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On getting older


pokerplayer
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Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's azz anymore.

 If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

 A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

 1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

 3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

 6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

 10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

 12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

 13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

 14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

 15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

 16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

 17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

 18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

 20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?

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No, you didn't send it to me, I sent it to Sarge's Gals who sent it to me and I meant to send it to you but I had to go upstairs to take the dry clothes out of the washer in the basement and turn the dryer on to the rinse cycle and then I had to feed the cat...

...to the dog, then take a nap.

Sorry, I'll send it to you tomorrow after I go vote... 

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26 minutes ago, SgtFuryUSCZ said:

And we don't remember where we got it, much less who we sent it to...

Hey, HAYDUKE.... come get your cat, it's crappin' in our flower bed.

Scat SNOWGLOBE !  Bad Kitty !

 

:lol::P

 

I know right? I hate that smell - there's nothing worse than a cat poo surprise - well, maybe there is, but I just can't remember what it is right at the moment but I'm sure it has something to do with pigs... and a barnyard in Missouri... on a hot humid day... with a slight breeze wafting through an open window...:mellow:  

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Quote

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's azz anymore.

 If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

 A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

 1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

 3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

 6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

 10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

 12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

 13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

 14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

 15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

 16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

 17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

 18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

 20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?

Here's one you may have forgotten

Here's one you may have forgotten.

21. A penny for your thoughts, oh wait a minute we are Americans, we are not allowed to have any thoughts

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1 hour ago, George Hayduke said:

I know right? I hate that smell - there's nothing worse than a cat poo surprise - well, maybe there is, but I just can't remember what it is right at the moment but I'm sure it has something to do with pigs... and a barnyard in Missouri... on a hot humid day... with a slight breeze wafting through an open window...:mellow:  

Chicken ranches.... worse than pigs ! :facepalm2:

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9 hours ago, SgtFuryUSCZ said:

Chicken ranches.... worse than pigs ! :facepalm2:

IMO...and being from The Dairy State...I've smelled a thing or two!  I used to say nothing is worse than freshly spread liquid manure...but since moving to NC and living in Tyson country I say chicken shyatt makes it a toss up!!!  Just pray your not down wind when they spread that stuff!!! :unsure:

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Don't tell the environmentalists,  they'll come and take the chickens away, they're already picking on our cows, cattle...Something about their manure affecting the ozone:huh: These creatures have been here long then them,  they haven't made a difference in the ozone level.  I guess they have to blame it on someone, why not the creatures. :butt-kicking:

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2 hours ago, RodandStaff said:

IMO...and being from The Dairy State...I've smelled a thing or two!  I used to say nothing is worse than freshly spread liquid manure...but since moving to NC and living in Tyson country I say chicken shyatt makes it a toss up!!!  Just pray your not down wind when they spread that stuff!!! :unsure:

True dat, Rod!  Another thing... I was doing some American Picking down in Maryland, somewhere on the DelMarVa Penninsula, and we stopped in a town for lunch in a quaint cafe... but the stench from outside made it almost impossible to enjoy!  Chicken processing plant right down the street!  That poor town!

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1 hour ago, SnowGlobe7 said:

hey now...you got a license for those gals????!!!!!!!

NOPE.  Bwahahahaa...!

If asked, we just say it's a plain 'ol slingshot.... yuh, sure it is....  heheheheheh.....

 

You can see what they look like on the utuber thingy...

...one guy even loads 'em with special 'ammo' to thump bunnies on the head with...Mmm - dinner ! :D

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LOL !:lol:    Thanks, WHN :tiphat:Yup, that's how we roll, alright ! :twothumbs:

'OlSarge made these up for us 'OlGals way back in the day out of some wrist rockets and stuff he picked up at WalMart.

We were SO accurate with them, he was afraid of us ! :P

They're perfect for us 'older' kids...  Doesn't require alotta strength to pack some serious punch ! BAM !

We can take 'em in the Giant Van with us and still be armed in States where we can't take our guns.

We've killed monkey, iguana & fish with them in Panama, too!

And frog huntin' with 'em is better than plain 'ol giggin'...!  YEE-HAW !

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