2nd Amendment Humor Thread

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[Markinsa]

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As a woman who wanted to be a pilot, I LOVE this TRUE story. 

 

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[nstoolman1]

Lesson in irony

Stolen from another forum

 

 

 

Once in a while we just have to stand back in awe of our government.
The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever - to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Dept. of the Interior, asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." Their stated reason for the policy is because "the animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."
Thus ends today's lesson in irony.

[nstoolman1]

[nstoolman1]

So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.

[nstoolman1]

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"

Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the roads and sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week already, and your daughter fell twice!"t 

[nstoolman1]

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.
When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally Donald Trump gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.
When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Trump got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, "Since Biden took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

[Markinsa]

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[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

[sandsoftime]

 

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

[Markinsa]

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15 hours ago, Markinsa said:

 

 

OK. I just shared this to my facebook page. Let's see how long it takes them to delete it, and maybe me!  

[Monkndad]

On 9/10/2021 at 9:15 PM, Markinsa said:

Love Ted Nugent. He is a true American.