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smee2

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Everything posted by smee2

  1. Just looking at the title of your posting, not even reading what is sure to be some form of pseudo patriotic, partisan, muckraking garbage in the article, just looking at the title ... GUN VIOLENCE IS THE DEMOCRAT'S PROBLEM ... That is absolute Bull Shot ... Considering that gun violence takes lives, and changes lives, of ordinary people like you and me ... Gun Violence is EVERYONE'S PROBLEM smee2
  2. And just what would you have him do? Even is he could do something, on foreign soil, and military ... most of you guys who are dumping on him for doing "nothing" when he cannot do anything anyway, would be dumping on him for doing what he would have done ... on foreign soil, and military. Face it, there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, that President Obama would or could do that you would agree with. smee2
  3. Dinar RV ... As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, waiting without end ... dare I say Amen? smee2
  4. This just showed up in my inbox and I actually chuckled ... me ... really, me ... at joke I would have to rate M for Mature. Oh well, there may be some out there who will enjoy. If you don't ... well ... you were warned in the title A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was ***, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you
  5. I was told I was diabetic a few years ago. And I did the finger poking and blood testing every day. The numbers were always good and never fit the diabetic profile ... even when I was eating the kind of food that a diabetic should get very sick or die from. But even though I was not exhibiting the signs of diabetes I developed painful toes, sometimes almost the entire foot would tingle and hurt and keep me from being able to lie still because it felt like my feet were bound in something, like a surgical bandage. Once the doctor said I had diabetic neuropathy I was given a prescription to take. It is called GABAPENTIN ... and you can google it and see what it is good for. As with all medications they list the side effects but I have not had any. When I was in hospital for almost a month when I broke my back last September, because I was taking Gabapentin (it was in the list of my daily medications) they assumed I was diabetic and started poking my finger. I was not eating anything a diabetic should concentrate on, in fact my friend would come a visit and bring me a multipack of mild chocolate bars every day. I ate chocolate for a week, and lots of sugar in my tea ... all the bad stuff. A week after the finger poking the hospital doctor came in and told me that the doctors in the hospital had reviewed my case and determined I was NOT diabetic. I cheered! I had been trying to tell my doctor that for a long time. So, it is not just diabetics who suffer from what you are suffering from and I know it is painful. When I don't take my gabapentin my feet remind me of it. Hope this might have helped some. smee2
  6. I would sort of like to see the reaction of the guy who thought up the "rape is better than the ultimate defense alternative" was more justifiable than the "shoot the bastard in the nuts" theory, when HE is the one who has his pants down around his ankles and is bent over whatever is handy and the guy behind him has a gun to his head. Yup ... I'd like to see what he would do. smee2
  7. Just dropped by to see what kind of crazy was currently being written and read here and WOW ... the real deal COCOA ... SUPER WOW! Growing up where the winters are really cold and snow very deep and getting to work, or school, or home again was quite often and challenge and frequently impossible ... my mom used hot cocoa as the warm up before leaving and again when arriving home. I was about three when she first allowed me to kneel on dad's chair at the kitchen table and stir the cup until he got there for breakfast. She would put cocoa, and sugar (sometimes brown but usually white) and some milk, or cream in the cup ... enough so that you had to stir it up and make almost a roux with it. Then when dad arrived at the table and sat down mom would fill the cup with boiling water and he would stir it up for himself. But the memory of being allowed to "make" his cocoa on cold winter mornings will be a happy one for me for ever. Oh the vanilla ... Dad taught me to make real coffee ... in a percolator on the stove top ... remember those? ... glass with a metal stand in the middle with a basket on top for the coffee? Anyway, once it was all set up, he taught me to put a little vanilla in the water. Even when mom went to the new craze, the Melita coffee system, we would put vanilla in dad's coffee after it was through the filter. And it wasn't until then, and I was in my teens and still made dad's hot cocoa for him, that he told me that when he had hot cocoa at home, as a kid himself, his mom put vanilla in it, and it was really good, but something special because in those days I guess you didn't get the inexpensive artificial vanilla, but used the real deal. And in those days ... both world wars days ... sometimes getting vanilla was difficult, rationing and all that. So dad hadn't taught mom to do that for him, thinking it was too expensive. Well, by the time I was doing some baking myself, and I knew that even the genuine vanilla wasn't so expensive, I started putting it in his cocoa and man, what a difference it made. Sometimes a bit of cinnamon was added too, but the vanilla is the real deal in making a great difference. If you haven't tried it, and don't want to go to the trouble of the recipe posted here, just try putting a little vanilla in your version of hot cocoa or even the store bought hot chocolate mix. It does make a difference! Thanks for posting, and giving me a chance to reminisce. Love it. smee2
  8. WHY WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS!! > > > > The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't > > been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just > > another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a > > reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had > > been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when > > the door opened and a homeless man stepped through. > > > > Instead of throwing the man out, Old George as he was known by his > > customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up. > > "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see > > you're busy, I'll just go." > > > > "Not without something hot in your belly." George said. > > > > He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the > > stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew ... Made it > > myself. When you're done, there's coffee and it's fresh." > > > > Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse > > me, be right back," George said. There in the driveway was an old '53 > > Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front.. The driver was panicked. > > "Mister can you help me!" said the driver, with a deep Spanish accent. > > "My wife is with child and my car is broken." George opened the hood. > > It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold, the