinions of your spouse as valid and equal, you will be doomed for "D".

 

Also, don't be afraid to reach out for help, as you have done here, but I would focus your energy towards a licensed Christian counselor. If you chose a Secular counselor, you will get the hedonistic view of the world where you are the center and everything revolves around you. The Christian counselor hopefully will teach you to consider your spouse first before anything else.

 

Indy

[Texstorm]

Bump ! No I meant speed bump ! 💲 👨‍👩‍👦

[MyLadiesDaddy]

You and your spouse need to come to the age old truth, "if momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy ". 😂

Once this is realized then the husband begins to understand that within reason it's best to let momma handle all finances.  

But SERIOUSLY, compromise is the glue that binds All Relationships. You both are now one and must learn to work as one. Not easy, to be sure, but essential in a marriage.  

[nstoolman1]

My wife handles the finances and we both take part in major decisions.

I told her when we first got married that the money pot has only one spigot to feed it.

How many holes get punched in the bottom will determine if the bucket gets drained or stays relatively full. 

If the bucket goes dry we all go down together. She has kept the bucket pretty wet and now that I am retired 

we are enjoying some things we had to forego in the past. 

Coming up on 36 years and I will agree with LGD  to a point (If momma ain't happy nobody's happy)

and Indraman about take care of the needs of your partner. Does not mean be a door mat but be supportive in their endeavors.

You were very generic in saying financial issue so we as a collective can give you all kinds of advice and flippant answers but

only you know what the real issues are. 

[bostonangler]

Sorry to hear you have reached this point so quickly, but the fact you are aware of the problem is a big first step. If you are talking solely about finances and perhaps spending, one idea that might work for you that has worked for me is to have personal accounts for "walking around" money and a house account for the things really matter. Each person does need some freedom to do things as needed, but you both also need to realize the house account is the priority. I certainly do not know your situation such as jobs etc., but start a conversation. You might spend a few minutes going over all your bills at the end of the month and write down your expenses and budget how much it costs to run your home. I can tell you it is an eye opener when you go over your expenses and see where your money actually goes. Based on your incomes and expenses, you can both agree to put a percentage into the house account that is realistic and works for everyone. Then agree to a smaller percentage to go into you "walking around money" account, so both of you have some leeway to live life within reason and purpose.

 

I'm no professional, but have 25 years experience in the marriage business and although there have been bumps in the road, with truthful and non-confrontational conversation a good couple can over come most things.

 

I hope this helps.

 

B/A

[umbertino]

 

Slapant...Wishing you & hubby the best......

 

Marriage can be awesome but it certainly has its share of  difficulties ( married twice here)....Teamwork is the thing to do if there are the conditions...

[Fly]

 Congratulations!! To you, your husband and your new family, I hope blessings continue your way.

 

Surely you feel the same way, who woundn’t like to have the continued blessings of a happy family? You’re seeking advice shows awareness that too achieve a happy family involves effort, which is to be commended. Advice taken from others may seem vague or perceptible...when your situation is unique not involving just you but your spouse as well, who is also unique. Practical advice has been made available by the one who brought your marriage together, building a truly happy family today rely’s deeply on how far from the comfort zone one is willing to reach in seeking out the best reliable advice.

 

 Many topics on marriage can be found here maybe you’ll find some answers. https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/

 

[Flash101]

What's yours is yours and what's his is yours problem solved. And if he can cook, clean, laundry, windows floors, mow the lawn take the trash out then it's a BONUS.

 

101

Edited July 31, 2018 by Flash101

[Muleslayer]

14 hours ago, Indraman said:

hedonistic view of the world

 

14 hours ago, Indraman said:

Christian counselor hopefully will teach you to consider your spouse first before anything else.

Amen! 

[slapant]

On 7/31/2018 at 10:55 PM, nstoolman1 said:

My wife handles the finances and we both take part in major decisions.

I told her when we first got married that the money pot has only one spigot to feed it.

 

 

This is great to know. Couples need to make major decisions together. I want everything to be okay because I don't want to spend on couples counseling.. I heard it is expensive.

[umbertino]

5 minutes ago, slapant said:

 

This is great to know. Couples need to make major decisions together. I want everything to be okay because I don't want to spend on couples counseling.. I heard it is expensive.

 

Slapant.....Communication ( along with obvious intellectual honesty...) between you two is essential....If you both try  for real to work it out ( granted the will to do so...) you won't need any counseling....Best

 

 

It should be no competition......Better put pride aside ( which is not always easy...)

Edited August 1, 2018 by umbertino

[slapant]

Thank you all for giving me so much insight. We'll power through this together, rest assured. :)

[umbertino]

3 hours ago, slapant said:

Thank you all for giving me so much insight. We'll power through this together, rest assured.

 

Fantastic...

 

 

Best