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Thursday Funny


Frogee
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Little Johnny meets Barack Obama...

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school in North Carolina and he visited a fourth grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.'

So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"


Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher held her breath.


In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"

The teacher fainted!

 

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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair.

While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict.

Look at his clothes!

He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain.

Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.

This guy is obviously very dangerous.

If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey.

I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn't kissing my neck.

He was whispering in my ear.

He told me that he’s ***, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.

I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong honey.

I love you, too.”

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How to Identify Where a Driver is From


1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.


2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.


3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.


4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.


5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.


6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.


7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.


8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.


9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.


10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.


11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.

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“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’


So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.


‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.


Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.


‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.


She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.


I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.


She fainted.”

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