More Humor for the day!!

[DiveDeepSix]

Lets see now 2 jokes......................2 nationalities I've made fun of..............hmmm mission accomplished for the day!!     

 

Sven and Ole, Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by asks what they were doing.

 

"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, " said Sven, "but ve don't haff a ladder."

 

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

 

Ole shook his head and laughed. "Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!"

 

Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Senate.

 

 

 

 

CHINESE SICK LEAVE: I NO COME WORK TODAY.

Wong Chow calls into work and says, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work. The boss says, you know something, Wong Chow, I really need you today.  When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.  That makes everything better and I go to work.  You try that. Two hours later Wong Chow calls again.  I do what you say and I feel great...I be at work soon...you got nice house.

       

[Slaydadea]

DON'T STOP NOW!! YOU ON A ROLL!

[gymrat76541]

Liked the Chinese jike!

[Shabibilicious]

A small grandson got lost at the Mall

 

He nervously approached a mall security guard and said...

"I've lost my grandpa."

The guard asked.... "What's his name?"

The little boy said.... "Grandpa."

The guard smiled and said.... "Well, what's he like?"

The tyke thought for a long moment and replied....

 

"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big t!ts."     

Edited March 13, 2013 by Shabibilicious

[Shabibilicious]

[DiveDeepSix]

A small grandson got lost at the Mall

 

He nervously approached a mall security guard and said...

"I've lost my grandpa."

The guard asked.... "What's his name?"

The little boy said.... "Grandpa."

The guard smiled and said.... "Well, what's he like?"

The tyke thought for a long moment and replied....

 

"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big t!ts."     

Yep sounds like Grandpa!!  LOL

[tellmewhen]

good one shabbs

[Slaydadea]

Now that was GOOD!!

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." 

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" 

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." 

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. 

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. 

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." 

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ 

 

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DinarSpot]

I don't always agree with your politics Shabs but I'm 100% fan of your humor. Can't we all just get along?

From a grandpa

[nostradamus]

Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars." 

One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars." 

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars." Bill and Martha agreed and up they went. 

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars." 

[DiveDeepSix]

Now that was GOOD!!

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." 

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" 

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." 

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. 

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. 

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." 

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ 

 

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

ROFLMAO, Love it!!

[KiaKaha]

LOL thanks for the laughs everybody!

 

KK

[Muleslayer]

A small grandson got lost at the Mall

 

He nervously approached a mall security guard and said...

"I've lost my grandpa."

The guard asked.... "What's his name?"

The little boy said.... "Grandpa."

The guard smiled and said.... "Well, what's he like?"

The tyke thought for a long moment and replied....

 

"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big t!ts."     

Hey quit talking about me!

[Bumper64]