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My ADULT HUMOR email friend strikes again!


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THE SENSITIVITY OF SENIORS.

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office in West Vancouver after 

the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors.  An elderly lady received a new radio 

at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might 

need a lift today...

Dear Lions Bay School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. 

I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged.

All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the 

kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady..

 

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me 

listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, 

wanted to keep it safe.

 

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was 

awful and she was in tears.

 

 She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to 

f**k off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,

Edna

************

Definitely Not Politically Correct 

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next 

to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK. 

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, 

and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. 

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next dump could spell disaster. 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should 

have taken them off. 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes 

to call it. 

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs 

and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't 

know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30 A.M.. 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,

"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" 

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, 

"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"  "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" 

A Catholic boy in confession says, Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated 

while thinking about my sister.  That's a disgrace, said the priest, especially when you have two gorgeous brothers. 

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's  moving during sex.

*************

‘COCKPIT DUTIES’

Many years ago on a long R.A.A.F  C-130 flight; I asked if I could  visit the cockpit.           

When I got up there, I found four crewmen.  

I asked the first what he did, and he explained: That he was the navigator and what 

his responsibilities were. I turned to next one and asked what he did.  

He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot 

any system problems;  To keep the flight operating smoothly.  

    

I turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain 

he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew.  

I then turned to the first officer and asked "Well young man, what is your job?"  

He replied " Sir, I am the captain's sexual advisor."

Somewhat shocked,  I said "I beg your pardon, what do you mean by that?"

"Very simple sir.”   "The captain has told me that when he wants my f***ing advice, he'll ask me."

*************

Will I Live to see 100?

 

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two 

visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing fairly 

well for my age. (I am past Eighty Five). 

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist 

asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 100?' 

She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or 

hard liquor?' 

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' 

Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued 

ribs?' 

'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red 

meat is very unhealthy!' 

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, 

boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 

'No, I don't,' I said. 

She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot 

of sex?' 

'No,' I said... 

She looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even 

give a sh**?'

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