Military Humor

[Nadita]

starfire1 » The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.

At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).

The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

**********

starfire1 » As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

***********

starfire1 » A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

************

starfire1 » Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

**********

starfire1 » Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal:

"Change your course ten degrees east."

The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degrees west."

Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"

"I'm a petty officer, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."

Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"

There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

[Saint]

I laughed so hard my sides ache. Thanks for the laughs.  :bravo:

[Nadita]

I laughed so hard my sides ache. Thanks for the laughs.  :bravo:

 

Me too.. we need to laugh while waiting otherwise we are bored 

[calkid11]

Thank you , keep them coming

[RodandStaff]

Now that's what I'm talkin' bout...great humor and yes...even clean, well...thats if you don't ask the Marines to "cover you"... If'n you do then ya better be wearin' your Thuggies cause they will make your life very, very "interesting"!!! ;o)

[waterman13]

Very good Nadita

Wm13

[RodandStaff]

My bad...."Sandfly my dear Nadita"!!!

[EagleEye]

good clean fun...thanks Nadita !!

[umbertino]

Me too.. we need to laugh while waiting otherwise we are bored 

Holy words

[genx4me]

Good ones!!         

[littlesam]

   Thanks Nadita for the laughs..   

[Nadita]

My bad...."Sandfly my dear Nadita"!!!

 

Rod

 

Sand dollar

[nannab]

 Perfect Nadita! Thanks for the morning laughs.

[tankdude]

I'm sure Rayzur can relate to this one

 

The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language.

 

For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."
• The Army will put guards around the place.
• The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
• The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
• The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.
 

[SnowGlobe7]

tankdude...that was awesome

[wbuse984]

Nice...lol... :bravo: :bravo: :bravo: :bravo:

[ronscarpa]

Good job Nadita (+1), liked yours too TankDude (+1).....Worth Five (5) Stars...!