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I don't know you either, Joe. But I am very sorry for your loss. Together your dad and mother sound, in your few brief words, like they were enormously happy together, and together they created a loving home for you and your family. And you sound like a very loving son who would have done anything to make your parents happy.

What I have learned in several instances of losing loved ones is to separate what they dreamed for themselves from what I dreamed for them. Your dad died such a short time ago, that it may not be possible for you to separate these right now, and you may not even want to do it yet. Of course, I understand this. But I also know your dad is very excited about being with your Mom in the Golden Rooms of Heaven or on a beautiful outdoor grassy hillside where the clouds float in soft bubbles across a deep blue sky, the ripples of a stream add to the musical sound effects, and your parents are together again and laughing and playing their beloved music, this time for God and His Host of Angels. he is much more excited about this than he would be about going without your mom to Hawaii. However, that trip is also a lovely dream, Joe, and your dad would have loved going with you.

But since your dad didn't know about the plans for this trip, it was your dream for your dad rather than his dream for himself. Your dad's death means that you will never be able to give him this wonderful surprise, nor will you have the memories of that trip to sustain you for the rest of your own life. Not only did you lose your dad, but you also lost the chance to fulfill a very special dream. This is no ordinary dream. It is a once-in-a-lifetime dream of a very special gift which you wanted very badly to give to your dad. So your grief is compounded.

Your dad's death and not being able to go with you on this fantastic trip to Hawaii is your loss of a beautiful dream for your dad, not his dream for himself. That doesn't mean he wouldn't have loved going with you. He would absolutely have loved doing this with you. But it was the doing of something this special with you that he would have loved, much more than just the trip. And based on the obvious love you feel for your dad, you must have done many special things with him through the years. Those mattered tremendously to him. Now, however, in honor of your dad, one thought is that you might know one of his old friends with whom he would have loved to share a trip like this, and you could ask him to go with you in honor of your dad. If you do this, don't forget why you are doing it. Take lots of pictures. Visit every volcano, the sugar cane plantations, the American ships still in the harbor. Spend time under a palm tree on a beach sipping fru-fru umbrella drinks, go to listen to Hawiian music, and make it everything your dad would have loved.

To explain why I suggest this, let me tell you a story. When I was four years old, I went to live with my aunt and uncle. He was a rugged old Arkie, even then. WWII had started, and Dad (the name I later called him) was going in a couple weeks to Europe to serve as a tank driver under General Patton. I remember that he was home over our shared birthday, July 26th, and my aunt had a huge outdoor birthday party for both of us. Dad left and was gone for two years. I was still a little 5-year old girl and I really didn't know my aunt and uncle, and I certainly didn't know what it meant to go to war, so I thought that when I started school that autum, it was a bigger deal than was my dad going to war. Two years passed, and Dad came home safely with four bronze stars, having been in four major campaigns, one of which was the Battle of the Bulge. When he got home, he got a job as an Arkansas State Game Warden. He went to Little Rock for training, and when he came home, he brought birthstone rings for my sister and me. My younger sister promptly lost hers, but I wore tape and sometimes string, anything around the band to keep it on my finger. I wore it all the years of my childhood, and even as a young mother when I was washing my own babies' diapers. But it got frail, the band thin, so I eventually put it away, planning to get it repaired someday. But as things go, I put it off and did other things, until many years later, when my dad died. A few weeks later, I received the little check that was my half of the summation of all Dad's worldy goods, the closing of his estate. I carried that check in my wallet for several weeks because I just couldn't bring myself to cash it.

It felt like I was cashing out my Dad's life. But one evening, I went to a litlte neighborhood bar where I ran into a friend. As we talked, I told him about the check. And here is what he said.

"You cash that check, Fran. And you put the money in the bank. Then you think of something very special as a gift to you from your dad, and go buy it. Once you do that, the rest of that money will just be money" So that is what I did. I went shopping and bought another birthstone ring as a gift from my dad. I thought, "Dad and I shared the same birthday, and that good man rode into my life with one birthstone ring, so he can just ride out of my life with another one." It truly was a very special gift from my dad to me, and I still wear it today. oh, and my friend was right: the rest of that money was just money.

My point is, if you go ahead and take that trip or do something special in some way that honors your dad, you will be able to put that trip into perspective, and then it will be easier to go on with your life. Furthermore, if you go to Hawaii, or to the coast of Alaska, or even to the Santa Monica Pier, you will feel like you are honoring your dad and that he is with you the entire time you are there. And he will be. They know about us, what we are feeling and doing, and why, and he will be just as proud of you if you simply make it work for you now. He will know it's for him, anyway.

