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Found 6 results

  1. Was going to post under the snowflakes thread, but had to give this from The Peoples Cube a thread of it's own...DM Militant snowflake: new insignia for social justice warrior Red Square 12/24/2016, 9:04 pm Dear social justice warriors! You have so outgrown the old hammer and sickle emblem, it's not even funny. The working class has betrayed you and can no longer be trusted. Your new broad coalition is proactively writing a new narrative of safe spaces, microaggressions, dog whistles, snow jobs, institutionalized rapism, and climate denyism. Your community organizers have succeeded in creating a spectacular movement of snowflakes who they hope will one day solidify into an impenetrable iceberg that will sink the Titanic of capitalism. And yet you're still struggling to create an emblem you could put on your armbands, banners, and social media icons. We hope this design will stick. Your movement deserves an original catchy symbol. This emblem will look great on flag an armband, adding a nice touch to your school's interior and exterior. Put it on your signs during your next campaign of Jew-hatred at your favorite campus. You can even wear it as you harass passengers you don't like on your flight to San Francisco, and no one will dare take you off the plane once they see your official SJW status. And feel free to use the SafeSeating™ sign we have made for you earlier. If you are wearing a safety pin to symbolize your struggle for safety over hate, try wearing four safety pins at once and watch your message get amplified exponentially. There's safety in numbers! Be fashionable and raise everyone's awareness by wearing this tasteful arrangement. Ushanka tip to PCDavidD for sending us his creative safety pin design.
  2. Lack of hate crimes at all-time high Fhalkyn WASHINGTON, DC - This morning a protest was held on the steps of the Capitol, voicing disapproval of the fact that hate crimes against minorities, women, and homosexuals are so rare as to be nonexistent. The largely peaceful demonstration went on for several hours and dispersed after nobody paid much attention to them."This is a really traumatizing event for me," said one male participant who asked only to be identified as a woman. "My entire life, my identity, my very being is built around me being a member of a downtrodden and oppressed minority. If I'm not oppressed and downtrodden, then what am I? Nothing."Another woman participant, who asked only to be identified as an eighty-six-year-old male Hispanic preschooler, broke down crying. She wanted to know how she could pay off her student debt, which is currently sitting at around $106,000 for getting a degree in Transgender Studies. "I had my whole life planned out," she said between sobs. "I thought I'd sue some corporation for millions for not offering me a job - or if it gave me a job, I'd sue for discrimination. But every time I tried, my cases got thrown out of court for lack of evidence."Many had to be removed to their designated safe spaces to cope, with some staying there for up to three hours trying to come to terms with the fact that most Americans simply didn't care that the protesters thought they were special.Others decided to take a more proactive stance. "We can't let this culture of indifference stop us," said an older Caucasian woman, who identifies as a young black male of the Black Lives Matter movement. "If average Americans aren't going to commit hate crimes against us, then we have to commit the crimes against us ourselves and then use that in our campaign to make Americans care!" She then proceeded to cite several instances of hoaxes used to further their cause. When someone pointed out that all of those hoaxes were proven to be just that, she scoffed: "Well of course! The investigations themselves serve as proof that discrimination and phobias are rampant among Americans."In the course of the demonstration, the anti-hate protesters accosted several perplexed pedestrians, demanding to know why these passersby hated them so much. They were further confused by the apparent lack of hatred towards them, as the most common answer was, "Who are these people and why should I care what they think they are?" - See more at: http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/lack-of-hate-crimes-at-all-time-high-t17866.html#.dpuf
  3. ~ ~ ~ SATIRE ~ ~ ~ Republicans mentally rape Dem voters with Hildabeast scandals Red Square With more of Hillarious’s emails being exposed to the nation's mindset, certain previously suppressed memories begin to emerge out of the subconscious, causing us to doubt her ability to control our reality. We were not supposed to know or care about Hillarious's ties to Sid Blumenthal. It was for our own good that we didn't remember who this man was. We were all better off thinking and feeling only what Hillarious wanted us to think and feel. Now that the Republicans have ruined this blissful relationship, we begin to feel disturbed by unsolicited facts and unauthorized memories that lead us to question our trusted Democratic leaders. In what can only be described as mental breaking and entering, the Republicans brutally drag us outside of our safe spaces and repeatedly penetrate us with facts, inseminating us with unwanted ideas, and causing us to perform painful intellectual abortions. This effectively makes us victims of non-consensual mental rape. The harm becomes obvious already as we begin to