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RodandStaff Rookie

RodandStaff

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The Coyote Principle
CALIFORNIA
• The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
• The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
• He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
• He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
• The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
• The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
• The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
• The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
• The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.
• PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

TEXAS
• The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
• The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
• The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

;)

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Theseus Rising Star

Theseus

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Its been divulged that the ratio of children on Medicare in the state of California is 1 in 2. Why for the love of God, if 50% of all the children in the state of Californ-I-A  are being cared for by the Government, do they think they can take care of themselves if the state were to secede from the USA? I call that the Stupidity Principle. Remember ignorance is curable, unfortunately stupidity is a disease that can never be cured.

Edited by Theseus
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Flash101 Newbie

Flash101

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9 minutes ago, Theseus said:

Its been divulged that the ratio of children on Medicare in the state of California is 1 in 2. Why for the love of God, if 50% of all the children in the state of Californ-I-A  are being cared for by the Government, do they think they can take care of themselves if the state were to secede from the USA? I call that the Stupidity Principle. Remember ignorance is curable, unfortunately stupidity is a disease that can never be cured.

:bravo::bravo::bravo: Well said I lived in Redwood City sum years ago & I gotta agree +1

101

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nstoolman1 Grand Master

nstoolman1

Posted

 

Joke: Engineer Dies and is sent to Hell

 

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. 

The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. 

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. 

The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. 

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. 

He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." 

The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." 

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" 

The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

 

 

Joke: Deciding Heaven or Hell 

So an Oracle sales rep dies and goes to the afterlife. He meets St. Peter, and St. Peter tells him, "So, contrary to what you have been told, you actually get to choose where you get to stay for eternity. So take a look around and decide where you would like to go."

So the rep goes and looks at Heaven. And Heaven is just as you would imagine it: A bunch of people sitting on clouds, strumming harps. It's calm, quiet, and boring. 

Then he goes and looks at Hell. Hell is hot, but it's like a tropical hot. There's sunny beaches, people sitting around on lounge chairs drinking mai-tais, girls in bikinis playing volleyball. 

So he goes back to St. Peter, and St. Peter asks him, "So, where have you decided to stay?" And the sales rep says, "Well, I know it must sound weird, but I think I'd like to stay in Hell." And St. Peter says, "Okay then. Off you go."

And the sales rep gets back to Hell, but this time it's fire and brimstone, and pools of lava, and demons stabbing him with pitchforks. He's screaming in agony, and he cries out, "But, St. Peter, what happened! Where are the beaches, and the mai-tais, and the girls playing volleyball!" 

And St. Peter says, "Oh, sorry, that was the sales demo."

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