Silly Smiles

[moose 57]

12 hours ago, puckster_guy said:

 

 

 

h.a.n.d.

[boosterbglee]

Watt did you say?     "I" can't hear you!  

[RodandStaff]

18 hours ago, Muleslayer said:

For those of you that need a map to the resistance underground!

Well...it looks like I’ll need a map, a navigator to hold my hand and ear buds with a recording to very slowly translate this into English for me...and if it’s a life or death kinda thingy I’ll start planning my funeral now!  

Edited December 16, 2017 by RodandStaff

[puckster_guy]

 

[moose 57]

 

h.a.n.d.

[Muleslayer]

To late brother!

kansas was first, as far as I know!

http://www.kansas.com/news/business/biz-columns-blogs/carrie-rengers/article39420237.html

[divemaster5734]

On 12/15/2017 at 8:13 PM, Muleslayer said:

For those of you that need a map to the resistance underground!

 

 

OMG!!

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE ?!?!?!

 

OK, so it might have been a day or two since I went through all those tortuous classes, but the military training for electronics and computer repair had a much different memory "rhyme".

Bad

Boys 

Rape

Our

Young

Girls

But

Violet

Gives

Willingly

 

 

Hey, it worked. 

43 years later and I still remember the darn code.

  Daily public humiliation was as much a part of the training as the weapons and combat instruction.

It worked. There was nothing like being forced to stand on the podium in front of the platoon, forced to drop your pants, then while grasping your M16 in one hand and a body part in the other, bellowing out a reminder to everyone else exactly what the difference was between weapons and guns, or any of numerous traps they had carefully constructed in order to  impress on us the importance of nuance or details. Most of us did remember , and because of that made it back home.

Still, those DS were sadistic bastards, may God bless their evil hearts.

[moose 57]

 

h.a.n.d.

[429]

5 hours ago, moose 57 said:

 

h.a.n.d.

My family at Olan Mills.

(Olan Mills is a large nation-wide photography chain in the US for those of you in places like Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, Canada and Italy. FYI)

[DinarDavo]

On 12/17/2017 at 8:24 AM, moose 57 said:

 

h.a.n.d.

 

 

There was a pool hall in Orlando called The Hardware Store.....spent some after work hours there "shopping".     

[Markinsa]

[nstoolman1]

Redneck engineering exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

[nstoolman1]

Three Blondes

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position
on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the
interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all
want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a
folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things
such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and
so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew
it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice
any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has
only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the
photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and
said,"What about you? Notice anything unusual or
Outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's
face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,
"This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her
face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and
began looking at some of the papers in the
folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression
and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears
contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at
his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only
one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

[nstoolman1]

actual bumper stickers

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." 

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken" 

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." 

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes." 

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools" 

"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon" 

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." 

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep." 

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...." 

"Montana - At least our cows are sane!" 

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." 

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian." 

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!" 

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you." 

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS." 

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative." 

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?" 

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!" 

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better." 

"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!" 

"Forget about World Peace..... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!" 

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear." 

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else." 

"We are bom naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse." 

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot." 

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

[Markinsa]

 

A tip for you married guys...

 

[Markinsa]

 

[moose 57]

 

ha.n.d.

[RodandStaff]

Apparently it's a thing!!!  

[RodandStaff]

[RodandStaff]

Decisions, decisions???  

[RodandStaff]

[RodandStaff]

For you gun lovers out there...Christmas Carols like you ain't never heard before!!! 

https://www.facebook.com/mbest11x/videos/1023587457779152/

[RodandStaff]

Midwestern sportsmen be like.... 

[moose 57]

Maybe the government will give me a grant to figure this out! (ya never know)

 

h.a.n.d.

[moose 57]

 

h.a.n.d.