wonder, how come Hillarious couldn't protect us from these traumatic facts? Has she lost touch and is no longer all-powerful, allowing the Republicans to send an information tsunami into our previously safe seas of controlled tranquility? Our sanity depends on knowing that all the faults, lies, and malevolence can only be found among the Republicans. All we want from our news sources is information about how the Republicans made our planet too hot by melting the glaciers out of capitalist greed and racist anger at minorities who live in extreme climates. Any attempts by the Republicans to disprove these beliefs automatically qualify them as climate deniers and mental rapists, thus reinforcing our emotional well-being. We know that the Republicans have made the world unsafe by exposing what really happened in Benghazi, instead of believing, like the rest of us, in the story about the offensive YouTube video. What difference does it make what really happened? If we could forget, we could live in peace. If the Republicans didn't prevent us from suppressing the memory of 9/11 and subsequent attacks on America, we would have continued to live in peace with the Muslim world. But the Republicans don't want peace, they want wars. We could have had peace with Iran if the Republicans didn't expose the discrepancies of the Iranian treaty. We could be free of fear of terrorist attacks if the Republicans didn't mention them all the time, exposing the religion of those who commit workplace violence. If the Republicans didn't expose the secrets about Bill Clinton’s affairs, Hillarious would not have been forced to cover them up and to attack the female victims. This, in turn, would not have weakened her position on women's issues and would not have immunized Donald Trump against her accusations of him being a sexist male chauvinist pig. If the Republicans didn't say the words "Radical Islam," there would be no al-Qaeda, Taliban, Boko Haram, Muslim Brotherhood, Hamas, Hezbollah, or ISIS. Syria would be a peaceful nation, Iran would not have developed the bomb, and Saudi Arabia would not have killed the Sheikh. We need a leader who will keep us safe in our comfort zones by controlling our reality and protecting us from traumatic memories. We need to continue to believe and question nothing. Is that so much to ask? Thank you for reading this non-pro-Hillarious article. -------------- Special thanks to Comrade Hammer and Loupe for additional reporting http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/republicans-mentally-rape-democrat-voters-with-Hillarious-scandals-t17386.html
  4. Satirical Ted Cruz Campaign Commercial to Air During SNL - TONIGHT By P.J. Gladnick How does a political candidate air a campaign commercial during Saturday Night Live? If it is too serious, it goes against the mood of the target audience. However, if the commercial tries to be funny but is lame, it would be subject to understandable mockery. Well, Senator Ted Cruz went all out with a humorous commercial to air during SNL tonight. It is a satirical takeoff on his reading of a Dr. Seuss story on the floor of the Senate while pulling an all nighter to speak against Obamacare. I think the commercial came off as good (or better) as most SNL skits but watch below and judge for yourself. The Independent Journal Review provided some background about the commercial: Hope you’re ready for a campy Ted Cruz Christmas parody meets infomercial meets sanctioned campaign ad. The Texas Senator and 2016 presidential candidate will play the above ad in crucial Iowa TV markets during this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” broadcast, according to Cruz Press Secretary Catherine Frazier. Cruz is no stranger to non-traditional campaigning, he has cooked bacon on the end of a machine gun and performed full-throated “Princess Bride” impressions on the trail in 2016. The above video features Cruz reading to his two daughters, along with his wife, in a traditional Christmas setting. However, the Christmas tales he tells are political satire. Judging from many of the readers' comments on YouTube, others found the commercial to be funny as well: "Hey, it's no secret, I'm going for Marco Rubio​; but ya gotta give credit where credit is due. Ted Cruz​ gets all the credit, or at least a good portion of it, for making this video because it's great!" "The Grinch Who Lost Her Emails made me snort my coffee." "EXCELLENT! Kudos to Ted and his family. His daughter has some acting chops"
  5. The Squirrel and The Grasshopper REST OF THE WORLD VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END NOW THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, The Greens, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The ABC, interrupting an cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing 'We Shall Overcome'. Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre. In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders,for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians' apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make them return to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards. A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'Illness'. The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers. Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia. The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds. This then, pretty much sums up what's happening in Australia today, and we are called the "Lucky country" !!??