What I have said here is just for you to think about, not to decide right now. It is far too soon to make this decision. If it's too soon for you to even hear about it, I apologize. I know each thing has its own time, and I am truly sorry if I rushed you about this in any way. But if you find that you need closure regarding that trip, then you have a choice, and I would bet that your dad will be along for the ride the enitre time, wherever you go.

Meantime, please accept my heartfelt condolences. As you know by now, I, too, lost my dad, and such losses are painful. You will miss him. Just be easy on yourself. He would want that.

Take care,

Fran

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Man that's Rough, I feel for you Brother! Hang in there. Your parents are at peace and are smiling down upon you with all their love and Pride!

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Joe P, I too share in your loss as my father passed away in 2007. My mother still lives and because of her failing health I have decided to bring her to live with me so I can help her live her life out peacefully and with a measure of happiness. My father would have wanted it that way, so I'm showing the utmost respect to both him and her in doing so. My heartfelt prayers are with you in your sorrow.

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So sorry to hear that Joe... I too have lost both my parents. I went through something similar with my mom when we lost her.. so many hopes and dreams never came to pass, and looking at it in the natural it will never happen. But... in true reality... your parents are living in your heart, and every day that you conquer life... they get to cheer you on. It is not in vain Joe... and someday you will see how proud they are of you for going on when it may have gotten tough.

Don't beat yourself up about should you have told them or not... you can't go back, and most likely... as the old song goes... "farther along we'll know more about it.... farther along we will understand why"... your not there yet so don't sweat it, but someday you will understand better, and I believe with God's help you will find peace in the midst of this storm. Praying for ya! Take care!

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To all DV family members,

The posts, heartwarming stories, similar testimonials, blessings, and prayers are so nice. I am completely grateful. And equally speechless.

Joe P.

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As you can see, we really are a family here - reaching out to one in need. You, Joe P, are loved by many here on DV - even if you've never even met us. We are here to help share your burden of pain and sorrow and get you through this very difficult time. Prayers are being sent your way, friend.

As for making the right decision on not telling your dad about the dinar.......you DID make the right decision as it was in God's plan all along - not yours. :)

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I am sorry to hear of your loss Joe. It is very difficult to lose one's parents. When this RV's, and you go on your vacation.....play "Proud Mary", they will be there.

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Joe it broke my heart to read your post. I know exactly how you feel. I am truly sorry for your loss. When you do visit Hawaii, find the most beautiful place there, breathe it all in, and feel your parents smiling down on you. Trust me, you will feel it. You have another angel looking out for you now. You did what you thought was best with the best of intentions, so please forgive yourself for wanting to surprise your Dad.

My prayers are with you and your family.

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I am sorry to hear of your loss Joe. It is very difficult to lose one's parents. When this RV's, and you go on your vacation.....play "Proud Mary", they will be there.

Oh, Zig!! You are absolutely right!! They wil be smiling as he plays "their" song and remembers them with love.

And Joe, this way they will both be there. Your dad will have your mom with him, both of them smiling, while you listen to "their" song.

I don't know you either, Joe. But I am very sorry for your loss. Together your dad and mother sound, in your few brief words, like they were enormously happy together, and together they created a loving home for you and your family. And you sound like a very loving son who would have done anything to make your parents happy.

What I have learned in several instances of losing loved ones is to separate what they dreamed for themselves from what I dreamed for them. Your dad died such a short time ago, that it may not be possible for you to separate these right now, and you may not even want to do it yet. Of course, I understand this. But I also know your dad is very excited about being with your Mom in the Golden Rooms of Heaven or on a beautiful outdoor grassy hillside where the clouds float in soft bubbles across a deep blue sky, the ripples of a stream add to the musical sound effects, and your parents are together again and laughing and playing their beloved music, this time for God and His Host of Angels. he is much more excited about this than he would be about going without your mom to Hawaii. However, that trip is also a lovely dream, Joe, and your dad would have loved going with you.

But since your dad didn't know about the plans for this trip, it was your dream for your dad rather than his dream for himself. Your dad's death means that you will never be able to give him this wonderful surprise, nor will you have the memories of that trip to sustain you for the rest of your own life. Not only did you lose your dad, but you also lost the chance to fulfill a very special dream. This is no ordinary dream. It is a once-in-a-lifetime dream of a very special gift which you wanted very badly to give to your dad. So your grief is compounded.

