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Move to Arizona

Qman

By Qman,
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Qman Newbie

Qman

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Posted

Move to Arizona

May 30th: Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live

in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a

pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun

worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.

Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more

mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do

people get used to this kind of heat? At least its kind of windy

though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns

over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to

do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a

climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the

upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as ****. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed

to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.

It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise *** cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. **** heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my *** was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ***. Now

my car smells like burnt hair, fried ***, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a **** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do **** for 2 **** months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this **** desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this **** heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to ****! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the **** windshield of the car.

The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes."

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kmseeker Newbie

kmseeker

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You need to move to Flagstaff where it is cooler! uit know what you mean ....I have a friend in Arizona and it's hot, hot , hot!!!!! I like Asheville NC. myself......it's doesn't get below 32 degrees and in the summer it doesn't get higher than 85. All the seasons of the year and it's beautiful!!!!!!

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sammiePJ Newbie

sammiePJ

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i would give my right arm to be in your shoes.. i fell in love with AZ and when it finally rv's ... my butt is moving there in a heart beat... CANT WAIT !!!!!! i will take your place any day.. you move here to houston and i will move there...

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DaveH Newbie

DaveH

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that is so funny! here it is exactly the opposite,,,enjoy!

~ Diary of a Mad Shoveler or A Texan Moves to Wisconsin ~

December 8: 6:00 P.M. It started to snow The first snowfall

of the season. The wife and I took our cocktails and sat for

hours by the window watching the huge snowflakes drift down

from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic.

We felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white

snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic

sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?

Moving here was the best idea I have ever had! Shoveled for

the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both

our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow

came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the

driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry. We will

definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would

be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,

that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that is

possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Eight degrees last night.

The temperature dropped to minus twenty. The cold makes

everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I

warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is

the life! The snowplow came back in the afternoon and buried

everything again. I didn't realize that I would have to do

quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in

shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so much.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a

4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra

snow shovels. Stocked the freezer too. The wife wants a wood

stove in case the electricity goes out. I think she is silly.

After all, we aren't in Alaska.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear on the

ice in the driveway while I was trying to put down salt. Hurt

like ****. The wife laughed for an hour. I think she's very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go

anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the

blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and

try not to irritate her. I guess I should have bought a wood stove,

but I won't admit that to her. God, I hate it when she is right.

Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the

**** stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. ****

snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,

but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they are

lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying

a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March.

I think they're lying. Bob says I will have to shovel or the city

will bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13

more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it

probably won't melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all

dressed to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time

I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel.

I tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of

the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And, it warmed up to 0.

The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.

What is she.....nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month

ago. She said she did, but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by the snowplow, I broke

the shovel. I though I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch

the SOB who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow

by his family jewels. I know he hides around the corner and waits

for me to finish shoveling and than he comes down the street at a

100 miles and hour and throws snow all over where I have just been!

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and

open our presents, but I was busy watching for the darn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the darned slop

tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.

God, I hate the snow. Then, the snowplow driver came by and asked

for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife

says I have bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to

watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here?

It was all her idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above-50. Still snowed in. The wife is

driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches of snow. Bob says I have to shovel the

roof or it will collapse. That's the silliest thing I have ever heard.

How dumb does he think I am?????

December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a

million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to

her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what was left of the house. No more

shoveling.

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