  6. 2019: The Future of Doctors Under Obama Universal Coverage for Health (O.U.C.H.) The year was 2019, in the third term of the Reign of Obama the Secular. Owing to an extreme left wing Supreme Court stacked with four Obama appointees, who managed to declare the United States Constitution itself unconstitutional to the extent that it limited the ability of the Great One to serve no more than two terms, Obama was well on his way to becoming the first President since Roosevelt to be elected to four terms. A generation that voted for free stuff in 2008, 2012, and 2016 begat another generation of voters who wanted free stuff. In time, the number of voters expecting free stuff—and knowing they would get it from Uncle Sugar—reached a tipping point. They soon outnumbered those who worked, paid taxes, and created jobs. For the next decade they continued to vote for politicians who promised free stuff. Of course, this ensured that the King of Free Stuff, Obama the Secular—who never met a government program he did not like—would be re-elected for life. By 2019, the government had acquired Government Motors—which produced the Obamobile—a tinny scaled-down, politically correct Smart Car powered by chicken manure, which got 150 miles per gallon and rode two people and one sack of groceries comfortably. If you did not hit anything harder that a marshmallow, did not want to ride farther than ten miles, and did not need to carry anything, the Obamobile was great—and guaranteed not to crush you in an impact less than 5 miles per hour. The government also owned the press, which had willingly volunteered to merge into a new federal agency comprised of ABC, MSNBC, CBS, NBC, named “The Department of ObaMedia,” whose mission it was to announce the whereabouts and accomplishments of the Great Leader, do Obama Infomercials and feed the people news as to any new government controls on their lives. All banks were nationalized and combined into one mega bank—“ObamaNational.” Slowly, imperceptibly, the government chipped away at individual freedoms until, in time, there was very little not controlled by the government. Obama’s official motto for the Socialist States of America: “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs” was ratified by Congress years earlier—at the same time the name of the country was changed by Executive Order. “In God We Trust” was deemed too offensive by those who either had no religion or were worried that atheists might be insulted. The new motto suited those who wanted free stuff just fine; however for those in the minority who worked hard, created wealth and jobs, paid taxes and financed the hungry beast known as the socialist federal government, it was not such a great thing. Soon the country was running out of people who created wealth and had a surplusage of people wanting free stuff. Paying 80% of your income to the government was not such a good deal any longer. Those who still wanted to work, had to work two or three jobs to make ends meet and pay for free stuff. But by far the largest segment of the federal budget—health care—drained the country more than anything else. Years earlier, Congress—stacked with people elected by people wanting free stuff—passed what was in retrospect the ruination of the former United States of America: “Obama Universal Coverage for Health” (O.U.C.H.). Under O.U.C.H. employers were forced to provide health insurance coverage for their employees or pay a large fine for not doing so. Those who did not have jobs were automatically eligible for O.U.C.H. benefits. Those who worked for a living but could not afford private insurance and lured by the promise of a “low cost” [sic] government health care plan, elected to sign up for ObamaCare. In time private insurers could not compete with the low premiums charged by the government (and underwritten by the minority of working people who paid their taxes to the government to support anyone who wanted free stuff). Nor could the private insurers comply with the complex requirements of O.U.C.H. or the federal regulations prescribing what the private insurers could pay the dwindling number of medical doctors still in practice. The Single Payer System—which was Obama’s goal all along—had arrived, and few private insurers survived. Black market medicine was rampant and the most highly qualified doctors who remained in practice charged exorbitant premiums to the well to do patients lucky enough to afford medical care. As to the rest, they stood in line for hours hoping to see a doctor—who was paid according to a federally mandated pay scale. In time, under O.U.C.H., premiums were set by federal legislation, medical doctors were compensated according to a strict schedule set by federal law, health care was handed out on a quota system to control costs, and a federal agency (D.E.A.T.H.) (Division of Euthanasia And Triage of Humans) determined who was worthy, and young enough, for heroic health measures. The no frills government plan was attractive to many—at first. In time, because private insurers were driven out