car was dead. > > > > "You ain't going in this thing," George said as he turned away. > > > > "But Mister, please help ..." The door of the office closed behind > > George as he went inside. He went to the office wall and got the keys > > to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, > > opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the > > couple was waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best > > thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good." > > > > George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off > > into the night. He turned and walked back inside the office. "Glad I > > gave 'em the truck, their tires were shot too. That 'ol truck has brand > > new ones ." George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man > > had gone. The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup > > beside it. "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George > > thought. > > > > George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It > > cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the > > truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. > > Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered that the block hadn't > > cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I > > can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on. > > > > "Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took > > the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln. They were like new and > > he wasn't going to drive the car anyway. > > > > As he was working, he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and > > beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from > > the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Please help me." > > > > George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had > > received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. > > "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The uniform company had > > been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those > > and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey, they say duct tape can fix > > anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease. > > > > "Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used > > for his back. "These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and > > gave the policeman the pills. "You hang in there, I'm going to get you > > an ambulance." > > > > The phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there > > talk box out in your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had > > gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio. > > > > He went back in to find the policeman sitting up. "Thanks," said the > > officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still > > in the area." > > > > George sat down beside him, "I would never leave an injured man in the > > Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to > > check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right > > through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think > > with time your gonna be right as rain." > > > > George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked. > > > > "None for me," said the officer.. > > > > "Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city. Too bad I ain't got no > > donuts." The officer laughed and winced at the same time. > > > > The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a > > gun. "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand > > was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like > > this before. > > > > "That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer. > > > > "Son, why are you doing this?" asked George, "You need to put the > > cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt." > > > > The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too. > > Now give me the cash!" > > > > The cop was reaching for his gun. "Put that thing away," George said to > > the cop, "we got one too many in here now." > > > > He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If > > you need money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got. Now > > put that pea shooter away." > > > > George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, > > reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man > > released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. "I'm > > not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my > > wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job, my rent is due, my car > > got repossessed last week." > > > > George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze > > now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the > > best we can." > > > > He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across > > from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the young > > man a cup of coffee. "Bein' stupid is one of the things that makes us > > human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and > > get warm and we'll sort this thing out." > > > > The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I > > shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer." > > > > "Shut up and drink your coffee " the cop said. > > > > George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an > > ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns > > drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer. > > > > "Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?" > > > > "GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?" > > the other cop asked as he approached the young man. > > > > Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just > > dropped his gun and ran." > > > > George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. > > > > "That guy work here?" the wounded cop continued. > > > > "Yep," George said, "just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job." > > > > The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young > > man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?" > > > > Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy ... and you too, George, and > > thanks for everything." > > > > "Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to > > solve some of your problems." > > > > George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a > > ring box. "Here you go, something for the little woman. I don't think > > Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day." > > > > The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever > > saw. "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to > > you." > > > > "And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my > > memories. That's all I need." > > > > George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck > > appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to > > sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours." > > > > The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the > > old man had handed him earlier. > > > > "And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that > > too," George said. "Now git home to your family." > > > > The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here > > in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good." > > > > "Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after." > > > > George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd > > you come from? I thought you left?" > > > > "I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger. "You > > say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?" > > > > "Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn't see what all the > > bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine > > tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by > > myself and besides I was gettin' a little chubby." > > > > The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate > > the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I > > was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will > > become a great doctor. > > > > The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed > > by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich > > man and not take any for himself. "That is the spirit of the season and > > you keep it as good as any man." > > > > George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you > > know all this?" asked the old man. > > > > "Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And > > when your days are done you will be with Martha again." > > > > The stranger moved toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I > > have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration > > planned." > > > > George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the > > stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to > > fill the room. > > > > "You see, George ... it's My birthday. Merry Christmas." > > > > George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus" > > This story is better than any greeting card. > > MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS! > > > > Now clear the lump from your throat, blow your nose, and send this > > along to a friend of yours or someone who may need a reminder as to why > > we celebrate Christmas. > > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Season's Greetings to You and Your Loved Ones My wishes and prayers are the same ... that you will celebrate the birth of the Christ child, as well as the end of one more year, and the beginning of yet another new year, in Happiness and Health, Prosperity and Peace. smee2
  9. Sorry about the title of this being screwed up ... I canot find the way to edit it. I have edit access to the page but not the title. I may never find the right way to do this :(/>/> But you have the copy ... hope you are illuminated ... :)/>/> You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well........ SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN! Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe! Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows. The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78. The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals. I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand. He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the holidays and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the prison. Yup, he was re-elected last year with 83% of the vote. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R-Dun' kind of Sheriff. TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO.. HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER. THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY: Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the 'Tent City Jail': **He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. **He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jail. **Took away their weights. **Cut off all but 'G' movies. **He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. **Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination. **He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails, so he hooked up the cable TV again.....BUT only let in the Disney channel and the Weather channel. **When asked why the weather channel, he replied, "So they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs." **He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. **When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't The Ritz/Carlton...... If you don't like it, don't come back." More On The Arizona Sheriff: With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before. Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their PINK SOCKS. "It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the TENTS for 1 year. "It's inhumane." Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates, "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!" Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers' money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves. If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it. **********Fixed the title for you smee2 *************
  10. In the beginning of my "working" life, I worked three jobs, consecutively and simultaneously, and all of them were "unionized" positions. It did not take long to see that the unions were working for themselves. Oh sure, they would make a grievance to keep a person on the job, but usually the person was not fulfilling their job description. And, of course, each worker was having deductions made from each paycheque to support the union. I know that in the beginning the unions were good, a way to get people working, and keep them working, and make sure they were working in safe and healthy conditions. But industries that have been unionized for decades are giving their employees the benefits anyway, and would continue to do so even if the union was to disappear overnight. And people are more inclined to stand up for themselves and not allow the boss to ride roughshod over them. The unions are asking too much of industry and the workers when they promote work slow down or strike action that just takes people off the line or out of the workplace and makes then stand out front with signs to let every one know they are taking action. Better they take action to get the unions out and be able to work a fair day for a fair pay and not have the union dipping into their pockets, or threatening their own "members" with the prospect of dire times if the union wasn't supported in whatever action they wished to take. I firmly believe, and have for decades, that a worker should be able to chose for themselves whether they wish to be a union member or not. smee2
  11. Wow! ... It figures it would be Porche Design who came up with the idea and the talent and money to actually make the first one. Imagine more than $600,000 just for R&D ... and keeping your fingers crossed that there will be enough very wealthy people willing to lay out that kind of dollars for something that could, essentially, be called excessive ... by some people ... mucho dinero and very lttle concept of how many families in the western world could live on that amount for ten years or more. Just staggers the imagination. And yes, I could see it on Duck Dynasty next week ... being commented on by Sy ... he would have something hilarious to say, I am sure! But that first price of $11,000 is so far off ... I don't see how anyone could have really believed it cost so little. That amount might get you a relatively small wall size, multi-screen, single image set up. In any event, I am not sure that even if DV members had millions after the RV they would spend it on this kind of toy. I think our members have a little more savvy when it comes to money, what it takes make it, or wait for it, and how much things are actually worth. But thanks for the post ... it is rather reassuring to see something so "out there" and know without doubt that the people in the backyard enjoying the show could never, in real life, afford anything even remotely like this. smee2