Your dad's death and not being able to go with you on this fantastic trip to Hawaii is your loss of a beautiful dream for your dad, not his dream for himself. That doesn't mean he wouldn't have loved going with you. He would absolutely have loved doing this with you. But it was the doing of something this special with you that he would have loved, much more than just the trip. And based on the obvious love you feel for your dad, you must have done many special things with him through the years. Those mattered tremendously to him. Now, however, in honor of your dad, one thought is that you might know one of his old friends with whom he would have loved to share a trip like this, and you could ask him to go with you in honor of your dad. If you do this, don't forget why you are doing it. Take lots of pictures. Visit every volcano, the sugar cane plantations, the American ships still in the harbor. Spend time under a palm tree on a beach sipping fru-fru umbrella drinks, go to listen to Hawiian music, and make it everything your dad would have loved.

To explain why I suggest this, let me tell you a story. When I was four years old, I went to live with my aunt and uncle. He was a rugged old Arkie, even then. WWII had started, and Dad (the name I later called him) was going in a couple weeks to Europe to serve as a tank driver under General Patton. I remember that he was home over our shared birthday, July 26th, and my aunt had a huge outdoor birthday party for both of us. Dad left and was gone for two years. I was still a little 5-year old girl and I really didn't know my aunt and uncle, and I certainly didn't know what it meant to go to war, so I thought that when I started school that autum, it was a bigger deal than was my dad going to war. Two years passed, and Dad came home safely with four bronze stars, having been in four major campaigns, one of which was the Battle of the Bulge. When he got home, he got a job as an Arkansas State Game Warden. He went to Little Rock for training, and when he came home, he brought birthstone rings for my sister and me. My younger sister promptly lost hers, but I wore tape and sometimes string, anything around the band to keep it on my finger. I wore it all the years of my childhood, and even as a young mother when I was washing my own babies' diapers. But it got frail, the band thin, so I eventually put it away, planning to get it repaired someday. But as things go, I put it off and did other things, until many years later, when my dad died. A few weeks later, I received the little check that was my half of the summation of all Dad's worldy goods, the closing of his estate. I carried that check in my wallet for several weeks because I just couldn't bring myself to cash it.

It felt like I was cashing out my Dad's life. But one evening, I went to a litlte neighborhood bar where I ran into a friend. As we talked, I told him about the check. And here is what he said.

"You cash that check, Fran. And you put the money in the bank. Then you think of something very special as a gift to you from your dad, and go buy it. Once you do that, the rest of that money will just be money" So that is what I did. I went shopping and bought another birthstone ring as a gift from my dad. I thought, "Dad and I shared the same birthday, and that good man rode into my life with one birthstone ring, so he can just ride out of my life with another one." It truly was a very special gift from my dad to me, and I still wear it today. oh, and my friend was right: the rest of that money was just money.

My point is, if you go ahead and take that trip or do something special in some way that honors your dad, you will be able to put that trip into perspective, and then it will be easier to go on with your life. Furthermore, if you go to Hawaii, or to the coast of Alaska, or even to the Santa Monica Pier, you will feel like you are honoring your dad and that he is with you the entire time you are there. And he will be. They know about us, what we are feeling and doing, and why, and he will be just as proud of you if you simply make it work for you now. He will know it's for him, anyway.

What I have said here is just for you to think about, not to decide right now. It is far too soon to make this decision. If it's too soon for you to even hear about it, I apologize. I know each thing has its own time, and I am truly sorry if I rushed you about this in any way. But if you find that you need closure regarding that trip, then you have a choice, and I would bet that your dad will be along for the ride the enitre time, wherever you go.

Meantime, please accept my heartfelt condolences. As you know by now, I, too, lost my dad, and such losses are painful. You will miss him. Just be easy on yourself. He would want that.

Take care,

Fran

Oh, my gosh!! I'm sorry. I wrote this, and then thought i simply saved it, not realizing I actually posted it. I would never have sent such a long letter in such circumstances. Joe, please accept my apology. I meant what I wrote, but just didn't plan to actually post it. And then Zig wrote the same thing in two sentences. haha Thanks, Zig. :)

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QUOTE --> so that I could share this blessing with family members. Most of them don't have large resources, and have such limited monthly income from social security. With this event I will improve their lives and take them places. Obviously, I'm speaking financially. <--QUOTE

I would say (the above) is why you will be blessed, no matter RV, or no RV.

QUOTE --> I have such regret from not sharing. Maybe if I shared he would have held on longer, <-- QUOTE

You should NEVER second guess or feel guilty for what you can not control.

Your first quote above proves you DO NOT DESERVE to blam yourself. You are a good person.

Your Dad has done a great job, he should and I'm positive he is VERY proud of you. . . .

WITH OR WITHOUT your sharing the RV. wink.gif

May you feel the comfort of Gods arms around you and your loved ones.

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Oh, Zig!! You are absolutely right!! They wil be smiling as he plays "their" song and remembers them with love.

And Joe, this way they will both be there. Your dad will have your mom with him, both of them smiling, while you listen to "their" song.

