mrparrot

Someone needs to remind him about how well an rv could work.

I tried to put up a picture, but was told that I can't use a picture of my dong on a Dinar site...

Puffed on the Hooka earlier today with Maliki's cousin, who runs the local smoke shop. He says that he agrees with me on the $1.85 to $2.15 range, but will call Maliki later tonight to find out.

WOW. Such hostility. Do you get mad at puppets often? That's right. Puppets. All these Prophets Of Profit are nothing more than puppets, with someone else pulling their strings. They only report what someone else tells them. If Walter or Peanut told a really bad joke, would you yell at them or Jeff?

I'm sticking with my initial rate estimate of between $1.85 & $2.15. High enough to be useful and low enough to reduce the risk of hyperinflation.

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, Teach a man to fish, and you'll always know where to find him on the weekends..."

Eat a live toad in the morning and chances are, nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day...

A Texas Chili Contest - If you can read this whole story without laughing, there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is a scream! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City park. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to The first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: (Frank is Judge #3) Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili.... Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- Holy sh*t, what the he** is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili... Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous "Burn Down the Barn"Chili... Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer... Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic... Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Scr*w those rednecks. Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety... Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh*t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a$$ with a snow cone. Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. (**I should take note that I am Worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.) Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Scr*w it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Frank, Judge Number 3, farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Two quick things. One, be glad that you didn't use a cross cut type of shredder, or you're only hope would have been to take them to a retirement home and hope that the elderly puzzle fanatics could put them back together. And two, instead of using backing paper, try a laminating machine. Just lay the strips on the table and laminate over them...

The proper name of the Ghost Pepper is Bhut Jolokia pepper. While I enjoy eating fire, this beast steps over my limit line. I have no desire to wipe my butt with a snow cone, which is what you'll be doing a few hours after eating it...

This is just the ingredients. How much of each is up to you... Peeled whole tomatoes. Big can. Small can. Put big can in blender. Do NOT blend into liquid!!! On-off-on-off-on-off (Just enough to still have pieces left). Cilantro. Chop it. Chop it good. Chiles. Reds, Greens, Habanero''s, etc... How hot do you want it? Consult a Scoville Chart before purchasing Peppers. http://www.vjiculinary.com/scoville_chart.htm Dice 'em any size you want. Jalapeno's Chopped/Diced/Whatever... Green onions. Chop 'em. Chop 'em good. Lots of garlic powder OR fresh garlic. (Powder is easier but fresh is fine if you want to take the time to press it out.) Salt-n-Pepper. Do a Ginsu-job on the small can of tomatoes if you like lots of tomatoes in your salsa. Rodney's Version (Use with extreme caution): Peppers: Serrano, Cayenne, Habanero, Red Savina Habanero (when available). Let it ferment in a GLASS container for 48 hours before serving. It WILL eat through Tupperware...

A Texas Chili Contest - If you can read this whole story without laughing, there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is a scream! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City park. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to The first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: (Frank is Judge #3) Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili.... Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili... Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous "Burn Down the Barn"Chili... Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer... Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic... Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety... Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. (**I should take note that I am Worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.) Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Frank, Judge Number 3, farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?