  12. Just as funny as the first time I read it ... thanks for posting. But ... a question ... well, actually, a few questions. What kind of woman/wife goes to the Target store so often and sometimes two days in a row? Even once a week is excessive. How can this guy afford his wife's trips to Target? Was this a strategy to get his wife to cut down on the spending she is doing? If so, it certainly worked! smee2
  13. http://www.youtube.com/embed/vsVCHE7ayPE?rel=0 I enjoyed this, and considering the recent discussion on guns, I thought many of you might too. smee2
  14. Okay ... a story from Iraq ... but what does it have to do with the Dinar? Think you might have gotten a little carried away there Al. smee2
  15. I've been looking at that ad at the top of the page, the one that says WTSHTF over a pictoral of a red book with the title ... "Survival Guide 101". I have been wondering what on earth the initials stood for. I felt I should be able to see what it meant easily, since, at the age of about twelve, I saw at once what Robert Heinlein was referring to with his TANSTAAFL. (There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.) Well, it finally hit me ... and I feel at once overjoyed that the mystery is solved, and at the same time rather stupid that it took so long for me to see it. I am sure you have guessed what it is ... congratulations. Although, I could be wrong. Hmmmm. Am I? I worked it out to be ... When The Sh*t Hits The Fan. Anyone have any other result? smee2
  16. When I was a youngster, and when the situation called for a comment, my father would say ... "A lock will only stop an honest man." He was right. Many years have passed. I have gone through the hippy, peace-nik phase, make love not war, get rid of guns altogether ... until I was required, in my job, to qualify for, and carry, personal armament. I was still the peace-nik at heart and found it difficult to justify being a gun-toting private citizen. But the first time, actually the only time, that I found myself in a situation where the gun came into play, and it saved, if not my life then at least an injury, I found myself rethinking the entire subject. After years of trying to justify either side of the argument, I finally came to realize that my father's comment was relevant in the matter of guns, not just locks. Making a law that takes all the guns away from all the honest citizens, would get only a small percentage of the guns off the streets. The dishonest person, the criminal, the radical who does not in any way adhere to the rules of society, that person will find a way to buy, and keep, and carry a gun if that is what he wants to do. No law will stop him. No law will keep him from finding a way to have a gun. And no law will keep him from using it if that is his intention. As far as guns leading to the death of innocent people ... if someone is out to get even, or teach a lesson, or just hurt or kill someone, they will find a way to do it with or without a gun. Period. So, having reached a point where I find the prospect of there being gun-toting citizens out there, with no badge on their shoulder saying "armed and dangerous" ... the only thing left that really bothers me is ... how do we keep the rational and reasonable people in possession of firearms, and the irrational and unreasonable people unarmed? If someone can find the answer to that question, they will be able to laugh all the way to the bank! smee2
  17. Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!) PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
  18. Subject: Seniors...This is a winner!!! > One night a nurse was making her rounds in a nursing home. While > walking down the hall, she came across an open door. She looked in and saw > old Frank sitting up in bed pretending to drive. > She asked, 'Frank, what are you doing?' He replied, 'I'm driving > to Toronto.' The nurse smiled at him and carried on making her rounds > > > The next night as she walked past Frank's room she saw the same > thing. > , Again she asked, 'Frank, what are you doing?' He replied, 'I'm > driving to Toronto. It's a two day trip, you know!' > > The nurse smiled at him and carried on making her rounds. > > .Five minutes later she came across another open door and looked > in. > She saw Bob pretending to dance with someone. She then asked, > 'Bob, what are you doing?' Bob replied, 'I'm dancing with Franks wife. He's > gone to Toronto for a couple of days...'.
  19. Why Do We Love Children? ... 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.' 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?' 7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' 8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' 9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!) 10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!' 11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!' NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT
  20. Reading the original post and remarks, I felt a real sense of anger ... anger that the American people have so diligently worked at destroying something that was so good and so beautiful ... the American Dream. Growing up in Canada, where we are constantly being compared to our neighbours to the south, namely the good old U S of A, I was under the impression that America was the epitome of a land where diversity was cherished and profitable, where freedom was a watchword not only in regards to politics but also religion, speech and personal preference. What happened? In the last decade or so I have watched, horrified, as the United States of America has gone from a nation I was proud to have as a next door neighbour, and believed to be a good friend, with whom my country shared not only the longest "open" border in the world but also a basic system of beliefs and values, to a nation of restriction in many presumed basic freedoms. America has suffered a massive loss of influence as well as a sad, and regretable, loss of what used to be a very good reptuation. It may only be global perception, but what else does a nation have to offer in defence of it's own ideals but perception? It is the way other nations see and believe a nation to be that can, and does, influence the degree of worldwide cooperation that can be expected, the political health and wealth of a country, and ultimately the quality of life for a nation's citizens. Sadly, what most of the world perceives about America, as it is now and has been for some time, is intolerance. America is a country that cannot afford to be intolerant or exclusive of any of its populace. America is a country founded by immigrants, a nation whose continued economic