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Stop Being a Butthole Wife


Markinsa
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Stop Being a Butthole Wife

Stop Being a Butthole Wife www.herviewfromhome.com

Stop being a butthole wife.  No, I’m serious.  End it. 

Let’s start with the laundry angst.  I get it, the guy can’t find the hamper.  It’s maddening.  It’s insanity.  Why, why, must he leave piles of clothes scattered, the same way that the toddler does, right?  I mean, grow up and help out around here, man.  There is no laundry fairy.

What if that pile of laundry is a gift in disguise from a God you can’t (yet) see?  Don’t roll your eyes, hear me out on this one.

I was a butthole wife.  Until my husband died.

The day my husband left earth for heaven, all of my marriage problems vanished.  There was no one to fuss at, negotiate with, or play possum at bedtime (you know, when you pretend you’re asleep to bypass sex). 

Marriage is designed to be a reflection of Christ’s love for His people.  It’s supposed to be beautifully harmonious and intimate.  How often I screwed that up with bickering and manipulating.  I wanted a perfect husband who acted how I wanted, and if that didn’t happen, well, butthole wife was in full effect.  If only he could understand how right I was and how wrong he’d always be.  I needed to instruct him, question him, and remind him of his shortcomings.  After all, I was his “helpmate.”

The reality is, I wasn’t helping him or our marriage.   By pointing out each fault, I was poisoning the relationship.  Oh, it was still a good marriage and we deeply loved each other, but it was not what it could have been.  And now it was too late.

Days after his funeral, I stared at our dirty clothes basket that sat atop our dryer, knowing his clothes were inside.  I sighed so deeply.   Before me was the last load of laundry I would ever wash for that sweet man.  There would be no more dirty socks to pick up around the house.   Ever.

A week before I would have rolled my eyes at that basket.  But now, it held priceless treasures.  I waited weeks to wash those clothes.  My heart ached for dirty socks to once more be a part of my days.

Those messes dotted around the house are reminders of God’s gifts to us.   Like Jesus, we have the opportunity to demonstrate love by serving those we live with.  And the last time I checked, not a single person is perfect.   How many times had my husband kept quiet, listened, and endured?  He shared no list of ways that I needed refinement.  He simply loved me.

Those clothes were painfully cleaned and boxed away or donated.  The tears countless.

And God, the Lover of my soul, in His infinite mercy, later gave me a special gift.  He has allowed me to love again, to wear a second wedding dress, and to be a better wife.  I married a wonderful man.  I am still a butthole wife, but I am working on edifying the man who provides for my sons and me.  I now strive to hug more and nag less.  My goal is to make him feel respected, important, valued.  I want to live love.

laundry

Recently, I walked into the master bedroom and I stopped, nearly bursting into tears.  I saw a pile of dirty clothes that my new husband had abandoned on the floor.  As I stared at the pile, I smiled.  I knew he had hurried to change out of work clothes into comfy clothes so he could spend time with his new family.  He had chosen what is more important.  I happily scooped the treasures into my arms and carried them to the washing machine. 

I get to do this!  I get to serve!  I get to live with a wonderful man who ditches laundry for people. 

“Let us not become weary in doing good.” Galatians 6:9

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9 hours ago, umbertino said:

It'd be interesting to read a female input on this one..Just for a form of fairness....

I'm sure they would agree with this story. I have a sister who lost her husband 2 yrs ago, she still wishes for his presence.  She wishes she could make one more memory with him.  The pain of a lost loved one, she says lingers on and on and on.  I tell her time is all she has and to take her time.

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Awesome post Mark and thanks for sharing my friend. We become accustomed to our loved ones knowing and thinking they will always be there with the thought of growing old together, enjoying our children and our grandchildren but sometimes life deals us a blow and we never know how much we loved someone until they are gone. 

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Just now, EagleEye said:

A real gem Mark....would love to "teach" it ...if I could figure out a way to third-person the story without half of the women thinking I was talking about them....wow !!!

