genx4me

Hahaha...Good one!

Congrats! Way to go. Great job!

Creeeepy! And unnerving. Glad your wife is okay.

Love it!

Haha..this was the joke I put in the contest. It's funny!

Gotta say...I'm tripping on the music. I know I'm showing my age when I say many of these were in 'my day' but I still love listening to them. Thanks all for sharing. Now let's get this RV done! GO RV!!!

Loving the energy and love love love all the tunes. Ahhh, brings back memories!

I LOVE IT!!!

I totally, completely, 100% understand what you are saying!!! Me TOO!

Me too!!!

Way to go MAXI!!! And the joke was really funny!

And I for one am enjoying it too! Also, I'm with you....putting in my request for $4...!!!!! HAHAHA

For those of you who have a lawnmower and want to install an Electric fence: 'what-Not-to-do' is printed below.... If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't Laugh Out Loud at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is a scream......and true. This was sent by a retired dentist. We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 ft. into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all. Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together. It was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand. At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences. But Dad always had those chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 ft. long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in crap, pee, and with my vomit on my chest, I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot. So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day. He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire. I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things: 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted. 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right). 3 - Crap, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think. 4 - My left eye will not open. 5 - My right eye will not close. 6 - The lawnmower runs like a new one now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it is better than new after that. 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long. 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 ( I still don't understand that???). That day changed my life. I now have a new found respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

Welcome sailing. The humor certainly does help!

The Deaf Bookkeeper A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.. Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!" The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the b***s to pull the trigger." Don't you just LOVE lawyers?! Brings tears to your eyes!

Hey...with all the new babies coming....you don't think someone spiked the water do ya??? Yikes!

Well congrats to you too! There's nothing like grandkids.

Crongrats on your first grandchild. They're pretty awesome!!

Congrats Keep. Your world has just shifted! And it's an awesome shift!!!

You quitters are helping me put some money away for my son in the oven!! Thanks in advance!! Congrats on your 'son in the oven' Keep. GO RV!!!

I will go in quietly, take care of the transaction, then go straight home, and change my shorts.... HAHAHA...I am right there with ya!!!

He picks up BLs mike, carries it over to the bar and breaks out in a verse of "stayin alive" by the Bee Gees. The bar goes wild, they're stuffing dollar bills down his top. He is so caught up in the moment he forgets his margarita. Finally he comes to at the first aid station on the beach. Groggy he reaches for his drink and pours it down. He smiles and passes back out. Here little pink piggy piggy Some of you guys have the BEST imaginatons ever! It makes my day reading this stuff!

Love this!

That was great...Loved it!