How to Teach Kids about Socialism

[Whatshername]

How to Teach Kids about Socialism

By Pedro Gonzales

 

It used to be that if you wanted to teach kids about capitalism, you’d tell them to open a lemonade stand. By producing a product, marketing it, and selling it, they would get a small taste of what it is like to run a business.

 

But now telling your kids to open a lemonade stand is the best way of teaching them about socialism, not capitalism. First, tell your kids to open a lemonade stand. Watch as they make lemonade, paint a sign, and move a table and chairs and a pitcher and cups to your front lawn.

 

Then let them sell for a few minutes unimpeded. Then come along and tell them you're from the Department of Agriculture, and want to see where the calorie count for their products are posted. If there is no calorie count, take 25% of what they have earned as a fine.

 

Then leave them alone for a few minutes and come back and ask if they are aware that they are violating child labor laws. When they tell you they are unaware, take 25% of what they have remaining as a fine.

 

Then come back a few minutes later and ask for the environmental impact statement for their lemonade stand. When they ask what that is, explain that before stand can be allowed to open, you have to study whether the ants under their feet or the squirrels in the trees above them are discomfited by the lemonade stand. If you notice any ice cubes melting on the ground to form a little puddle, say that is wetlands and can be regulated by the EPA as well. Assess a 25% fine of what they have left.

 

Then come back a little while later and ask if they have been investing in healthcare for their employees, and withholding money for social security and Medicare. If they haven't, assess a 25% penalty.

 

 

Then come back a little while later and ask why there are no girls working there. Or if there are girls, ask why there are no blacks. Or if there are blacks, ask why no Hispanics. If there are Hispanics, ask why no gays. If there are *** kids, ask why no transgendered. Say that the absence of one group is evidence of discrimination, and assess a 25% fine.

 

Then leave them alone for a few minutes and set up a competing lemonade stand right next to them, with the sign "Luis Gutierrez Lemonade, 5 cents". When the kids ask what you are doing tell them you are an illegal alien come to this country to compete for their jobs. If they start crying tell them that crying about it is racist and they could be fined.

 

At the end of the day count how much they have earned remaining after all your fines and take 50% of it. When they ask why, say it is for federal, state, and sales taxes. Explain that it was not they who sold the lemonade, but the government, who made the roads and sidewalks by which people came to buy it, and that they, the small business owner, are the "rich", and need to pay their fair share.

 

After all this is said and done, ask your kids if they identify more with the producers of lemonade, or the government inspectors. Then you will have explained socialism to them.

 

[Shabibilicious]

Unless your house is located in a C-1 (commercial) zoning district, which would mean it's a pre-existing nonconforming use, as it should be located in an R-1 (single family housing) zoning district, a use variance for home occupation (lemonade stand) will be required......there's a nonrefundable variance application fee, and possible public hearing, depending on the particular city codified ordinance book.  Any parent involved in their community would know the proper procedures.....and if they don't their children should be removed from the home immediately.       How'd I do?    

 

GO RV, then BV

[DWitte]

You forgot the business license and fictitious name statement.  And the business bank account.  Try to do business without one.  There are more but I'll let others chime in.

 

Hint: Business cards.

[Mountain Girl]

I told my children that I don't believe in Socialism because I believe in individual rights. I think that people should strive to be independent and self-sufficient. That Socialism is collective rights and total dependency.

[Whatshername]

Unless your house is located in a C-1 (commercial) zoning district, which would mean it's a pre-existing nonconforming use, as it should be located in an R-1 (single family housing) zoning district, a use variance for home occupation (lemonade stand) will be required......there's a nonrefundable variance application fee, and possible public hearing, depending on the particular city codified ordinance book.  Any parent involved in their community would know the proper procedures.....and if they don't their children should be removed from the home immediately.       How'd I do?    

 

GO RV, then BV

 

Very astute, Shabs!  Threat of loss of parental rights is a nice touch.  Bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo is not a language I speak.  But I get the gist… a never ending cycle of hoop-jumping and felonious thievery!  Kids today have little chance to ever know true privacy or the satisfaction of earning an unfettered dollar.

 

Poor kids… so many economic lessons to learn!  Here’s one about Choice and Competition… 

 

 

“Some kids were selling lemonade for $2 a pop so I went and taught them about honest and responsible capitalism!”

[Shabibilicious]

Very astute, Shabs!  Threat of loss of parental rights is a nice touch.  Bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo is not a language I speak.  But I get the gist… a never ending cycle of hoop-jumping and felonious thievery!  Kids today have little chance to ever know true privacy or the satisfaction of earning an unfettered dollar.

 

Been on my local planning and zoning commission for about 10 years.........one never knows when one might want to add a non-conforming accessory building to one's property.    

 

GO RV, then BV

[umbertino]

Ok ... Grazie for sharing......China  ( if still deeemed Socialist...) is the 2nd biggest Ferrari cars importer  ( after the US)