Teach it just the way it is written. Be tactful of course. I don't know how many time I have listened to a pastor teach and swore he was speaking right at me or about me. If a person needs the lesson they will pick up on it and come away thinking about it. If they don't, they are in denial or they already are doing it. If it makes them squirm,,,maybe the Holy Spirit is nudging them.  

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3 minutes ago, nstoolman1 said:

Teach it just the way it is written. Be tactful of course. I don't know how many time I have listened to a pastor teach and swore he was speaking right at me or about me. If a person needs the lesson they will pick up on it and come away thinking about it. If they don't, they are in denial or they already are doing it. If it makes them squirm,,,maybe the Holy Spirit is nudging them.  

Amen to that...my def of D E N I  A L = Don't Even (K)now I Am Lying !! 

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On 1/11/2017 at 9:38 PM, EagleEye said:

A real gem Mark....would love to "teach" it ...if I could figure out a way to third-person the story without half of the women thinking I was talking about them....wow !!!

 

especially the pastor's wife !!:o:lmao::praying:

 

 

On 1/11/2017 at 10:21 PM, Whatshername said:

Hey EE... did you see that I memed you?  Hope you don't mind.  I tried to get your permission but I guess we don't have messaging.  :unsure:

 

Not at all WHN ...it looked good !!

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On ‎1‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 9:04 AM, umbertino said:

It'd be interesting to read a female input on this one..Just for a form of fairness....

Just read this post and see that no female has responded to your request, so here goes.  I am not your typical millennial feminist, so I'm probably not the perspective you were looking for.  However, I have worked with them.  Most of them would secretly give anything if they could go back to the traditional marriage where the husband was the breadwinner and she was the homemaker and nurturer for the children.  I am not knocking women having careers, but I know what the pressures to be seen as superior have done to women.  Don't get me wrong - they are equal, especially in God's eyes (look at Proverbs 31), but God designed marriage with the man as the head.  Does that mean the woman is his servant?  Certainly not.  It also says the husband is to love her as Christ loves the Church, giving Himself for Her.  What I am really saying is that in marriage the desire should be to please the other person (be other-centered).  Maybe she picks up his dirty laundry; maybe he makes sure her car always has gas.  It's the little things.

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2 hours ago, Shedagal said:

Just read this post and see that no female has responded to your request, so here goes.  I am not your typical millennial feminist, so I'm probably not the perspective you were looking for.  However, I have worked with them.  Most of them would secretly give anything if they could go back to the traditional marriage where the husband was the breadwinner and she was the homemaker and nurturer for the children.  I am not knocking women having careers, but I know what the pressures to be seen as superior have done to women.  Don't get me wrong - they are equal, especially in God's eyes (look at Proverbs 31), but God designed marriage with the man as the head.  Does that mean the woman is his servant?  Certainly not.  It also says the husband is to love her as Christ loves the Church, giving Himself for Her.  What I am really saying is that in marriage the desire should be to please the other person (be other-centered).  Maybe she picks up his dirty laundry; maybe he makes sure her car always has gas.  It's the little things.

YES, excellent....... Ephesians 5:25

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On 1/13/2017 at 6:55 PM, Shedagal said:

Just read this post and see that no female has responded to your request, so here goes.  I am not your typical millennial feminist, so I'm probably not the perspective you were looking for.  However, I have worked with them.  Most of them would secretly give anything if they could go back to the traditional marriage where the husband was the breadwinner and she was the homemaker and nurturer for the children.  I am not knocking women having careers, but I know what the pressures to be seen as superior have done to women.  Don't get me wrong - they are equal, especially in God's eyes (look at Proverbs 31), but God designed marriage with the man as the head.  Does that mean the woman is his servant?  Certainly not.  It also says the husband is to love her as Christ loves the Church, giving Himself for Her.  What I am really saying is that in marriage the desire should be to please the other person (be other-centered).  Maybe she picks up his dirty laundry; maybe he makes sure her car always has gas.  It's the little things.

spot on IMHO...as I have taught for 31 years...the husband's love it to be sacrificial like Christ and the church...

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