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Everyone In Middle East Given Own Country In 317,000,000-State Solution

Adam Montana

By Adam Montana,
in Dinar Rumors

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Adam Montana

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NEW YORK—Marking the latest and most ambitious attempt to bring stability to the region, the United Nations announced Wednesday that every single person in the Middle East will receive his or her own sovereign nation as part of a historic 317,000,000-state solution.

 

The broad and extensive compromise, which affects more than 3,000,000 square miles formerly occupied by the territories of Israel, the West Bank, Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Oman, Yemen, Egypt, and Jordan, will reportedly draw over 750,000,000 new borders in what experts claim will help drastically curb sectarian violence.

 

“Given the incredibly complex and volatile sociopolitical landscape throughout the Middle East, a 317,000,000-state solution is the only realistic means of achieving lasting peace,” said U.N. Security Council president Eugène-Richard Gasana, noting that the treaty was reached after lengthy negotiations, which brought together each of the more than 300,000,000 independent factions.

 

“We are pleased to finally come to an agreement that will hopefully stabilize the entire region and adequately satisfy the demands of all parties.”

 

“We are confident that with every man, woman, and child possessing his or her own autonomous area of sovereignty to run as he or she sees fit, we will avoid many of the conflicts that have plagued this part of the world for centuries and left countless dead,” Gasana added. “This is a bright new future for the Middle East.”

 

According to U.N. officials, the newly demarcated Middle East now consists of 8,000,000 independent Jewish states, 4,000,000 independent Palestinian states, 112,000,000 Shi’ite Islamic republics, 156,000,000 Sunni Islamic republics, and 19,000,000 Kurdish nations, as well as approximately 18,000,000 territories that include various Christian, Bahá'í, Druze, Zoroastrian, and secular countries.

 

According to reports, the treaty has largely been met with support from locals, with many praising the division of the region into nearly a third of a billion sovereign states as a practical and desperately needed solution after decades of ceaseless sectarian fighting.

 

“Frankly, giving every Middle Eastern citizen a country of his or her own is long overdue,” 49-year-old Naseer Khalidi told reporters from his newly formed 400-square-foot independent state along the former West Bank, which is adjacent to nations populated by his wife and two children. “After such a long history of violence and discord, we now have a region that is fairly and evenly divided among all religious factions, ethnic groups, and individual inhabitants. Finally, we can all live without oppression.”

The resolution, however, has not been without various complications, with the U.N. now struggling to accommodate its 317,000,183 member states, and the global economy still reportedly has yet to incorporate each of the 317,000,000 entirely new forms of currency.

 

Reports also confirmed that several hundred of the new states in what was formerly northeast Saudi Arabia contain highly valuable oil reserves within their borders, with top officials in those nations having already received a number of diplomatic visits from the U.S. and Western Europe, sparking tensions with their tens of thousands of neighboring countries.

 

“While this idea may work in theory, this is simply another shortsighted plan that will only further strain tensions in the region,” said 54-year-old former Syrian resident Ilyas al-Masry, adding that there have already been some hints of unrest between each of the 246 sovereign states within a 5,000-foot radius of his country. “How can we have stability and peace when more than 300,000,000 nations are inhabiting lands they have absolutely no right to occupy?”

 

“As long as everyone respects my borders, there will be no issues,” al-Masry added. “But I am prepared to use force if there are any attempts to destabilize or infringe upon my nation.”

 

At press time, reports confirmed the outbreak of more than 90,000,000 new wars across the region, with sources estimating the current death toll at approximately 700,000.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-in-middle-east-given-own-country-in-31700,36484/

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hozer Newbie

hozer

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I don't see the RV hapening any time soon. When you have ISIS trying to screw up the Country Of IRAQ and by killing off Christians and anyone else that is not MUSLUM. IE: The American reporter that was beheaded just the other day by ISIS.

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RVWITHME Newbie

RVWITHME

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Logistics nightmare, so couldn't possibly be true.

 

If it was, then the 300,000,000 million new currencies would give us all millions of new ways to "invest" and wait for nothing to happen.

 

As it is, they can't even get a half dozen countries to agree on anything, could you imagine something like this?

If true, it would create full time employment for the whole world just trying to keep these people in line.

 

All in all, pretty funny.

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cbisinger Newbie

cbisinger

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It is romoured that 316,999,999 of those countries will be sold on e-bay, next Tuesday, after the RV WHICH AS WE HAVE ALL BEEN RELIABLY INFORMED, BY OKIE OILMAN, the master guru WILL HAPPEN ON Monday AT 10.28am PRECISELY AND OF COURSE YOUR LOCAL BANK WILL HAVE THE RED CARPET ROLLED OUT FOR YOU AT EXACTLY 10.29am

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DiveDeepSix Newbie

DiveDeepSix

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WOW!  Can you imagine?  No more flights over the ME.  "Uh yep, sorry folks this is your captain speaking, we are still waiting for flight clearance from 317,000,000 little nations! During our wait for departure, please help yourself to some stale mustard pretzels we will be sure to add them to your bill!!"  :eyebrows: 

 

"Just in ................... today in Rahibville a conflict broke out with neighboring  Ishmaeltown, as a militant crossed the border into Rahib's yard looking for his pet goat, fighting is expected to end shortly as both countries have a  military of .................. one!  :D  :lol:  :lol:

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