of business, there was no insurance but the O.U.C.H. policy. Despite the promises made by the Great One years earlier, no one could keep their own policy or their own doctors and all were reduced to the lowest common denominator when it came to health care coverage. If you were not wealthy, by 2019 O.U.C.H was the only thing left. And it was driving the country into bankruptcy. But business was good for Bob’s Plumbing. People needed plumbers. Between remodels and repairs, Bob was doing a thriving business. He was so busy in fact that he needed help. His new hire, William, was pretty good with a wrench. Intelligent, hardworking and possessed of good manual dexterity, he was certainly smart enough to be a successful plumber. Yet he had an attitude. He was a malcontent, who griped about everything. He was tedious, bitchy and got on Bob’s nerves. He clearly did not want to be there—moonlighting for Bob’s Plumbing days and working his regular job nights. Yet, he needed to be there; his regular job was not cutting it any longer. “I didn’t go to school for this,” William whined as he slammed down his tool box and reported for work. Bob was installing a new sink for his customer. He did not have time for William’s bitching. “Yeah,” Bob replied, “but plumbing is a good profession; trades are the place to be. I got more work than I can handle. Imagine that—a high school diploma and I am making more than some of you college boys.” Bob removed the old sink and handed it to his assistant. “All those years of school,” William whined. “And here I am, working two jobs just to make ends meet.” He shook his head. “What were you thinking anyway?” Bob continued. “I bet 90% of your classmates voted for the Great One, didn’t they?” The comment hit home. Bob was right. William and his classmates did indeed vote for the Great Leader—some three times. After all, Obama was young and hip. Voting for him was the thing to do. That they knew nothing about Obama did not bother them in the least. That he was a socialist, whose agenda was to “Remould the world closer to [his] heart’s desire” did not concern them in the least. Little did they know that years later they would pay for it—in ways they never imagined. What were we thinking, indeed, William thought to himself. “Yeah,” William replied, “imagine that—making more as a plumber’s helper than my regular occupation. The government tells us what to charge, what we can make, what we can do, and how much we can do.” “Bummer,” Bob replied, “no one tells a plumber what to charge. It’s whatever the market will bear. I am my own boss. No one from the freaking government tells me what to do.” Bob turned his head and coughed into his sleeve. It was a dry, hacky cough that just never seemed to go away. It was annoying. “Better get that looked at,” William suggested, “that cough doesn’t sound good.” “Wish I could,” Bob lamented, “but reached my quota last week. Been to the doctor six times already this year. Unless I want to pay a big fine. I am done till next year.” “How is your wife?” William inquired. It had been a bad year for Bob. His wife of 40 years had been diagnosed with cancer of the liver. “Not good,” Bob lamented “it is spreading and there is not much they can do.” He was depressed. “Can’t they do anything else for her?” William asked, incredulous. “Nope,” Bob continued, “she appealed to D.E.A.T.H. but they turned her down of course. She is 62 after all. They refused to authorize treatment. They have their priorities you know. So, they gave her pain killers, wished her the best, and sent her out the door. ‘Budget considerations,’ they told us. The cut off was lowered to 62 last year you know. No surgery, no heroic measures. As The Great One once said: “When you get a certain age, you just have to live with it and roll with the punches. We can’t expect to live forever.” I guess the thing than bugs me most is that D.E.A.T.H. thinks 62 is a ripe old age when it comes to dispensing medical care.” “That’s just the way it is I guess,” said William, disgusted. “We have unlimited funds for abortion, and limited funds for seniors. We kill the nearly born and deprive the nearly old. Helps keep down the cost.” The two worked in silence for a few moments, totally dejected. Bob—with his own problems and a 62 year old wife who was too young to die but too old to treat—and William—working two jobs because the job he trained for was not enough to support his young family. Life was not what either had supposed. But there was work to do and Bob was getting tired of thinking about it all. Mostly, he was tired of William’s constant moaning. “Well,” Bob bristled, “if you want to quit, feel free. There are fifty others like you who would love to have this job. You can always go back to your regular job. Your fault after all,” Bob noted. “You could have had a good career; you could have been a plumber or a carpenter. You could have been something. No one forced you to become a vascular surgeon. So, shut up, Doctor, and hand me the wrench!”
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