health and world stage presence depend on an ablity to grow, and learn, and adapt. None of that can be done without tolerance and acceptance of people who continue to wish to become citizens, and whose variety of skills, knowlege and experience bring to the table endless possibilities. For any nation to aspire to greatness, of and for itself, of and for its people, it is paramount that acceptance of diversity, as well as a wide variety of freedoms, foremost of which is the freedom of personal choice, be an intrinsic part of the national consciousness. Growth and prosperity are the rewards of a policy of national inclusion. Often in the past I have had people assume, perhaps because of language (accent) or a seeming attitude of freedom and inclusion, that I was American. Sometimes I would correct them but most often not; after all, being an American, or mistaken for one, was, in the past, a compliment of the highest order. But now, and for many years, should I be taken for an American, I quickly correct the assumption by protesting that I am not an American; I am a Canadian. Of course I have many reasons to be very proud and happy to be a Canadian, and always have had. But I never thought I would find being mistaken for an American to feel like a personal affront, an insult. I still believe, for the most part, the American citizen is a good and honorable person, someone I should be proud to be, or at least happy to call my good neighbour and, hopefully, a true friend. But America's reputation has suffered, and it is because of precisely the "perception" that Americans are exclusive, not inclusive, their attitude too often of the "do as I say, not as I do" variety. Americans no longer enjoy the reputation for being fair, valuing freedom for everyone, not just a few, or of being the most admired or people. I realize most Americans reading this will be upset and eager to refute what I have said. But I have spent decades, one way or another, professionally and personally, being informed by non-Americans just how the world does perceive America. And when the citizens themselves constantly show no respect for their own leaders, no respect for their own stated values and freedoms, no respect for their own Constitution, and most importantly no respect for the beliefs of their own people ... it is not surprising that Americans are given far less respect now than they have ever been given in the past. Where Americans could be proud of their reputation, and Canadians could be proud of Americans as their good friends and powerful next door neighbours, it is now, more than ever, a case of the American people getting no more respect than they are giving the rest of the world ... those who live in other countries, and those who have settled in America expecting to find and share the freedom and acceptance that used to be at the core of the American Dream. It has become for many the American Nightmare! :(/> smee2
  21. Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2012 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 2, 2012 RE: Gala Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 3, 2012 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: October 4, 2012 RE: Generic Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with *** men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the *** men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty Company Memo FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All F...... Employees DATE: October 5, 2012 RE: The F****** Holiday Party I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you ****** wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The ***** from Hell!!! Company Memo FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: October 6, 201 2RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Joan
  22. Maggie Personally I do not like to use a nationality, or religion, or colour, or homeland as the basis for a joke. Oh, I have told quite a few in my time that start with things like "Did you hear the one about the Minister, the Rabbi, and the Priest?" ... or "A redneck, a newfy, and a blond went into a bar ..." But it was always in the spirit of fun, and not in any way meant to give offence. In fact some of the time, a lot of the time actually, there would be a redneck or a minister in the group telling jokes. They would tell similar jokes, usually with a punchline that could fit any group and was actually funny. When someone picks on one group of people, like Muslims, or Catholics, or Seventh Day Adventists ... or even bricklayers and ditch diggers, and carpenters ... if the humour is meant to denigrate their religious beliefs or their occupation, I feel that is not appropriate. The idea of humour is not to denigrate. Or give offence. I have yet to meet a blond who actually takes offence to blond jokes. They have all been to bright to let it mean anything personal even though they are blond. I am a large person (used to be much larger, but things change when you get old) and some of the fat person jokes I heard were actually funny. Some hurt, and some were told by people who were of such low character in my view, that I didn't feel they were worth any feelings of offence. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I am sorry if I have given offence to you, specifically. I read your postings when I can and I admire your stand and your ability to state it. On most things we agree. On the matter of the Muslim "joke" it is something I received in my in box, but it is not something I will be forwarding to all my contacts. I only have one person on my contact list who would appreciate this and he is the one who sent it to me. He hasn't ... in eight years ... learned that I don't really appreciate this kind of "humour". But I posted it here because I keep seeing so much bashing type of posts, starting with the president and working down from there ... that I felt those people would find it side slapping funny. Bad decision on my part. And won't happen again. Thanks for the response ... it is appreciated. smee2
  23. Wow! ... I had no idea that my post, which came to me as a piece of humour and was posted as that, would cause such a stir. And so much negative reaction. I have never had this many negatives in all my time here. I guess I have "arrived" eh? Well, to those I offended, it was not meant to offend. To those who gave me a negative vote, I can't do much but repeat that I didn't mean to offend. Considering all the anti-Muslim stuff I see here all the time, I did not think this was so far off what seems to be acceptable. Guess I'll have to stop and ask directions next time ... if there is a next time. smee2
  24. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you That floating box was driving me nuts ... not all things "different" are "good" just because it will get attention. The purpose of advertising is to get good and positive attention. This box does NOT do that. smee2
  25. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you That floating box was driving me nuts ... not all things "different" are "good" just because it will get attention. The purpose of advertising is to get good and positive attention. This box does NOT do that. smee2
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