One More Conversation

[Heavyduty053]

 

 

               I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear when the phone rang that November morning in 2004. It was my mother on the other end of the line and she was all shook up. "Your dad died this morning", I immediately lost it crying. I didn't have a chance to say good bye. He had not been feeling well and going through dialysis for a couple of years and he had his bad days and good days, more good than bad. I had talked with him last week and he seemed in good spirits. I had written a bookd and it just got printed and I wanted dad to read it and see what he thought about it.

               My sister-in-law called a few days ago and said I think it would be a good idea to come visit your dad, which was a way of saying something is not right.  But my dad had left that morning going to my older brothers fishing camp up on big lake and I thought that was super, give him some time out in nature. How happy I was that he had gotten to spend that day with my brother because they didn't get that much time together with my brothers schedule. The next morning when my brother dropped dad off at home he suffered a heart attack and died immediately.

               When we returned to Michigan,  to a service that our son an ordained minister and now serving on the mission field officiated it, we waited for the deep snowfall that hit the area to melt to make the trip for the burial. The sun wasn't shinning and the graves of so many family members I knew had already passed on were sitting in a dusted light snow. I remembered how often  I had gone with my grandmother on sunny summer days to attend to family plots. Now my Dad's grave was among them. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he wasn't in that grave only the shell of what used to be his body because he was a Christian. He spoke it, he lived it and his soul was at rest in the name of Jesus waiting for that coming day when all Christians will ascend to the Heavens. Knowing all this and somehow I still felt cheated. Yes he was in pain everyday but he managed to live with it and no doubt he was ready to leave this earth when the call came. 

               I just wished I had gotten to spend a little more time with him, he was my rock, my friend, my got to when I needed advice. Was I being selfish wanting this. It was time for me for charge on and remember what he taught me and with this in mind I established this thought, "would what I am about to do make him proud that I learned from him". Along the way with a lot of reflection and pity parties, I was so glad that I had written a letter to my parents a couple of years before telling then how much they meant to me. Memories over the years and how good they were as parents. They came from a generation that didn't show outward gestures or hugs and kisses but in later years they changed all that with Grandchildren. The Valentine's Day following Dad's death I received a letter I assumed was from my mother...it was her hand writing on the envelope. When I opened it there was a computer made Valentine, written and signed by Dad. What a sweet surprise. I feel the lord allowed that to happen at just the right time, and how grateful to get that God nudge  that Dad was thinking of me.

               I still miss Dad and even with the memories there now it can't fill the void left by his passing. I know someday I will see him again and I know thee are some things that happens that he is watching over me.

 

When Father's Day approaches, it still hurts to walk by the aisles with all the cards for his special day . All I can do now is thank the lord for giving me a Dad that was a good provider and cared enough to be at my activities and support me. I still may shed tears at times but they are tears of joy thinking of my special Dad.

[umbertino]

 

Thanks for sharing, HD

 

 

I partially  recognized myself ( unfortunately) in this story.....

Edited April 3, 2018 by umbertino

[Heavyduty053]

I to can recognize myself when my dad passed

 

[umbertino]

6 minutes ago, Heavyduty053 said:

I to can recognize myself when my dad passed

 

 

I'm sorry about your loss, HD

 

 

Sadly ( just like many of us here on DV)....I had to go through that  unmeasurable inner pain ( hardest  I ever felt in my life) as  my Dad was indeed a good man