Oh, my gosh!! I'm sorry. I wrote this, and then thought i simply saved it, not realizing I actually posted it. I would never have sent such a long letter in such circumstances. Joe, please accept my apology. I meant what I wrote, but just didn't plan to actually post it. And then Zig wrote the same thing in two sentences. haha Thanks, Zig. :)

I was influenced by you.....I love the way you write Fran.

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Lots of emotions running rapidly thru me right now.

I have waited so long for the RV so that I could share this blessing with family members. Most of them don't have large resources, and have such limited monthly income from social security. With this event I will improve their lives and take them places. Obviously, I'm speaking financially.

Now that dream for him has ended. He won't see Hawaii. He won't have unlimited funds to ease burdens.

He is with mom now. They are back together playing "Fink" and "Eucher". Laughing. He's playing guitar while mom sings a beautiful ballad...probably "Proud Mary". I bet that's the first one they play.

If any of you are in situations like this. Have kept this dream quiet so you can surprise them. Perhaps you should re think the plan. I have such regret from not sharing. Maybe if I shared he would have held on longer, or something to look forward to. Maybe I was wrong keeping this quiet.

Some of you know me. You know I have very deep connections. And most know I went off the grid last June because I needed to spend more time with my family. Well the ironic twist to all of this, is he missed the RV by such a short period of time. How friggin sad...how sad.

If you have loved ones you're planning on helping. Make sure you stay very connected, because in a blink of an eye it can change. It changed for me today...and I am not ready for it.

Best,

Joe P

Ahhh...that sucks...I told my Mom and she got some. Gives her hope and something to look forward to. Hopefully she will remain in great health until this whole thing plays out. Sometimes just having the extra hope keeps you going.

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Joe . . . I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad . . . I am praying for you! God sees the intent of the heart so it is the same as if it happened! Your dad is in the presence of the Master and is in need of nothing!!! I am not underestimating your disappointment or pain but to remind you that as Christians, we walk in the Spirit, not in the natural!

May HE give you peace . . . Like only HE can do!!! You passed the test, Joe and I expect that you will be promoted in the Kingdom of God!

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Joe, I send my condolences to you also.

Words can never express the deepness of a loss one, but just know that God has both your parents in His loving arms.

May the peace of Our Lord dwell in your heart.:)

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Joe P,

I am very sad for your loss and you are in my prayers. You must know they are safe and in the lords arms and will never feel emptiness , sorrow, anger, death or sickness again. They are waiting for you Joe, your mother and father and one day you all will be reunited and as a family again in the kingdom of GOD. Ask the lord in these trying times to comfort you and accept what the Lord has done and trust in him and everything will be fine. The loss of loved ones are never easy, but we must know they are in a better place and one day this earth will pass away and there will be a new day where our lord and savior will reign.

Yeah, Joe, our hearts hurt for your loss and I think easy said it well and better than I could articulate it. Amen.

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Joe, sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.

Dads are wonderful aren't they? They are the ones that teach you to go out into the world and make your mark.

Both of my parents are gone now and I had hoped they would have been here to see the greatness of this blessing.

Take care and know he will experience your joy, just in a different way now.

Goldiegirl

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So sorry for your loss, Joe.

I believe we are spiritual beings in a physical body, so that when we leave our physical bodies behind and cross over, we immediately know and understand everything we questioned, every secret, every misunderstanding from our time in our physical body.

Your Dad knows of your loving surprise. Don't be afraid to ask him for help and guidance in your life. He is still your loving father and always will be there for you. From the darkness will come his answer. Have faith in what the Lord has promised..you will be together again. Listen to your Mom and Dad. They know EVERYTHING.

I will keep you and your family in my daily prayers ..that you gain strength from the love you know surrounds you.

and that you understand why this happened Now...

Laura

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Joe, just remember that your dad is only one thought away, the love that you feel for him will never go away. Keep all the special moments close to your heart,

and let them bring smiles instead of tears. God loves you, and he loves your dad also. God Bless You in your time of sorrow.

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I Pray that the good Lord Jesus craddles your Family in His Loving arms and gives You Peace,

rest assured that both Your parents are indeed in Heaven now and entertaining the Lord.

God Bless You all! :rolleyes:

couldnt have said it better, Again God Bless Joe

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JoeP, it is good that you can now reach out after the passing of your father. It is a sign that healing and readjusting are starting. Parents who loved their children might say, as you should. Heaven is great as your Mom and I know. Live life well and do as I hope you will with the dinar when it does rv. We have talked so much about what that could and should mean. Don't hate anyone or anything for the timing of things.

The friend that got me into the dinar past away also last year. Leaving behind a loving family including a young son. I cried at his funeral. Hang in there buddy.

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